What happened next...

I cannot believe that a week ago my best friend asked my to marry him!! (Heart bursts and joy overflows!!) Some moments it all just seems so normal and ordinary - we had known, talked about it and planned for it for so long, that while it was breathtakingly wonderful, it wasn't unexpected. But then there are moments when I am struck with awe and amazement. At his love, at our God, at my beautiful ring!! I am still in shock - you believe that it is surely coming, but when it actually happens... indescribable!! I cannot stop smiling :) (Just letting you know that Ray received the ring in the morning and by that afternoon it was on my finger - he is phenomenal!!) We are also having the most fun calling each other fiancé and fiancée (giggles like a girl in love).

The days leading up to the proposal, Ray proposing was honestly all I could think about. I had butterflies fluttering in my stomach all the time (and still do!!) It was incredible to hear from two of my best friends that literally minutes before I had told them of our engagement they had been guessing possible dates of when he would pop the question :) 

The morning after, when I awoke and realised that I was engaged, sheer happiness spread throughout me. A sense of disbelief and wonder consumed me. I suddenly seemed to remember the ring on my finger and the one who gave it to me. Reality was infinitely better than any fantasy. So thankful, so full of love, so overwhelmed. Words are just not enough. 

I love how my diamond glitters and sparkles. It captures the light and out from it shines tiny rainbows. I have started greeting friends by sticking my hand out, forcing them to admire my engagement ring (laughs). My church, varsity and dancing friends have been awesome. Their ecstasy and excitement for Ray and I is thrilling, encouraging and humbling. We know that we are truly blessed to have them in our lives (blinks back tears). Thank-you for celebrating with us!! We have received cards, chocolate, hugs, a million messages (which we must still reply too!!), advice and are booked out for coffee dates to share the story again and again :) Thank-you for the wishes, for telling us to enjoy this special time, sharing your memories of these moments, for supporting us, (for crying from happiness when you heard - you know who you are!) and for asking question after question about the wedding next year - we cannot wait either!

Our families have been just incredible!! Skyping his parents, skyping my sister in South Korea (where she and my mom have already decided that she is in charge of planning the wedding!), finally being able to showoff my ring to my dad when he returned, discussing details, dreams and ideas around the dinner table, the prayers said... it all warms our hearts. When my little sister found out last week (besides screaming and jumping up and down) the first thing she asked was what she was wearing, how her hair was going to be done, will be have red velvet cake and can she bring a friend... sisters are just precious :)  

 Our Sea Gypsy friend - who phoned, blogged about our engagement and came to visit us - brought delicious brownies and fudge from the Hope Street Market in town and my favourite macaroons from Cassis (wow!!) to celebrate. She came rushing through the gate with a stream of brightly coloured helium balloons flying behind her. Thank-you!! We cannot express how much we have appreciated you and your friendship. We are so excited to start all the wedding "stuff" searching and adventures this summer :) 

Sunday morning was the first moment where Ray and I could finally catch our breaths. We had a quiet breakfast of freshly baked breads and berry farm jam from Olympia cafe just down the road. 

I love this time of the year, when winter is slowly slipping to a close and there is a whisper of warmth just around the corner. Even the icy rain cannot dampen my mood - all I need is a warm scarf wrapped tightly around my neck and cup of coffee to keep me going. The sunrises at UCT have been glorious. I have even seen that the bare tree are beginning to bud. Riding the train home in the afternoon, breathing in the freshness of the ocean, I watch to see how the colour changes to reflect the sky. Some days it is a cold, dark grey, its inky waters storming, but other days it is a brilliant, bright blue, surfers out in the water and a breaching whale, that fills you with hope. 

Tonight was the dress rehearsal for Expressions - yes, we perform this weekend! With rehearsals every evening, the anticipation and nerves have been growing. There is shouting, tears, laughter, disappointments, adrenalin and happiness - at accomplishing something you have worked so hard for. All those hours dedicated, the pain, the rapid beating of your heart, the moment when you wait in the wings just before you step onto the stage, the blinding lights, hitting the movements perfectly, the clicking of the tap shoes, the vibrations of the music, the rustle of the velvet curtains, the red lipstick, glitter and false eyelashes... it is showtime!! 

