Happiness ahead

Summer vacation. Months of Summer vacation have arrived!! 

I wrote my last wearying exam today and have already packed stacks of notes, books, files and textbooks away in my cupboard, not to be seen until next year (YES!!) The 3am mornings, many, many nights in a row, while quietly studying, I would glance up and gaze at the proteas Ray gave me, and smile, knowing that soon we would be on vacation together, filled with beach days, lazy Sunday afternoon naps, sunshine picnics, eating melting ice-cream, having not a care in the world... 

I cannot even begin to express my thanks... for all those who have walked beside me this year. For Ray, sunrise to sunset and beyond, holding me when I was too tired to hold myself up, praying when I had no words left to say, wiping my tears when I had almost given into despair, making me laugh when I didn't think I could. The constant, secure, all-encompassing, unconditional love of a best friend truly works a miracle each and every single day. Love you babe, would have never made it without you. 

And my family. Oh my wonderful family! Last night my dad said, "So apparently you're having a bit of a brain malfunction?" (They had obviously heard of my ritual pre-exam meltdown) But this afternoon, when I had returned, he said, "Looks like we have some sunshine in the house again!" (HEY!!) 

But most importantly, my Heavenly Father. When I look back on this year, all the beautiful happenings, more than I could have ever dreamed possible, life just getting better and better each moment, in the midst of challenges, stretching us, breaking us, growing us... He has sustained and He has blessed. He is so incredibly good. 

Varsity may be over for the year, but the busyness does not stop! At the moment Ray is writing his final FINAL exams (he graduates in just days!!), his family will be coming down to Cape Town (YAY!), there are end-of-year events to attend, Christmas socials, my best friend's wedding (CANNOT WAAAAIT!!) and my very own WEDDING PLANNING to do!! Exciting things are happening everyone, very exciting things :)

For the first time in months I have raided my mom's library bag and am reading a novel in bed. I am crying I am so happy. Oh sweet, exhausting relief. 

Goodnight :)

The end is in sight

Days of exams, sipping hot chocolate, sitting in the quiet Botany library, watching the grey clouds clear over the mountain and rays of sunshine filter through the glass, walking underneath the budding green leaves of the overhanging branches along student avenue,  getting lost in my own thoughts, jamming to local artists, humming their songs as I wait for the shuttle, running into friends, offering quick words of encouragement, feeling so much love towards my incredible classmates who make me laugh and smile and suffer beside me as we strive towards our final few days, raging after Genetics tests, sitting in the front row for Biochemistry, eating birthday cupcakes, sprinkles everywhere, getting to know one another more deeply, getting invited out to lunch, for milkshakes, to go dancing, making me like I somehow belong, just a little bit... almost being blow over by the howling winds, getting caught in drenching rain as I trudge across campus, only to have it stop as soon as I am sheltered at the bus stop, running after trains and just making them, or just missing them, but always running for them nevertheless, standing in awe of an ocean in chaos, rumbling and rolling, towering waves crashing over the Kalk-Bay harbour wall, the fishing boats surging with the swells... having Ray pick me up at the station so that I don't have to walk home in the rain, chocolate in his hand, ready with a hug as I throw myself at him, cold and exhausted, getting into my warm pyjamas, cuddling on the couch, quality time, just talking, wonderfully dreaming, making plans for the future, and praying when it is all we can do, humbled by the infinite grace, generousity and goodness of God, His perfect provision, how He is in control of each and every situation, how He has so abundantly and undeservedly blessed us, all we can do is say thank-you and give our lives to Him for His glory... still getting distracted by my sparkling ring, how the light reflects inside the diamond, shining like my smile when I think on the one who gave it to me, how he has changed me, helped me to grow, been a million times more than I ever knew I wanted or thought I could ever have, shattering and putting to shame any feeble fantasy and weak expectation that I once believed to be impossibly high, being so much greater in every way, beyond grateful for the very person he is, all that he does, how deep his love is for me, his support, his strength, his wisdom, and knowing that I would not be standing here without him (I cannot explain it all, words simply fail me, but I having the honour of spending my life with my indescribably amazing best friend still seems surreal to my glowing heart, forever his)... disbelief at having finished lectures for my second year at university, celebrating with red velvet cupcakes, sneaking ice-cream late at night while studying, taking a lovely, long nap at the end of the week, being asked constantly about our wedding planning, having to pack away engagement gifts, being spoiled by kind friends, giving ideas around the family dinner table, excited for the holidays to begin, for family to come down and for everyone to get involved, for Ray's graduation, my best friend's wedding, and everything happening inbetween... at the moment life is stressful, but it is full of joy too, because the end is in sight and good times are ahead...

