Old postcards

The bride to be sent me down to Kalk-Bay to hunt for vintage postcards. Ray and I found them at the Quagga - a dark and dusty shop, lined with towering bookshelves, but somehow cheerful with its fullness of memories, catching glimpses into times long past.

Happiness ahead

Summer vacation. Months of Summer vacation have arrived!! 

I wrote my last wearying exam today and have already packed stacks of notes, books, files and textbooks away in my cupboard, not to be seen until next year (YES!!) The 3am mornings, many, many nights in a row, while quietly studying, I would glance up and gaze at the proteas Ray gave me, and smile, knowing that soon we would be on vacation together, filled with beach days, lazy Sunday afternoon naps, sunshine picnics, eating melting ice-cream, having not a care in the world... 

I cannot even begin to express my thanks... for all those who have walked beside me this year. For Ray, sunrise to sunset and beyond, holding me when I was too tired to hold myself up, praying when I had no words left to say, wiping my tears when I had almost given into despair, making me laugh when I didn't think I could. The constant, secure, all-encompassing, unconditional love of a best friend truly works a miracle each and every single day. Love you babe, would have never made it without you. 

And my family. Oh my wonderful family! Last night my dad said, "So apparently you're having a bit of a brain malfunction?" (They had obviously heard of my ritual pre-exam meltdown) But this afternoon, when I had returned, he said, "Looks like we have some sunshine in the house again!" (HEY!!) 

But most importantly, my Heavenly Father. When I look back on this year, all the beautiful happenings, more than I could have ever dreamed possible, life just getting better and better each moment, in the midst of challenges, stretching us, breaking us, growing us... He has sustained and He has blessed. He is so incredibly good. 

Varsity may be over for the year, but the busyness does not stop! At the moment Ray is writing his final FINAL exams (he graduates in just days!!), his family will be coming down to Cape Town (YAY!), there are end-of-year events to attend, Christmas socials, my best friend's wedding (CANNOT WAAAAIT!!) and my very own WEDDING PLANNING to do!! Exciting things are happening everyone, very exciting things :)

For the first time in months I have raided my mom's library bag and am reading a novel in bed. I am crying I am so happy. Oh sweet, exhausting relief. 

Goodnight :)

Things you forget

One of the best things about being at university is the amazingly long vacations. What this means though, is that the first day back after six weeks of leisure, is always a bit of a shock! Here are some things I had "forgotten"...

1. That instant irritation felt when my alarm so rudely wakes me.
2. What it's like to walk down to the station in the dark - tripping over cracks in the pavement, stumbling on the curb, wishing for my warm pyjama's and feeling a bit of self-pity (laughs).
3. Seeing the sky slowly lighten as the sun begins its day in this part of the world.
4. What riding the train is like. 
5. How unfit I am - panting after racing a hundred other students to the shuttle stop, climbing a thousand stairs, the millions of steps I take as I trudge back and forth across campus.
6. How insane the Jammie drivers "drive" the shuttles - how I have to grip my ice cold seat. Also the (loud and slightly annoying) chatter of the first years (I'm sorry, I'm still waking up) and how they really do pack as many of us as possible in the bus (good times).
7. How much I have missed my friends (hence my favourite photo's from last year - I would never have believed that those I had just met could become such incredible friends and fellow "sufferers" as we struggled through together!)
8. How wonderful it is to have to really use my brain again! Learning new, difficult and exciting things each day really does expand my universe and render me speechless as I stand in awe of all that God has so beautifully made and sustains. 
9. Exhaustion. It never seems to matter how long my vacation was, because all it takes is just one day back to wipe it all away - it is like I never left.
10. How good (and vital!) coffee is - from a serious tea drinker!
11. It doesn't matter what I wear to varsity, I will always get it wrong - I'm either freezing or dying of heat stroke... sigh.
12. I love the library. Walking up and down the silent, dusty towers of books, feeling immediately calm and ready to work the hours away.
13. That sense of overwhelming terror and dread as I wrote down all my test dates, sorted through practicals and tutorials and essay assignments - just need to survive!
14. How much I missed the iconic Jameson Steps - the student meeting ground :) Was awesome seeing friends so delightedly hug each other - feels like home)
15. I will admit that I like wearing my nerdy, white lab coat. 
16. Noticing how most of the boys in my classes have (finally!) gotten haircuts - cute!
17. How relaxing the sway of the train can be after a long and tiring day. And how the breeze through the grungy train windows becomes crisper as I near the ocean and get closer to home (and more importantly him!) How the sound of the waves lull a stressed mind and how my spirit is revived. 
18. Hard work really is hard work! Struggling to stay focussed tonight.
19. You have no free time. (I really shouldn't be blogging).
20. All I want to do is sleep.
21. I have taken all this time spent with my best friend for granted. Today felt rather lonely being without him... when you spent every waking moment together, you feel lost when he isn't standing by your side, holding your hand, preciously close by... when I saw him waiting for me at the train station my heart leapt! Sharing our day's as we walked home, enjoying dinner together, treasuring the brief moments when we could just pray and read the Bible (I cried) - I missed him more than words can describe.
22. That I really need God - His strength alone will carry me through, His sovereignty will ease my worries, His purposes will guide me, His love will comfort me. 