(My litter sister and some of her fellow dancers just before "Big Jazz")

("Grace Dance Company" - this photograph was printed in the local newspaper today)

These past weeks have just been strange. I have felt so disorientated. I keep forgetting what day it is and what I am supposed to be doing (and it is not just to do with constantly being distracted by my stunning ring - while I'm brushing my teeth, while I'm sipping tea, while I'm trying to study - so basically all the time!!) but that I am utterly exhausted. I have been sick, have had to finish off a stack of tutorials, practical assignments, experiment reports and somehow write tests too. The proposal, the meeting with friends, the long hours of dance rehearsals, the late varsity days, the lack of sleep... Ray and I are both beyond tired. Ray, prayer, gentle caring and lovely friends have helped me to survive. (Also for the fact that my feet are still floating above the ground and that is feels like I'm living in a dream!!) This really has been the most amazing, stressful and challenging time of my life. Thank-you Lord, for everything, we are eternally grateful*

My lovely

I have been sick. And of course it has had to happen at the most inopportune time! Life is overwhelming enough at the moment without having this crash upon me. But it is in times like these, when your weak body fails you and all the pressures of varsity, friends and dancing are piled upon you, that you remember that cannot depend on your own strength and become even more aware of the person standing at your side, holding you up, carrying you along.

R always is lovely. His gentle care of me these past few days has made me feel better than anything I could have done! Whether it is driving me down to the train station these cold, dark mornings because we are too tired to walk, or making me hot chocolate and rubbing my back while I study. From bringing me medicine and tucking me into bed, wrapping the blankets warmly around me. From soothing hugs when I cannot stop coughing or throwing a box of tissues my way. From praying with me before bed, or putting his hoodies on me to keep the ice of winter away, to walking down to the station and waiting there, in the rain or feeble sunshine, for me to collapse into his arms after an exhausting day. From squeezing me orange juice for breakfast and making pancakes just the way I like it, to sending me little messages throughout the day, just to let me know that he is missing me. From saying that I look beautiful, and meaning it, when I feel anything but. It's the little things that make the biggest differences! So thank-you for making me smile when I am feeling awful, for the endless "I love you's", for teasing me to stop taking myself too seriously, for letting me take sips of your coffee and cuddling with me while we talk about our days.  

I know that I am blessed and every day I thank God, amazed, for you. 

Decadent chocolate mousse

So I have survived this weekend's brutal storm of terrifying thunder, flashes of white hot lightning slicing through the midnight sky, pelting hail, gale force winds shaking my windows in their paint-peeled wooden frames, pelting hail, the churning ocean and bitter coldness. 

I definitely think that we all could use some comfort food (also my lovely's family is down for the weekend!) And so this recipe came to mind:

I made this to impress my future in-laws... and let's just say that they were seriously impressed :) I love anything with chocolate and this is pure decadence and will satisfy any craving (I highly recommend doubling the recipe - a single recipe is shown below - because you will definitely be wanting more!)

What you need?

• 100g  (or 3 1/2oz) of dark chocolate (good quality)
• 1 Tbsp milk
• 2 eggs, separated
• 35g of castor sugar
• 150ml (or 5fl oz) of double cream

What to do?

1. Place the dark chocolate and milk in a heatproof bowl over a pan of simmering water. Melt and combine until smooth. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.
2. Place the egg yolks and sugar in a large bowl and whisk until thick a creamy.
3. Whisk in the melted chocolate gently. (When I did this I so brilliantly got my one finger stuck in the moving whisk/mixing things - and yes, the mixer was ON - needless to say it was VERY sore! So just be careful, or make sure that it is switched off at the wall before you push those prongs into the handheld mixer - lesson learnt). 
4. Whip the cream in a bowl until peaks form. Gently fold in the chocolate mixture until combined - take care not to over mix. 
5. Whisk the egg whites until still and fold into the chocolate mixture. (Yes, now you may lick all those yummy spoons!)
6. Spoon (I like to use a spatula) the chocolate mousse mixture into a serving bowl, or individual serving containers, and refrigerate for at least 2 hours (it is worth it).
7. Decorate with chocolate shavings, or crunchy biscotti and strong coffee, or a dollop of whipped cream :)

Go and impress your family!