Things I love about Raynard

(Just a few... or else you would be here forever!!)

1. His smile :)
2. The way he laughs.
3. How he sings in church, but doesn't pay attention and gets the lyrics wrong.
4. How he plays with the engagement ring on my finger.
5. His crushing hugs.
6. How he loves to read. And all the incredible authors he devours. Challenging and encouraging me. 
7. When he excitedly tells me of all that he is learning about in class and laughs when I get it all wrong. Or attempt to argue with him, just because. 
8. He makes the best chocolate chunk cookies. Actually he is a wonderful baker. (I am a little bit jealous!)
9. How he is "crunchy" reformed. But together we struggle through the questions and hot topics. We are growing!
10. He makes the ordinary, every day, magical.
11. His generosity, honesty and utter faithfulness.
12. He is truly selfless. 
13. The way he teases my sisters, bakes with them, talk to my mom, discusses theology with my dad, walks our dog, and how my family adores him. (Perfect!)
14. How he was the only one that would teach me to drive - and whenever I drive his car he tries so hard to not freak out and just prays like crazy. Still can't believe he gave me a set of my own keys for "our" car!
15. He spoils me with little treats all the time and lets me know that he is constantly thinking of me. He never stops saying "I love you" (and I never get tried of hearing it!)
16. He is open to adventures and is happy to try out new things with me.
17. He makes me breakfast and lunch every single day for varsity, before the sun has risen, and walks me to the train station - for almost two years now!!
18. He is still trying to teach me how to Sokkie.
19. He never complains. And reminds me to be thankful for all the rich blessings and provisions that God has given to us.
20. The way he holds me while we dance around the kitchen.
21. The way he is always calm and keeps my feet on level ground.
22. He loves the beach but hates the sand - like me.
23. He never seems to be afraid. Even when I am terrified. (He also kills spiders and creepy bugs for me without blinking an eye).
24. His perspective - helping me to refocus on what truly matters, what really lasts, what stretches into eternity and to live in that light.
25. His passion for the gospel and mission.
26. His love for apologetics.
27. He gives me the last piece of chocolate, scoop of ice-cream, sip of his hot chocolate. He shares when I am tempted to be greedy and keep it all for myself. 
28. Holding me accountable.
29. He does everything for God's glory.
30. He cooks, he cleans, he gardens, he does laundry, he is able to fix almost anything, it's every girl's dream!
31. The way he can fall asleep just like that. And almost every time we watch a movie.
32. Related: what his hair looks like when he wake up - it's adorable :)
33. His gentle care, knowing what I need when I don't even realize it, always making me feel better.
34. He makes the best toasted cheese sandwiches. And tea!
35. He is slow to get angry and quick to forgive.
36. His love is overwhelming, gracious, undeserved.
37. He loves food just as much as I do :D
38. He has turned me into a coffee addict.
39. How he is trying to convert me to love his favourite sports - cycling, cricket, rugby - but doesn't mind if I just don't get it, or would rather read a book.
40. His talent in taking the most spectacular, insightful photographs that tell a story
41. He put me first, thinks of my best interests constantly, always has a plan, provides for me, makes provision for the future, works so incredibly hard to make it all possible.
42. He makes me feel beautiful, especially when I feel anything but.
43. We dream together. Who could think of anything more amazing than being able to spend the rest of your life with your best friend?!
44. He makes me feel safe.
45. His prayers.
46. Whenever I get angry he just smiles and starts laughing, making me more angry, until I realise how ridiculous I am being and start laughing too :)
47. His sense of humour.
48. His perseverance. He never gives up on me. 
49. His support and strength. 
50. I never realised it would be like this - fully vulnerable before someone, yet fully trusted and accepted by them, loved unconditionally by them, despite your faults. It is wondrous! He has showed me what real love is. Like the love God has shown us in His Son Jesus. 

Happy Anniversary Raynard! Here is to forever.

Driving Miss Danica

There are two types of people: those who get their driver's license the minute they are eighteen, and then there are those who, well, don't... they sort of just wait until the very last dreaded moment. I am definitely the second type! I have had no desire to drive, for that freedom and independence... 