With that I say goodnight (and get back to my books!)

escape

Varsity is starting again. I still have so many books left to read, so many moments with friends I want to share, so many cups of tea I want to drink, lazing the time away - with no worries and no work. I have sincerely loved this winter vacation - surrounded by those I love the most, visiting family, getting away on our mini-roadtrip, all the photographs we took, new and beautiful memories made, our growth, reviving my weary spirit, renewed for this upcoming semester, challenged and encouraged to trust wholeheartedly and solely in my Saviour. No more escaping for tomorrow it all begins again... here is to insanity! 

A little piece of our love story

{Our first photograph together}

My ideal day is one spent with my best friend. We don't have to go anywhere or do something special, in fact, I love more than anything just spending all day with him, happily doing nothing! Enjoying his company is more than enough, he make every moment magical, this sort of day is just perfect - living life together.

Today has been wonderful. After early morning dance rehearsal it was time to start lazing around. We gathered up a pile of blankets and an armful of pillows ready to huddle, cuddle and snuggle down for the day. With books in hand we have spent hours relaxing, sipping tea (for me) and coffee (for him) simply content as the rain falls outside - not a gentle pitter-pattering, but wind howling, rain thundering, soil drenching, gutter pouring, door shaking, window rattling rain. Reminded once again how grateful I am for something so taken for granted as a warm home. 

Every now and then we see a glimmer of sunshine, but we dare not venture outside. Over toasted sandwiches we discuss what we are going to make for dinner for the family tonight and then hurry back to the couch to nap, wrapped safe in your arms, my heart overwhelmed (once again!) with awe and thankfulness. 

I am taken back... R and I met little over two years ago and I still can't believe how amazing it has all so blessedly turned out to be (thank-you Lord!) Ah, the memories. I am still astounded at how he so passionately pursued me and persevered (and still does) especially when I kept saying "No" (and of course so girlishly didn't mean it!) So much has changed,  I am amazed at how we have grown and how God has worked so beautifully. It is all too much to put into something as finite as words. 

Being entrusted with someone's heart is the greatest privilege and pleasure, to have the honour of sharing one's love and life is staggering, to grow each day - together - in knowing one another (and truly, vulnerably, intimately, preciously knowing!), understanding what love really is, realizing the grace of God more and more, struggling but holding each other accountable in keeping God at the centre, humbled over and over again, together keeping our minds on the cross, eternity and His will, and challenged in godliness... it is beyond anything I had ever imagined. (Better than anything I could have ever dreamed of!)

I don't know where this post is going... but I just wanted to express how brilliantly happy I am... I don't need anything more. I am overflowing with gratitude to God and all the inexpressibly good gifts He has given. Looking back and looking forward can only bring prayers of praise and thanksgiving to my Heavenly Father. He brought us together, He has kept us together, and He will carry us through. I pray that we will continue to trust in Him alone, to worship Him with all our hearts, to continually be changed by the Gospel and always glorify Him. 

... And I'm off to make some lovely hot chocolate for R and I, to get back to our blankets and books, to spend the next few hours together living our love story :)

Thanks babe, for everything!

My winter holiday list :)

Here is my wonderful winter holiday "what to do" list:

1. Sleep late. Cuddle with your best friend. Surround yourself with soft, fluffy feather pillows, snuggle deeper into your warm blankets.
2. Lose yourself in a stack of library books. I have mine in a pile next to my bed just waiting to be read - I adore historical romances, the terror of murder mysteries and thrillers, fantasy - but never have time during varsity. You may be at home for the holidays but through books your imagination can travel to worlds undiscovered.
3. Wear slippers.
4. Every time the sun shines go sit outside, listen to the wind rustle the leaves, close your eyes and feel the gentle warmth on your face, enjoy the garden while you sip some tea.
5. Clasp your hands around a cup of soup.  
6. Watching movies and series on the couch, in pjs, laughing, eating gummy bears and sour jelly beans, drinking foamy hot chocolate, wearing your favourite socks. 
7. Make dinner for your family - try something new, light the candles, pick flowers from the garden, make an ordinary night special.
8. Meet with your friends - at a local farmer's market, for coffee at a cafe down the road, spending the afternoon catching up, share your life with those you love. 
9. Bundle up and go walk the dog down to the beach, around the vlei, squishing through the mud, splashing in puddles. It feels wonderful to be outdoors when so much time is spent indoors - the crisp winter wind flushing my cheeks, a hint of distant snow in the icy air, feeling alive.
10. Listen to the rain pitter patter on your windowpane and be thankful for all that you have.
11. Eat ice-cream and pretend it is Summer.
12. Gather around a fireplace and dance in the shadow of its flickering flames.
13. Go on an adventure - spend a few days roadtripping, setting out in the morning and just driving, stopping wherever your heart desires, visiting family, just enjoying the silence, the cold, the beauty of the passing countryside. 
14. Do nothing - you don't get many chances to!