Darling

Sunday evening. The weekend is coming to a close. These last few hours are always a mixture of too many things... the sad feelings of knowing that an early morning awaits, of rushing around to finish off your mounds of work and finally admitting defeat for the day and all the great plans that you had made. It is about making sure that you haven't forgotten anything important, but feeling like you have... of whispered conversations on the couch, attempting to hold onto this precious inbetween moment, wrapped in blankets and the warm glow of love, sipping hot chocolate and listening to the rain thunder in the winter darkness.  It is a time of wanting to go to bed early and drift off gently into blissful unconsciousness, yet wanting to stay up late as though tomorrow will never come...

A family tradition is to make pancakes on a Sunday evening after church. Right now I can hear my darling mixing the batter in the kitchen next door, accompanied by the sweet smell of cinnamon, while I finish off my studying. And somehow I feel like I may just make it through this next week...

Reflecting on my week

When the days drag but the week swiftly passes by. Time always seems to slip through our grasping fingers too quickly to collect or truly appreciate. The rushing, the busyness, the stress, the distance... it has been exhausting! A lightness, a sort of wearied relief, characterized my feelings as I walked briskly across campus after my last lecture of the week, winding my way under ice cold, grey skies, through the masses of students bustling from class to class or excitedly leaving for the weekend. Riding the bus and then the train, and walking home was wonderful, knowing that I have managed to stumble my way through yet another seven days - although the speed at which time is flying is a little bit terrifying!

On a day when you leave before sunrise and return home only after sunset, you are tired in every single way. It has been especially difficult with all the pressure of my varsity work and not being able to spend as much time with R to simply sit together and endlessly share our days. Sometimes all my anger and frustration builds up, waiting to come tumbling down at the first person to cross my path. Yes, I took it all out on my innocent, unsuspecting person. A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of being able to attend a Biblical counselling course. It has shone light onto my dark heart. No one can blame their circumstances or experiences for their behaviour and actions, for all your circumstances and experiences do are trigger what is already inside your heart - your behaviour and actions towards a person or a situation is simply the overflowing of your heart. Just like a dead man cannot bring himself back to life, so you cannot change your sinful heart by yourself - you need to be rescued and set free. And I was reminded of that again and again this week. 

 I know that I always say this but I still cannot believe how incredibly wonderful and amazing my person is. After I was truly, wickedly horrible to him, fighting about nothing at all, creating problems that were none, he still just unconditionally loved me. He forgives in a heartbeat, he will not leave me, he is faithful and true, so loyal and caring. He understands and never fails to support and encourage me. It not only humbles me, bringing burning tears to my eyes and sheer shame at my words towards him, but he blows me away. He makes me see what love really is. It is limitless, healing, a refuge in times of great need. His sacrifice and selflessness always leave me striving to be more like Jesus and worthy of his love. His love is a reflection of the cross - the greatest act of love ever to be displayed! Just like R so graciously loves me when I do not deserve it in the slightest, so God loved us when we were unlovely. R reminds me of that every day. 

I had some heart-to-heart conversations with my varsity friends this week. It is not often that we are so open and honest with each other. I was forced to remember a time when I held onto bitterness and rage. I did not want to forgive someone. I actually wanted revenge. For months I would not apologise. It ended that friendship, with much pain as we parted ways. When I think of how God forgave me, willingly died for me when I was His enemy, when I had rejected His rightful rule and turned my back on Him, my loving Creator... how dare I not forgive like He does? Looking back I realise how much hurt I could have avoided if I had admitted my faults and immaturity, and forgiven them. No it was not easy, but when I think on what God has so miraculously and indescribably done for me, my excuses and ungodly feelings are insignificant. Don't go to sleep tonight leaving any relationships broken - especially the one you have with your Saviour. 