Well anyway, today that dreaded minute came, with all the stress, shivering with nerves and knots tying and twisting in my stomach. And while I am slightly embarrassed to be a twenty-one year old who doesn't have a driver's license, I knew it was just something that I had to do! My greatest comfort was knowing that whatever happened, God had a plan and was in perfect control :)

You may be wondering why I hadn't it gotten in yet? I turned eighteen late in my last year of school, had preliminary and final exams, travelled overseas for several months and have been busy busy busy with varsity. 

Driving is also difficult eh! In South Africa all the rules and countless, unnecessary observations are enough to cause you to have an accident! It is not uncommon to hear of someone only passing on the third, fifth, eighth time... So yes I was feeling slightly terrified!

When I made it out of the parking lot, legs shaking on the clutch, without hitting any poles, and over the hill start, revving loudly, I was starting to feel more confident. The test wasn't going too badly - even though I had just witness the girl before me fail. The road test went well too, or so I thought, not hitting any pedestrians, mounting the kerbs or smashing into cars while running through red lights... 

You find out whether you passed or failed once they add up your offences and their scores. While sitting in the traffic office, seeing all those crosses and numbers, I was sure I had failed and the tears started to fall. The examiner said, "You have to come back." I was shattered. So disappointed. All the time, the practising, the money spent, the worries... only to have to do it all over again. And yes, I cried some more. He slipped my test sheet over and tapped it... I didn't understand: it said "PASS!" He meant that I have to come back in a few weeks to pick up my license!! 

Sweet RELIEF!! So very happy, so incredibly thankful - for Ray's constant patience, support and for teaching me to drive when no one else would (laughs), the encouragement from friends and prayers from my family!! 

What was really special, once all the sniffing stopped and smiling started, my examiner and I chatted while he did the administration - it was awesome finding out that his Lord is Jesus too!! It is astounding to see how God provided an honest, fair, yet kind hearted man to test me...

While I have driven his car before, Ray has officially given me a key of my own - UHOH!! I don't think I will driving around any time soon (I know it takes time to become a good driver!!) but in the future you will be hearing of all the roadtrip adventures we will be taking :)

Tomorrow's worries

"But seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

{Matthew 6:33-34}

Once again, I am so humbled by Ray - his friendship, love, strength and support for me - I would not be able to do this without you. No matter what happens, I know that I have you, that you will always be waiting for me - if it goes well or not. I am so nervous, but your faith in me keeps me going, smiling the tears away. Oh, these busy times! But Fridays seem to be the days where everything has been happening for us - let us hope this will be another good memory to add to our collection. Thank-you for constantly reminding me of the eternally comforting truths of God's Word. Trusting in God, together, relieves my worries and fears. 

These sunshine days

This sunny week has been one of...

Rest - taking lazy Sunday afternoon naps, sleeping late and waking up to risen sun's rays streaming through my curtains.

Family - a birthday tradition is that us "children" request our favourite meal and our mom will make it for us (and every year I ask for the same thing: Lasange!) We laughed around the table, everyone talking at once, sipped something sparkling and stuffed ourselves with black forest sponge cake with cream and cherries, ice-cream and homemade chocolate sauce, Ray and I sharing bowl, with me sneaking in extra spoonfuls.

Blue skies :)

Sunrises and cool sea breezes - while waiting at the Kalk-Bay harbour train station. 

Wedding dress shopping with my best friend - love, listening to the stories shared, eyes misting with tears at her glowing beauty, the excitement, joy and memories made. There were Ooooh's and Ahhhh's and feet dreamily floating above the ground, trailing silk, organza, chiffon, satin, lace, beads and ribbons. White hot chocolate, toffee coffee and chocolate cookie milkshakes with chocolate marshmallow, coffee and walnut cake ended off our romantic adventure.

No dancing - after a show we always take a break. 

Walks in the sunshine - Ray taking me back to the "our place" where he proposed. Every day, over the wooden walkways, enjoying the rush of the water and the brightly coloured flowers (they are in full bloom!), so peaceful and refreshing. The ocean behind us and the mountain before us, in awe of God's creation. For us it is a time to escape from work and just talk and talk and talk some more. We love it!

Tea and chatting with friends over sweet treats at Tribeca in Kalk-Bay - dreaming of the future.

Holding your hand and singing next to you in church - happy. 