Keep warm!

A wonderful weekend

I have had the most wonderful weekend! I am filled with utter joy, overflowing with contentment, and as I cuddle deeper into my warm bed each night I lie awake and relive the love, laughter and happiness, not wanting to fall asleep because I never want these days to end...

Friday... a day spent in the gentle, warming winter sunshine, sitting outside, listening to the wind rustle the leaves, laughing at how adorable the tiny puppy shivered and shook after his swim in the pool, hiccuping at us (too cute!)... then walking Tigger as the sun sunk behind the mountain, unaware of the time, sharing our hearts, our fears, trusting the Lord and making plans for the future :)

[Saturday... not wanting to get out of bed, but then watching the blinding white glow of the sun rise into the blue skies knowing that it is going to be another glorious day, driving through the winding mountain pass, cool and shaded, singing along to Future of Forestry with my best friend at my side... then onto dirt roads, along the train track, around the vlei to pick up our friends and off to the Sedgefield market we go!]

 [Yes please. My newest love is proteas... the colours, complementation, textures, subtle yet paradoxically vibrant beauty honestly display God's genius design and infinite imagination.]

 [He is Afrikaans, so of course he can eat a boerewors roll for breakfast! Us ladies had lovely fruit salads and freshly squeezed juices... ok, I'll admit, I actually had caramel cheesecake...]

[The last time I came to this incredible farmer's market was two summer's ago where we, so perfectly ran into my sister who was holidaying with friends in the area, and my person and I really missed not seeing her this time... they have great food - sweet treats, baked goods, pies, cakes, nuts, fruit juices, breads, biltong, jams, cheeses, olives, pestos, coffee stalls, breakfast stands, bacon and egg rolls, pancakes, pitas, handmade chocolates, punnets of berries, smoothies and more and more... and just about anything else you can think of - crates of flowers, seedlings and saplings, soaps, creams, frames, wooden furniture, crafts and trinkets, tourist items, glass and beaded delights, leather bags, secondhand books and antiques, listening to phenomenally good live musicians... fun all around!] 

 [Who doesn't love mini-chocolate-and-caramel-dipped-sprinkle-covered-donuts?]

[Our next adventure was climbing down a steep, winding staircase, along the face of a cliff to get to Flatrock beach in Wilderness... the soft sand tickling our feet, dipping our toes in the freezing water, hearing the roar of the giant waves crashing onto the shore, the white horses dancing into the horizon...]

[Love, you are my happily ever after*] 

[The view! Sitting on the balcony with the ocean far in the distance, surrounded by a peaceful garden of weeping willows, wrought iron benches, stone fountains, good conversation, eating our treasures from the market - could it get any better?]

Wrapped in your arms, staring into the flickering flames, mesmerized by their movement, their crackling power, their burning heat as the logs collapse, their artistry - a sort of tangible, yet vaporous liquid, constantly changing colours from orange to white to blue, glowing, strangely alive... 

Lying late a night, turning the last few pages of the novel, that sadness creeping in as the story comes to a close, as another book ends...  or staying up, all dark and quiet, watching movies under piles of blankets, eating chocolate mousse with my best friend, feeling his warmth, snuggled close, listening to his soft snores as he (always) falls asleep...

Sunday... drawing back the thick folds of the curtains, breathing in the crisp air, so thankful to be alive and grateful for another stunning day... standing at your side and holding your hand still fills me with wonderment - thank-you Lord!... after church my person's family and I headed off for delicous coffee (my usual creamy, marshmallowy, cotton candy, white hot chocolate!) and slices of decadent cakes, giving his mom an early birthday present, my person's brother embarrassing me at every moment possible, but feeling so loved... 

Then listening to you explain the riders and the teams to me, the history of the Tour de France and your passion for cycling - I smile, slightly bewildered, but catching your excitement even while you grin at me when I get it all wrong, truly just happy to spend hours with you, falling more and more inlove with you with every single moment - my weekend has been wonderful simply because I get to share it with the MOST wonderful person!

