Before the storm

Ahhh... I have had such an incredible long weekend with Ray (You make me so SO HAPPY!!) I never cease to be amazed and grateful for who he is and all that he does. 

My week ended with Ray picking me up from the train station with a chocolate in his hand, rain pouring down (the umbrella not helping in the slightest), ready to snuggle down for the weekend. Time has passed filled with  indulging in hours of much needed sleep (sigh of pleasure), watching movies, writing down a list of books that I want to read when the holidays come around again and somehow attempting to study. 

My mother is away visiting family in Namibia and after less than one day already we were eating ice-cream for dinner (and it hasn't stopped!) We love going shopping with my dad - he ends up buying a million unnecessary, yet very yummy, treats. I can only laugh at the plan we all have come up with - deciding what we will eat on what day. So far it is basically eating out or ordering in food for the next two weeks - half price sushi on this day, then two-for-one burger special on that day, but what about getting fish and chips from the harbour, or takeaways from our favourite Indian restaurant, and how could we have forgotten about pizza? (I think that I may start missing fresh fruit and vegetables after a few days...) 

Nao, our dog, runs down the stairs and waits expectantly, tag wagging and ears up, every time she hears the gate open, thinking that mom is home again - it is really sweet but sad (we miss her too puppy!)

Sunday, the wind blew and an icy rain fell, with the fabric of our temporary church tent billowing about, pulling against its constraints (it has been quite an experience these past weeks!) Holding Ray's hand singing "Hallelujah! All I have is Christ. Hallelujah! Jesus is my life..." brought everything back to its rightful perspective, remembering what brings everlasting joy.  

Ray and I enjoyed Heritage day by going for a walk down passed the beach to the lower Silvermine wetland. The thick clouds along the horizon melted into the ocean, both shades of grey, the cool and crisp breezes causing the petals of the flowers to close. Over the wooden walkways we went, alongside the swollen streams, talking about the future like we always do, working through the fears and uncertainties together, coming out reassured and at peace. There is no greater comfort in life than knowing that God has a plan, it is good and right, and whatever happens is in His hands! He has blessed us so greatly so far that all we can do is humbly trust in Him and give Him thanks. 

Like all good South Africans we had a braai (barbecue) today :) Finishing off the afternoon with ice-cream sundaes and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies as the weather warmed.  

I am thankful for brief moments like these, because looking ahead, counting the days till exams and Ray's graduation (with all the tests and assignments inbetween!) time is flying, and we always wonder how we will get through... yet somehow, we suddenly look back, and realise that we have made it through the storm. I do know, though, that I would never have made it through these last years without my King, my family and my phenomenal fiancé!! 

Longing for Eternity.

"The tension is here,

between who you are

and who you could be,

between how it is

and how it should be."

And how it WILL be.

I am what I am

"I am not what I ought to be, 

I am not what I want to be, 

I am not what I hope to be in another world; 

but still I am not what I once used to be, 

and by the grace of God I am what I am."

{John Newton} 

The Proposal!

Today is beautiful and I will cherish it forever!! Here is the proposal and the much awaited details! I will say though, that letting everyone know that you are engaged is a wonderful, never ending, rush - I am hugging friends and talking on the phone to family members, while I am trying to email pictures, tweet about it and skype at the same time! It's an excited blur...

Today began like any other day. When I arrived home from varsity Ray asked me if I would like to go for a walk, like we have done countless times before. The sun was shining high in the sky and a cool breeze was blowing off the ocean. We headed to Silvermine where we had first gone together two years ago, to our favourite place, where it all began :) Walking hand-in-hand, over the wooden walkways, loving how the flowers were beginning to bloom, listening to the rushing waters, talking about nothing in particular. I bent down to dip my fingers into the stream and as I turned around Ray took a black velvet box out of his pocket and got down on one knee. I gasped! (AHHH!!!)