Breakfasts with my fiance - from french toast to eggs on toast with fried tomatoes, our favourite meal of the day :)

Work and pounding headaches at one in the morning - there has been no working ahead but rather only catching up on all that I let slip the last few weeks of the term with all the wonderful things that happened. I always say, "The more I do today the less I have to do tomorrow..." although it never seems to work out that way! My rule is I have to finish what I planned to do, or have to accomplish for that day - which leads to very late nights/very early mornings. I am extremely nervous for the upcoming semester, with exams just weeks away, but trusting in God.

Reading old fashion magazines while taking a steaming hot bath using all my birthday treats of delicious smelling salts and scrubs. 

AHHH!! - My beautiful engagement ring!!! (Yes, I still get these moments of awestruck disbelief).

Smiles - at being able to spend every day this week at home, seeing Ray between his classes, quick cups of coffee, sitting outside listening to the birds sing, prayers before bed, studying side by side.

Falling more deeply in love. 

Stolen moments of pure procrastination - something as simple as watching a movie with Ray (we never have the time!) while eating yummy gummies and chocolate, snuggled in blankets on the couch, pure bliss :) 

Day dreaming - while I should really be studying. (Hasn't been much of a "vacation").

Thankfulness and amazement at God's goodness - still overwhelmed at the love and support of family and friends, for their wishes and heartfelt messages, for God in sustaining us through these hectic times, carrying us through to the end... In Ray's kindness, generosity, faithfulness and sacrifice leaving me speechless day after day... He is amazing, always putting me first, in making plans for the future, preparing us for what comes after the wedding, making provision, being a godly and mature man, looking after us, making me feel safe and secure... I can only thank God for His grace and blessing in giving me Ray. 

Reading through my new children's Bible - loving it! (I would like to start collecting good children Bibles - one can never grow tired of reading the incredible and true stories of the Bible, learn solid doctrine, understand how each story points to the coming Saviour Jesus, how the world needs to be saved and how God has had a loving plan and promise from the very beginning!)

Perspective.

Well I'm off to enjoy my final days of mid-semester vacation, appreciating Ray and squeezing some sleep, between studying, in! Happy weekend :)

What happened next...

I cannot believe that a week ago my best friend asked my to marry him!! (Heart bursts and joy overflows!!) Some moments it all just seems so normal and ordinary - we had known, talked about it and planned for it for so long, that while it was breathtakingly wonderful, it wasn't unexpected. But then there are moments when I am struck with awe and amazement. At his love, at our God, at my beautiful ring!! I am still in shock - you believe that it is surely coming, but when it actually happens... indescribable!! I cannot stop smiling :) (Just letting you know that Ray received the ring in the morning and by that afternoon it was on my finger - he is phenomenal!!) We are also having the most fun calling each other fiancé and fiancée (giggles like a girl in love).

The days leading up to the proposal, Ray proposing was honestly all I could think about. I had butterflies fluttering in my stomach all the time (and still do!!) It was incredible to hear from two of my best friends that literally minutes before I had told them of our engagement they had been guessing possible dates of when he would pop the question :) 

The morning after, when I awoke and realised that I was engaged, sheer happiness spread throughout me. A sense of disbelief and wonder consumed me. I suddenly seemed to remember the ring on my finger and the one who gave it to me. Reality was infinitely better than any fantasy. So thankful, so full of love, so overwhelmed. Words are just not enough. 

I love how my diamond glitters and sparkles. It captures the light and out from it shines tiny rainbows. I have started greeting friends by sticking my hand out, forcing them to admire my engagement ring (laughs). My church, varsity and dancing friends have been awesome. Their ecstasy and excitement for Ray and I is thrilling, encouraging and humbling. We know that we are truly blessed to have them in our lives (blinks back tears). Thank-you for celebrating with us!! We have received cards, chocolate, hugs, a million messages (which we must still reply too!!), advice and are booked out for coffee dates to share the story again and again :) Thank-you for the wishes, for telling us to enjoy this special time, sharing your memories of these moments, for supporting us, (for crying from happiness when you heard - you know who you are!) and for asking question after question about the wedding next year - we cannot wait either!