{http://rddesignphoto.tumblr.com/}

stepping forward

"No one will ever know that I have to pretend to ease, pretend to confidence, pretend to grace. Of course I am afraid. But I will never, never show it. And when they call my name I will always step forward."

{The Constant Princess - Philippa Gregory} 

Simply wonderful.

Today has been wonderful. I feel secretly guilty for having spent the entire day in bed. Reading, watching the pages fly by, chapters pass, the story progress. Laying my head on my pillow and sinking down deeper into my soft blankets, sleeping whenever the desire seizes me, wisps of dreams coming and go, shadows replacing the sunshine streaming through my open window. Cuddling up next to my person, quietly amazed at him and his love over and over again, drinking foamy hot chocolate, eating ice-cream. A complete break from the endless hours of studying, the stress, the pain, the exhaustion. A peaceful, reviving, simply wonderful day :) 

A slumbering sun

"I'll dissolved when the rain pours in, 

when the nightmares take me, 

I will scream with the howling wind,

It's a bitter world and I'd rather dream" 

{Owlcity - Lonely Lullaby*} 

A crisp, cold morning. A quiet train station. Not a single person in sight. Listening to the sounds of the murmuring ocean as its waves gently surged up and down the rocky shore, fishing boats rising and falling. Watching the trains silently slide past, coming and going. See the wavering lights of the lighthouses flicker across the deep, dark waters. Midnight blue faded away into the rising of the slumbering sun. The faintest flushed pinks and golden oranges the last whispers of summer. A breeze blew, blushing my cheeks, a scarf wrapped tightly around my neck to keep the ice away. I could see the grey clouds tumbling over the mountains along the horizon. 

The rain rages and the wind wages war against the cool glass of the window. A steaming mug of soup, warm toast and soft socks keeping me cozy. Lighting candles, melting chocolate, sipping tea while I read in the bath. Snuggled in heaps of blankets, so thankful, so content, watching Pride and Prejudice :) Only one thing could make this even more perfect. You. 

"Take God on a date"

Here are a few more quotes from the next chapter of "Boundaries in dating":

• "It is good to want a spiritually based relationship. Your relationships with God is the deepest, most profound, and most important part of your soul.If relationship is about connecting all of ourselves to another, then the spiritual aspect is inconceivably significant . So we all yearn for a person that we can be one with, all the way down to the core self, where God resides also. In fact, God designed our need to connect." 
• "Through many experiences, conversations, and questions, we settle in on a person who loves God as we do, one who can help us grow even closer to Him."
• "The issue is not how to fit our spiritual life into our dating life; rather, it is how to fit our dating life into our spiritual life."
• "Life and love are God's gifts under His domain." 
• "The One who designed emotional connections knows best conducted, in a way that is satisfying for us and glorifying to Him."
• "It is good to offer our dating life as part of the living sacrifice that helps submit all aspects of our lives to God's order for our existence. The more our lives are surrendered to Him, the more He is able to fashion out lives as we were meant to be." 
• "The alternative to surrender in dating is idolatry." 

Daring to be different

I have started reading a book called "Making dating work: Boundaries in dating" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. It is a Christian book to help guide one on the smoothest possible road between singleness and marriage. It addresses the major problems that often occur in dating: issues of freedom, responsibility and maturity (self-control, godliness and purity) Here are a few quotes, from the introduction and first chapter - on boundaries and the line of truth: 

• "Boundaries are 'property lines' which define and protect you - your emotions, values, behaviours and attitudes." 
• "Boundaries help you be yourself and not lose yourself in someone else." 
• "Where there is deception there is NO relationship - truthfulness is everything."
• "Honesty is the bedrock of dating and marriage." 
• "It is one thing to have loved and lost, but it is another thing to have loved and been lied to." 
• "Do not lead someone on or allow them to deceive themselves by anything that you are doing." 
• "Lying about reality places your relationship on shaking ground."
• "In reality, a conflict-free relationship is probably a shallow relationship." 
• "People who can handle confrontation and feedback are the ones who can make relationships work." 
• "Honesty over hurt and conflict create intimacy, and it also divides people into the wise and foolish." 
• "Dating is not the place to rehabilitate someone." 
• "If your dating partner is not clear about feelings, thoughts or some other indirect communication, demand it." 
• If someone lies to you: "look at the level of repentance and change - how significantly is the person pursuing holiness and purity."

#boundariesindating

A relationship is always changing and growing, but its foundation must be secure. For dating to be a success it takes great, hard work, and must be done in a Christ-honouring, God-glorifying way: the way He created it to be - lovely, wonderful, amazing...! Without the hurt and heartache of selfish love that the world sells... 

Daring to be different in how I love...