He smiled. I smiled, while wiping tears away, and listened to his heart - words, for me alone to hear, that I will always remember and never let go! When he asked me to marry him I SAID YES!!! (Of course!!) I did not want to leave the embrace of his arms. Sharing this life with my best friend is simply the greatest joy and privilege. I am so thankful, so blessed, so loved that words are just not enough. THANK-YOU LORD! It is God's grace that brought us together, has kept us together, and will keep us together. When Ray prayed tears of overwhelmed, certain happiness flowed. Christ at the centre at the beginning, Christ at the centre through it all, until the end. 

It was just so "us". 

Next came the celebrations of first showing our parents, screaming sisters, hugs and hugs and more hugs, phoning grandparents, a million messages sent, taking and uploading photos, changing statuses (YES!), running around to tell every one in sight, jumping up and down, squealing, laughing, more crying, dancing, lots of uncontrollable gushing and finally having a moment to sit down with Ray, eat chocolate and blog, hands shaking, about it :) My face really hurts so much from smiling so much :D 

In anticipation of your questions: Yes, he asked my dad weeks ago. Yes, I knew it was going to happen and thought perhaps (just maybe) it would be today! We have known for a longggg time that we were going to get married. We had looked at rings and I had tried some on for size a while ago. We had given our design to a jeweller friend of ours a month ago. I wasn't allowed to ask any questions - but each morning, as I came down the stairs to Ray waiting below, I would teasingly ask "Today?" and he would just laugh and kiss me. But when we left for the walk, I noticed that Ray couldn't stop smiling, was acting slightly strange and his hand seemed to be drifting over to his pocket... But I thought to myself, "It's just your imagination, dad is away and it's only my birthday next week... he probably doesn't even have the ring yet..?" Ray had promised to propose before his graduation at the end of the year - so I had been preparing to wait for a little while longer (only a little while though!) Right now I am sort of in a state of ecstatic disbelief, yet calm and sure of it all. I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER!!! (Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to explode)

Our families and friends have been amazing - their excitement, encouragement, love, support, wisdom and prayers. We can't wait to have you all involved in planning the wedding with us :) We are eternally grateful - thank-you! We cannot express how much all of your congratulations have meant to us! 

Now I cannot stop staring at my stunning, sparkling diamond and gazing at my handsome, godly, INCREDIBLE fiancé :) I am speechless at how beautiful my ring is and the feel of it (finally!) on my finger is just indescribable!!

Our plans for the future: We will, Lord willing, be getting married at the end of next year when I graduate. Until then I will keep you all posted with our wedding ideas, photographs and all the great stories we will have to share :)

Dreams, and MORE, have come true! I love you Raynard. 

A secret fear

It is a beautiful day. The sun is glimmering on the deep blue ocean. After my first dance staging rehearsal I am gasping for breath! Staging today consisted of raw feet, slipping on the slick stage, coughing and blowing my nose in between takes, getting blinded by the lights, and performing my heart out... (There is something magical about performing!) I am pushing myself to get better by drinking lots of tea, eating fresh, farm bread with homemade berry jam from the local Noordhoek farm village and trying to snuggle in bed for as long as possible. Which, while would be wonderful, is not possible with all my looming tests and assignments.

Late at night, in its quietness, my thoughts often drift. I love working. And I work very hard. All the time, every spare moment, into sheer exhaustion, endless hour upon hour upon hour... 

I understand that there must be a balance, but when I have to do so much work and struggle to do what is necessary, I barely have time to sleep, let alone relax or enjoy friendships. I cannot understand how my friends do it all... It is hurtful having to say no all the time, to turn down invitations because I am so incredibly busy. It has come to the point where my friends no longer ask me to join them because they know I won't be able to come. That is painful. Heartbreaking. 

When I am away from R at varsity, I feel lonely. It is then that I doubt. But when I come home and see R waiting at the train station for me, the world is put back on its axis.  

We all have to make sacrifices for what is truly important. I know that I have different priorities to my friends, that all that I do is in preparation for the future, planning for the life I will share with R. We have both been working together for this. They don't have that sort of perspective or path to travel. Varsity for me isn't about having a good time, but about working to the best of my abilities for God's glory and to make our dreams possible. I am terrified though, that I am sacrificing my friends and missing out on incredible memories... My parents met each other at varsity and made their lifelong friends at UCT. For me it has been different. Varsity is just a passing experience, a time to learn and grow, but it is not forever. I love studying, and am making the most of my time there, but am working for a purpose, going in a certain direction. 