Our families have been just incredible!! Skyping his parents, skyping my sister in South Korea (where she and my mom have already decided that she is in charge of planning the wedding!), finally being able to showoff my ring to my dad when he returned, discussing details, dreams and ideas around the dinner table, the prayers said... it all warms our hearts. When my little sister found out last week (besides screaming and jumping up and down) the first thing she asked was what she was wearing, how her hair was going to be done, will be have red velvet cake and can she bring a friend... sisters are just precious :)  

 Our Sea Gypsy friend - who phoned, blogged about our engagement and came to visit us - brought delicious brownies and fudge from the Hope Street Market in town and my favourite macaroons from Cassis (wow!!) to celebrate. She came rushing through the gate with a stream of brightly coloured helium balloons flying behind her. Thank-you!! We cannot express how much we have appreciated you and your friendship. We are so excited to start all the wedding "stuff" searching and adventures this summer :) 

Sunday morning was the first moment where Ray and I could finally catch our breaths. We had a quiet breakfast of freshly baked breads and berry farm jam from Olympia cafe just down the road. 

I love this time of the year, when winter is slowly slipping to a close and there is a whisper of warmth just around the corner. Even the icy rain cannot dampen my mood - all I need is a warm scarf wrapped tightly around my neck and cup of coffee to keep me going. The sunrises at UCT have been glorious. I have even seen that the bare tree are beginning to bud. Riding the train home in the afternoon, breathing in the freshness of the ocean, I watch to see how the colour changes to reflect the sky. Some days it is a cold, dark grey, its inky waters storming, but other days it is a brilliant, bright blue, surfers out in the water and a breaching whale, that fills you with hope. 

Tonight was the dress rehearsal for Expressions - yes, we perform this weekend! With rehearsals every evening, the anticipation and nerves have been growing. There is shouting, tears, laughter, disappointments, adrenalin and happiness - at accomplishing something you have worked so hard for. All those hours dedicated, the pain, the rapid beating of your heart, the moment when you wait in the wings just before you step onto the stage, the blinding lights, hitting the movements perfectly, the clicking of the tap shoes, the vibrations of the music, the rustle of the velvet curtains, the red lipstick, glitter and false eyelashes... it is showtime!! 

(My litter sister and some of her fellow dancers just before "Big Jazz")

("Grace Dance Company" - this photograph was printed in the local newspaper today)

These past weeks have just been strange. I have felt so disorientated. I keep forgetting what day it is and what I am supposed to be doing (and it is not just to do with constantly being distracted by my stunning ring - while I'm brushing my teeth, while I'm sipping tea, while I'm trying to study - so basically all the time!!) but that I am utterly exhausted. I have been sick, have had to finish off a stack of tutorials, practical assignments, experiment reports and somehow write tests too. The proposal, the meeting with friends, the long hours of dance rehearsals, the late varsity days, the lack of sleep... Ray and I are both beyond tired. Ray, prayer, gentle caring and lovely friends have helped me to survive. (Also for the fact that my feet are still floating above the ground and that is feels like I'm living in a dream!!) This really has been the most amazing, stressful and challenging time of my life. Thank-you Lord, for everything, we are eternally grateful*

The Proposal!

Today is beautiful and I will cherish it forever!! Here is the proposal and the much awaited details! I will say though, that letting everyone know that you are engaged is a wonderful, never ending, rush - I am hugging friends and talking on the phone to family members, while I am trying to email pictures, tweet about it and skype at the same time! It's an excited blur...

Today began like any other day. When I arrived home from varsity Ray asked me if I would like to go for a walk, like we have done countless times before. The sun was shining high in the sky and a cool breeze was blowing off the ocean. We headed to Silvermine where we had first gone together two years ago, to our favourite place, where it all began :) Walking hand-in-hand, over the wooden walkways, loving how the flowers were beginning to bloom, listening to the rushing waters, talking about nothing in particular. I bent down to dip my fingers into the stream and as I turned around Ray took a black velvet box out of his pocket and got down on one knee. I gasped! (AHHH!!!)

He smiled. I smiled, while wiping tears away, and listened to his heart - words, for me alone to hear, that I will always remember and never let go! When he asked me to marry him I SAID YES!!! (Of course!!) I did not want to leave the embrace of his arms. Sharing this life with my best friend is simply the greatest joy and privilege. I am so thankful, so blessed, so loved that words are just not enough. THANK-YOU LORD! It is God's grace that brought us together, has kept us together, and will keep us together. When Ray prayed tears of overwhelmed, certain happiness flowed. Christ at the centre at the beginning, Christ at the centre through it all, until the end. 

It was just so "us". 