These whispered conversations while we worked also had me retelling parts of R and my life-changing, love story. Again I can only thank the Lord for His grace and patience, His good, good plan, in bringing and keeping us together. Someday soon I will retell it for you all :)

It doesn't cost you anything to be kind or polite. It is in the little things... like giving up your seat on the train for someone else, holding the library door open for the student coming in behind you, smiling at a stranger, greeting the security guard that you walk past every day, in hugging a friend who is heartbroken. I was astounded at how cruel some people could be in deliberately inflicting hurt on the sweetest girl I know. Watching her cry in class caused my throat to burn as I held back furious words at those who had crushed her. Being a friend doesn't necessarily mean fighting someone's battles, but perhaps rather just being there with her as she struggles through - a source of comfort, bringing soothing peace, but ultimately leading her to the One who loves her even more than she could ever imagine.  

Well I have more work than I believe I can ever get through (this is when I stop depending on my feeble self and start praying!) but I keep R's forever love in the forefront of my mind, helping me grow, guiding me every step of the way... but more importantly - and always - living in the light of eternity! Remember what truly matters and what will endure... Happy weekend everyone :) 

A little piece of our love story

{Our first photograph together}

My ideal day is one spent with my best friend. We don't have to go anywhere or do something special, in fact, I love more than anything just spending all day with him, happily doing nothing! Enjoying his company is more than enough, he make every moment magical, this sort of day is just perfect - living life together.

Today has been wonderful. After early morning dance rehearsal it was time to start lazing around. We gathered up a pile of blankets and an armful of pillows ready to huddle, cuddle and snuggle down for the day. With books in hand we have spent hours relaxing, sipping tea (for me) and coffee (for him) simply content as the rain falls outside - not a gentle pitter-pattering, but wind howling, rain thundering, soil drenching, gutter pouring, door shaking, window rattling rain. Reminded once again how grateful I am for something so taken for granted as a warm home. 

Every now and then we see a glimmer of sunshine, but we dare not venture outside. Over toasted sandwiches we discuss what we are going to make for dinner for the family tonight and then hurry back to the couch to nap, wrapped safe in your arms, my heart overwhelmed (once again!) with awe and thankfulness. 

I am taken back... R and I met little over two years ago and I still can't believe how amazing it has all so blessedly turned out to be (thank-you Lord!) Ah, the memories. I am still astounded at how he so passionately pursued me and persevered (and still does) especially when I kept saying "No" (and of course so girlishly didn't mean it!) So much has changed,  I am amazed at how we have grown and how God has worked so beautifully. It is all too much to put into something as finite as words. 

Being entrusted with someone's heart is the greatest privilege and pleasure, to have the honour of sharing one's love and life is staggering, to grow each day - together - in knowing one another (and truly, vulnerably, intimately, preciously knowing!), understanding what love really is, realizing the grace of God more and more, struggling but holding each other accountable in keeping God at the centre, humbled over and over again, together keeping our minds on the cross, eternity and His will, and challenged in godliness... it is beyond anything I had ever imagined. (Better than anything I could have ever dreamed of!)

I don't know where this post is going... but I just wanted to express how brilliantly happy I am... I don't need anything more. I am overflowing with gratitude to God and all the inexpressibly good gifts He has given. Looking back and looking forward can only bring prayers of praise and thanksgiving to my Heavenly Father. He brought us together, He has kept us together, and He will carry us through. I pray that we will continue to trust in Him alone, to worship Him with all our hearts, to continually be changed by the Gospel and always glorify Him. 

... And I'm off to make some lovely hot chocolate for R and I, to get back to our blankets and books, to spend the next few hours together living our love story :)

Thanks babe, for everything!

Chocolate chunk cookies

Winter is raging. It is icy. Rain clouds have replaced the clear blue skies and wonderful warmth of the past few days. Across the country snow has fallen. And so, here is something that you can do to keep warm - bake American-style chewy chocolate chunk cookies. In my family we make these at least once a week - they really are THAT good! Within thirty minutes you will have gone from wanting, to making, to baking, to eating.