It is the being left out that is difficult. I even have to make compromises to spend real quality time with R... and he is a million times more important than anything else. Our future is not vague, we are making plans and God is opening the doors. I cannot work any less (is there really such a thing as over-achieving?) but I fear that one day in the future, when we have achieved these goals, we won't have any friends left to share it all with... But if all I ever had was R (and our God) it would be more than enough. So while I question,  I know that my feet are on solid ground. That is an everlasting comfort.  

I love our families!

"We are all a little weird and a life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutual weirdness and call it love."

{Dr Seuss}

Yesterday was beautiful. The rain cleared and the sun shone. Our families could come together again. To Tribeca, after church, for white hot chocolate and mochas all round, yummy cheesecakes and tasting from each others plates (I'm so very happy!) I am incredibly grateful for my two wonderful families (especially when I know that it is not always like this). When we join, we laugh, we eat, we share, we care. It is easy and effortless. With R by my side, a link between his and mine, we are one. 

It is so encouraging to have the support of our parents in our future, with the planning, the dreaming and the wisdom given. I want them to be involved in every step of the way. With R graduating just weeks away (and other special happenings!) I cannot wait for all of us to be a united family again - and the next time we all see each other it is going to be one amazing celebration! (Although when both sets of parents start mentioning grandchildren... then it's time for another cup of coffee!) 

I don't think that I would be able to survive these early mornings, these train delays, these cold, days, these long, dark nights, this busyness without you. Thanks love, for sticking with me (I still can't believe it!)

A little piece of our love story

{Our first photograph together}

My ideal day is one spent with my best friend. We don't have to go anywhere or do something special, in fact, I love more than anything just spending all day with him, happily doing nothing! Enjoying his company is more than enough, he make every moment magical, this sort of day is just perfect - living life together.

Today has been wonderful. After early morning dance rehearsal it was time to start lazing around. We gathered up a pile of blankets and an armful of pillows ready to huddle, cuddle and snuggle down for the day. With books in hand we have spent hours relaxing, sipping tea (for me) and coffee (for him) simply content as the rain falls outside - not a gentle pitter-pattering, but wind howling, rain thundering, soil drenching, gutter pouring, door shaking, window rattling rain. Reminded once again how grateful I am for something so taken for granted as a warm home. 

Every now and then we see a glimmer of sunshine, but we dare not venture outside. Over toasted sandwiches we discuss what we are going to make for dinner for the family tonight and then hurry back to the couch to nap, wrapped safe in your arms, my heart overwhelmed (once again!) with awe and thankfulness. 

I am taken back... R and I met little over two years ago and I still can't believe how amazing it has all so blessedly turned out to be (thank-you Lord!) Ah, the memories. I am still astounded at how he so passionately pursued me and persevered (and still does) especially when I kept saying "No" (and of course so girlishly didn't mean it!) So much has changed,  I am amazed at how we have grown and how God has worked so beautifully. It is all too much to put into something as finite as words. 

Being entrusted with someone's heart is the greatest privilege and pleasure, to have the honour of sharing one's love and life is staggering, to grow each day - together - in knowing one another (and truly, vulnerably, intimately, preciously knowing!), understanding what love really is, realizing the grace of God more and more, struggling but holding each other accountable in keeping God at the centre, humbled over and over again, together keeping our minds on the cross, eternity and His will, and challenged in godliness... it is beyond anything I had ever imagined. (Better than anything I could have ever dreamed of!)

I don't know where this post is going... but I just wanted to express how brilliantly happy I am... I don't need anything more. I am overflowing with gratitude to God and all the inexpressibly good gifts He has given. Looking back and looking forward can only bring prayers of praise and thanksgiving to my Heavenly Father. He brought us together, He has kept us together, and He will carry us through. I pray that we will continue to trust in Him alone, to worship Him with all our hearts, to continually be changed by the Gospel and always glorify Him. 

... And I'm off to make some lovely hot chocolate for R and I, to get back to our blankets and books, to spend the next few hours together living our love story :)

Thanks babe, for everything!