Next came the celebrations of first showing our parents, screaming sisters, hugs and hugs and more hugs, phoning grandparents, a million messages sent, taking and uploading photos, changing statuses (YES!), running around to tell every one in sight, jumping up and down, squealing, laughing, more crying, dancing, lots of uncontrollable gushing and finally having a moment to sit down with Ray, eat chocolate and blog, hands shaking, about it :) My face really hurts so much from smiling so much :D 

In anticipation of your questions: Yes, he asked my dad weeks ago. Yes, I knew it was going to happen and thought perhaps (just maybe) it would be today! We have known for a longggg time that we were going to get married. We had looked at rings and I had tried some on for size a while ago. We had given our design to a jeweller friend of ours a month ago. I wasn't allowed to ask any questions - but each morning, as I came down the stairs to Ray waiting below, I would teasingly ask "Today?" and he would just laugh and kiss me. But when we left for the walk, I noticed that Ray couldn't stop smiling, was acting slightly strange and his hand seemed to be drifting over to his pocket... But I thought to myself, "It's just your imagination, dad is away and it's only my birthday next week... he probably doesn't even have the ring yet..?" Ray had promised to propose before his graduation at the end of the year - so I had been preparing to wait for a little while longer (only a little while though!) Right now I am sort of in a state of ecstatic disbelief, yet calm and sure of it all. I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER!!! (Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to explode)

Our families and friends have been amazing - their excitement, encouragement, love, support, wisdom and prayers. We can't wait to have you all involved in planning the wedding with us :) We are eternally grateful - thank-you! We cannot express how much all of your congratulations have meant to us! 

Now I cannot stop staring at my stunning, sparkling diamond and gazing at my handsome, godly, INCREDIBLE fiancé :) I am speechless at how beautiful my ring is and the feel of it (finally!) on my finger is just indescribable!!

Our plans for the future: We will, Lord willing, be getting married at the end of next year when I graduate. Until then I will keep you all posted with our wedding ideas, photographs and all the great stories we will have to share :)

Dreams, and MORE, have come true! I love you Raynard. 

My lovely

I have been sick. And of course it has had to happen at the most inopportune time! Life is overwhelming enough at the moment without having this crash upon me. But it is in times like these, when your weak body fails you and all the pressures of varsity, friends and dancing are piled upon you, that you remember that cannot depend on your own strength and become even more aware of the person standing at your side, holding you up, carrying you along.

R always is lovely. His gentle care of me these past few days has made me feel better than anything I could have done! Whether it is driving me down to the train station these cold, dark mornings because we are too tired to walk, or making me hot chocolate and rubbing my back while I study. From bringing me medicine and tucking me into bed, wrapping the blankets warmly around me. From soothing hugs when I cannot stop coughing or throwing a box of tissues my way. From praying with me before bed, or putting his hoodies on me to keep the ice of winter away, to walking down to the station and waiting there, in the rain or feeble sunshine, for me to collapse into his arms after an exhausting day. From squeezing me orange juice for breakfast and making pancakes just the way I like it, to sending me little messages throughout the day, just to let me know that he is missing me. From saying that I look beautiful, and meaning it, when I feel anything but. It's the little things that make the biggest differences! So thank-you for making me smile when I am feeling awful, for the endless "I love you's", for teasing me to stop taking myself too seriously, for letting me take sips of your coffee and cuddling with me while we talk about our days.  

I know that I am blessed and every day I thank God, amazed, for you. 

I love our families!

"We are all a little weird and a life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutual weirdness and call it love."

{Dr Seuss}

Yesterday was beautiful. The rain cleared and the sun shone. Our families could come together again. To Tribeca, after church, for white hot chocolate and mochas all round, yummy cheesecakes and tasting from each others plates (I'm so very happy!) I am incredibly grateful for my two wonderful families (especially when I know that it is not always like this). When we join, we laugh, we eat, we share, we care. It is easy and effortless. With R by my side, a link between his and mine, we are one. 

It is so encouraging to have the support of our parents in our future, with the planning, the dreaming and the wisdom given. I want them to be involved in every step of the way. With R graduating just weeks away (and other special happenings!) I cannot wait for all of us to be a united family again - and the next time we all see each other it is going to be one amazing celebration! (Although when both sets of parents start mentioning grandchildren... then it's time for another cup of coffee!) 

I don't think that I would be able to survive these early mornings, these train delays, these cold, days, these long, dark nights, this busyness without you. Thanks love, for sticking with me (I still can't believe it!)

Sunshine smiles

The sun is shining and we are smiling :)

For days I had been anticipating these moments. R and I spend every day together, but we are always so incredibly busy, working side-by-side late into the night, or the painful, early hours of the morning... and I could just not wait to have a day off and spend it relaxing with my best friend.