What you need:

• 2 eggs
• 1 1/3 cups of firmly packed brown sugar (that yummy sticky sugar, or you can just use white sugar and add a good squirt of golden syrup)
• 1/2 cup of vegetable oil
• 1 tsp vanilla or caramel essence
• 1 1/4 cups of self-raising flour (or normal flour with a tsp of baking powder)
• 1 1/2 cups of chocolate chips (or at least 2 100g slabs of dark chocolate roughly chopped into lovely large chunks of goodness) - personally, add as much chocolate as you like, for a true chocoholic believes that you can never have too much chocolate!
• 1 to 1 3/4 cups of either oats, walnuts, raisins or coconut (or a combination) - we usually add either oats (to make us feel "healthy") or crushed pecans 

What you do:

1. Preheat the oven to 180/200 C (or around 400 F).
2. Using an electric mixer (or your arm and a whisk - which will really warm you up!) beat the eggs and sugar together - for about 1 minute or until the mixture changes to a lighter colour.
3. Stir in the oil, essences, sifted dry ingredients and remaining ingredients (basically throw everything else into the bowl).
4. Cover and cool in the refrigerator for 30 minutes (I don't think we have ever done this step before - we just cannot wait!) But for those of you that have a little bit more baking patience, this is so that the mixture hardens to prevent the cookies from spreading while they bake (for us the oats usually hold the cookies together nicely).
5. Place spoonfuls of the cookie dough mixture onto a grease baking tray or two. If you have a really sweet tooth you can roll your cookie balls in icing sugar and then place them on the tray to bake.
6. Bake for about 10 minutes or until slightly brown. Allow to cool for 5 minutes (like that is going to happen!)
7. Enjoy while still warm - with a tall glass of cold milk or crumbled over a bowl of ice-cream :)

When I lay in bed, under my blankets, licking the melted chocolate off my fingers, all warm and cozy, I remember all those who are less fortunate than me... I have been so blessed and have so, so very much, while many in SA suffer in this freezing cold. Give thanks, be humble, share! Leave your safe, comfortable life and help those who go without, let your prayers become action, take a plate of cookies to your neighbour, go through your cupboards and fill boxes for the shelter down the road, donate blankets at your local supermarket, get involved in a church outreach or community project, smile at a stranger, make a small but loving difference :)

Afternoons spent with you :)

Every afternoon R and I walk our family dog Nao (except when it rains... you know all about that!) Today was stunningly beautiful - the warmest winter day :) Just before we left I saw fishing boats coming into the Kalk-Bay harbour.

This is home. This is the route we walk, the mountains behind us and the ocean ahead. I love how the colour of the ocean changes each day... We walk hand-in-hand, Nao straining on the lead, the trains rumbling next to us, following the saltly smell of the sea, listening to the gentle crash of the waves on the sandy shore, running up and down, the foam disappearing as quickly as it appeared... (Thank-you Lord - we love living here!)

We walk the monster around the lower Silvermine Vlei. I love the crunch of our feet on the orange clay pathway, and how it turns to a rich, red mud after it rains, patterned with footprints, bicycle tires, dog tracks. It is so quiet and peaceful - I always feel refreshed after one of our adventures around the wetland.

(And the relaxing under the clear, brilliant blue sky, begins)

(Wet feet!)

(Splashing in the river)

Walking between walls of flowers... tall golden rushes, towering high above our heads, the grass swaying back and forth, making music in the breeze, listening to the birds chirp and sing, dart in and out of their nests... the fiery orange and bright yellow fynbos, red tipped aloes, velvety succulents, budding proteas... 

(The wooden bridge flooded)

(Nao eating a flower, of course...)

(My "puppy")

And when we all come home, the dog wet, our legs aching, lulled by the sound of the rushing water, eating orange slices in the warm sunshine we are already excited for the next day's afternoon... where I can spend more time with my best friend (and the naughty Nao), because nothing makes me happier :)