Even a Genetics test, horrendous practical and delayed trains could dampen my excitement of being able to attend Bible study last night. It is a time of encouragement, of being challenged, grappling to understand God's Word, together being shaped by the truth, asking those difficult questions, honest prayer, feeling awe and thankfulness. But it is also a time of great laughter, teasing one another, catching up, eating way too many chocolates, wrapped in R's warm jacket, a blazing fire place and screaming at the TV cheering our Olympic favourites on... It fills you up. The sense of unity, friendship, accountability and love, we are like a family :)

Something that struck me again last night in discussion... as a believer, I have died with Christ, my sin has been crucified with Him on the cross, and I have been raised to new life, to freedom, not to myself, not to do whatever I so please, not to sin, but to live for God, free to obey Him, to say no to sin and be more like Christ... I am free to live how God originally created humanity to be in the very beginning, to glorify God! 

After a long, dreamless sleep, lazing in warmth and for once getting out of bed only after the sun has risen... ah, wonderful! I celebrated my Women's day with a group of lovely ladies. It was a colour workshop, where you discover what "season" you are - a Summer, Winter, Autumn or Spring. Mounds of fabrics where draped over us, comments of "Oh, that looks awful!" or "Wow, that makes you glow!" ensued with much love and laughter. Then tea with nutty, chocolate Texas brownies and decadent New York cheesecake, standing on the balcony overlooking the most glorious view of endless, deep blue ocean stretching before us, high up on the mountain with the whole bay far below, the white sails of the boats twinkling in the distance. 

I have been enjoying the sun with R, loving these stolen hours, just grateful. But the day is only going to get better with a family barbecue :) Happy Thursday! 

Reflecting on my week

When the days drag but the week swiftly passes by. Time always seems to slip through our grasping fingers too quickly to collect or truly appreciate. The rushing, the busyness, the stress, the distance... it has been exhausting! A lightness, a sort of wearied relief, characterized my feelings as I walked briskly across campus after my last lecture of the week, winding my way under ice cold, grey skies, through the masses of students bustling from class to class or excitedly leaving for the weekend. Riding the bus and then the train, and walking home was wonderful, knowing that I have managed to stumble my way through yet another seven days - although the speed at which time is flying is a little bit terrifying!

On a day when you leave before sunrise and return home only after sunset, you are tired in every single way. It has been especially difficult with all the pressure of my varsity work and not being able to spend as much time with R to simply sit together and endlessly share our days. Sometimes all my anger and frustration builds up, waiting to come tumbling down at the first person to cross my path. Yes, I took it all out on my innocent, unsuspecting person. A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of being able to attend a Biblical counselling course. It has shone light onto my dark heart. No one can blame their circumstances or experiences for their behaviour and actions, for all your circumstances and experiences do are trigger what is already inside your heart - your behaviour and actions towards a person or a situation is simply the overflowing of your heart. Just like a dead man cannot bring himself back to life, so you cannot change your sinful heart by yourself - you need to be rescued and set free. And I was reminded of that again and again this week. 

 I know that I always say this but I still cannot believe how incredibly wonderful and amazing my person is. After I was truly, wickedly horrible to him, fighting about nothing at all, creating problems that were none, he still just unconditionally loved me. He forgives in a heartbeat, he will not leave me, he is faithful and true, so loyal and caring. He understands and never fails to support and encourage me. It not only humbles me, bringing burning tears to my eyes and sheer shame at my words towards him, but he blows me away. He makes me see what love really is. It is limitless, healing, a refuge in times of great need. His sacrifice and selflessness always leave me striving to be more like Jesus and worthy of his love. His love is a reflection of the cross - the greatest act of love ever to be displayed! Just like R so graciously loves me when I do not deserve it in the slightest, so God loved us when we were unlovely. R reminds me of that every day. 

I had some heart-to-heart conversations with my varsity friends this week. It is not often that we are so open and honest with each other. I was forced to remember a time when I held onto bitterness and rage. I did not want to forgive someone. I actually wanted revenge. For months I would not apologise. It ended that friendship, with much pain as we parted ways. When I think of how God forgave me, willingly died for me when I was His enemy, when I had rejected His rightful rule and turned my back on Him, my loving Creator... how dare I not forgive like He does? Looking back I realise how much hurt I could have avoided if I had admitted my faults and immaturity, and forgiven them. No it was not easy, but when I think on what God has so miraculously and indescribably done for me, my excuses and ungodly feelings are insignificant. Don't go to sleep tonight leaving any relationships broken - especially the one you have with your Saviour. 

These whispered conversations while we worked also had me retelling parts of R and my life-changing, love story. Again I can only thank the Lord for His grace and patience, His good, good plan, in bringing and keeping us together. Someday soon I will retell it for you all :)

It doesn't cost you anything to be kind or polite. It is in the little things... like giving up your seat on the train for someone else, holding the library door open for the student coming in behind you, smiling at a stranger, greeting the security guard that you walk past every day, in hugging a friend who is heartbroken. I was astounded at how cruel some people could be in deliberately inflicting hurt on the sweetest girl I know. Watching her cry in class caused my throat to burn as I held back furious words at those who had crushed her. Being a friend doesn't necessarily mean fighting someone's battles, but perhaps rather just being there with her as she struggles through - a source of comfort, bringing soothing peace, but ultimately leading her to the One who loves her even more than she could ever imagine.  

Well I have more work than I believe I can ever get through (this is when I stop depending on my feeble self and start praying!) but I keep R's forever love in the forefront of my mind, helping me grow, guiding me every step of the way... but more importantly - and always - living in the light of eternity! Remember what truly matters and what will endure... Happy weekend everyone :) 

Making it through the week...

Some days are just strange. I will suddenly look up and think, "How did I get here?" 

Well it has been a long week back at varsity. But earlier today, just sitting in the sunshine, I realized that I had actually made it through - God is good, it always works out in the end! 

Here are some happenings from my week (and hopefully they will make you groan and laugh like I did experiencing them!)

Yesterday morning the train was seriously delayed. I was beginning to panic, wondering how I was going to get to varsity on time. The thing about catching the train each morning is that there are the "regulars" - those who you nod hello to each day, those familiar faces, but people who you don't actually know. A boy turned to me and said, "You want a lift to UCT?" (R and I look at each other) "Sure, thanks!" I reply, secretly thinking, "Please don't kill me, please don't kill me!"As we were driving R texted me, "I need his name, surname, car, colour, licence plate number..." haha, but as you can obviously tell, I wasn't murdered (phew), made it on time to class (yay) and I also made a new friend :) 

This morning, unfortunately, didn't go much better - I overslept by forty minutes, dressed in a flash, ran out the doors and missed my "usual" train by seconds! "Just breathe, just breathe..." (Insert mini-breakdown) But once again, by a miracle, I stumbled through the lecture theatre doors just before it began. I spent today in a sort of a daze, somehow making it from class to class, feeling like I am forgetting something, longing to get home to R... My day also consisted of just missing more buses and more train delays (of course) but I could smile, knowing that in the greater view of life these "sufferings" of mine are really nothing at all to complain about - it is actually quite ridiculous how upset I get about this little things (I'm sorry - no more self pity!)

Let me tell you about this week's Human Physiology lecturer - he is actually a friend of mine and he works at the Sport Science Institute. His stories in class this week made us wonder how in the world he was still alive - from a cyst in his leg constricting his nerves causing paralysis, to a drop foot, to dead muscle taking a year to regenerate, to constantly tripping while running and dislocating his shoulder or ripping his intercostal muscles, to almost falling into a coma due to a research glucose/insulin experiment gone wrong, to his respiratory muscles stopping due to too many drugs administered during a surgery and dying on the table and being be resuscitated... can you believe it?! Next year when he teaches us again I can only imagine what life/death experiences he will share with us - he is absolutely brilliant :)  

I also want to say that in my lectures this week I have really seen God's genius design and breath-taking creativity in all of life, in the most complex details, in sustaining it all, how everything works so perfectly together... no one can explain it, no one can truly understand it! Wow... it is wonderful being constantly amazed and in awe of my Creator, His sheer power and control of the universe. I am reminded to give Him alone all the glory!

And here I am, at this very moment, watching the Olympics' incredible opening ceremony (eating sour jelly beans, cuddled under blankets on the couch, R trying not to fall asleep rather unsuccessfully and blogging away), feeling such pride for my family's countries - South Africa, the United States of America, Namibia, Germany and Belgium - we are behind you all the way, "Go teams go!" I love times like these when the world comes together... gives a glimpse of the unity and diversity (makes me think of Heaven...)

Well I am exhausted and still not sure how I survived these past few days (thank-you Lord!). R, thanks for being strong when I feel so weak. I know that I can stand because you are by my side. And with that I am off to dreamland, goodnight*