These sunshine days

This sunny week has been one of...

Rest - taking lazy Sunday afternoon naps, sleeping late and waking up to risen sun's rays streaming through my curtains.

Family - a birthday tradition is that us "children" request our favourite meal and our mom will make it for us (and every year I ask for the same thing: Lasange!) We laughed around the table, everyone talking at once, sipped something sparkling and stuffed ourselves with black forest sponge cake with cream and cherries, ice-cream and homemade chocolate sauce, Ray and I sharing bowl, with me sneaking in extra spoonfuls.

Blue skies :)

Sunrises and cool sea breezes - while waiting at the Kalk-Bay harbour train station. 

Wedding dress shopping with my best friend - love, listening to the stories shared, eyes misting with tears at her glowing beauty, the excitement, joy and memories made. There were Ooooh's and Ahhhh's and feet dreamily floating above the ground, trailing silk, organza, chiffon, satin, lace, beads and ribbons. White hot chocolate, toffee coffee and chocolate cookie milkshakes with chocolate marshmallow, coffee and walnut cake ended off our romantic adventure.

No dancing - after a show we always take a break. 

Walks in the sunshine - Ray taking me back to the "our place" where he proposed. Every day, over the wooden walkways, enjoying the rush of the water and the brightly coloured flowers (they are in full bloom!), so peaceful and refreshing. The ocean behind us and the mountain before us, in awe of God's creation. For us it is a time to escape from work and just talk and talk and talk some more. We love it!

Tea and chatting with friends over sweet treats at Tribeca in Kalk-Bay - dreaming of the future.

Holding your hand and singing next to you in church - happy. 

Breakfasts with my fiance - from french toast to eggs on toast with fried tomatoes, our favourite meal of the day :)

Work and pounding headaches at one in the morning - there has been no working ahead but rather only catching up on all that I let slip the last few weeks of the term with all the wonderful things that happened. I always say, "The more I do today the less I have to do tomorrow..." although it never seems to work out that way! My rule is I have to finish what I planned to do, or have to accomplish for that day - which leads to very late nights/very early mornings. I am extremely nervous for the upcoming semester, with exams just weeks away, but trusting in God.

Reading old fashion magazines while taking a steaming hot bath using all my birthday treats of delicious smelling salts and scrubs. 

AHHH!! - My beautiful engagement ring!!! (Yes, I still get these moments of awestruck disbelief).

Smiles - at being able to spend every day this week at home, seeing Ray between his classes, quick cups of coffee, sitting outside listening to the birds sing, prayers before bed, studying side by side.

Falling more deeply in love. 

Stolen moments of pure procrastination - something as simple as watching a movie with Ray (we never have the time!) while eating yummy gummies and chocolate, snuggled in blankets on the couch, pure bliss :) 

Day dreaming - while I should really be studying. (Hasn't been much of a "vacation").

Thankfulness and amazement at God's goodness - still overwhelmed at the love and support of family and friends, for their wishes and heartfelt messages, for God in sustaining us through these hectic times, carrying us through to the end... In Ray's kindness, generosity, faithfulness and sacrifice leaving me speechless day after day... He is amazing, always putting me first, in making plans for the future, preparing us for what comes after the wedding, making provision, being a godly and mature man, looking after us, making me feel safe and secure... I can only thank God for His grace and blessing in giving me Ray. 

Reading through my new children's Bible - loving it! (I would like to start collecting good children Bibles - one can never grow tired of reading the incredible and true stories of the Bible, learn solid doctrine, understand how each story points to the coming Saviour Jesus, how the world needs to be saved and how God has had a loving plan and promise from the very beginning!)

Perspective.

Well I'm off to enjoy my final days of mid-semester vacation, appreciating Ray and squeezing some sleep, between studying, in! Happy weekend :)

A secret fear

It is a beautiful day. The sun is glimmering on the deep blue ocean. After my first dance staging rehearsal I am gasping for breath! Staging today consisted of raw feet, slipping on the slick stage, coughing and blowing my nose in between takes, getting blinded by the lights, and performing my heart out... (There is something magical about performing!) I am pushing myself to get better by drinking lots of tea, eating fresh, farm bread with homemade berry jam from the local Noordhoek farm village and trying to snuggle in bed for as long as possible. Which, while would be wonderful, is not possible with all my looming tests and assignments.

Late at night, in its quietness, my thoughts often drift. I love working. And I work very hard. All the time, every spare moment, into sheer exhaustion, endless hour upon hour upon hour... 

I understand that there must be a balance, but when I have to do so much work and struggle to do what is necessary, I barely have time to sleep, let alone relax or enjoy friendships. I cannot understand how my friends do it all... It is hurtful having to say no all the time, to turn down invitations because I am so incredibly busy. It has come to the point where my friends no longer ask me to join them because they know I won't be able to come. That is painful. Heartbreaking. 

When I am away from R at varsity, I feel lonely. It is then that I doubt. But when I come home and see R waiting at the train station for me, the world is put back on its axis.  

We all have to make sacrifices for what is truly important. I know that I have different priorities to my friends, that all that I do is in preparation for the future, planning for the life I will share with R. We have both been working together for this. They don't have that sort of perspective or path to travel. Varsity for me isn't about having a good time, but about working to the best of my abilities for God's glory and to make our dreams possible. I am terrified though, that I am sacrificing my friends and missing out on incredible memories... My parents met each other at varsity and made their lifelong friends at UCT. For me it has been different. Varsity is just a passing experience, a time to learn and grow, but it is not forever. I love studying, and am making the most of my time there, but am working for a purpose, going in a certain direction. 

It is the being left out that is difficult. I even have to make compromises to spend real quality time with R... and he is a million times more important than anything else. Our future is not vague, we are making plans and God is opening the doors. I cannot work any less (is there really such a thing as over-achieving?) but I fear that one day in the future, when we have achieved these goals, we won't have any friends left to share it all with... But if all I ever had was R (and our God) it would be more than enough. So while I question,  I know that my feet are on solid ground. That is an everlasting comfort.  

Darling

Sunday evening. The weekend is coming to a close. These last few hours are always a mixture of too many things... the sad feelings of knowing that an early morning awaits, of rushing around to finish off your mounds of work and finally admitting defeat for the day and all the great plans that you had made. It is about making sure that you haven't forgotten anything important, but feeling like you have... of whispered conversations on the couch, attempting to hold onto this precious inbetween moment, wrapped in blankets and the warm glow of love, sipping hot chocolate and listening to the rain thunder in the winter darkness.  It is a time of wanting to go to bed early and drift off gently into blissful unconsciousness, yet wanting to stay up late as though tomorrow will never come...

A family tradition is to make pancakes on a Sunday evening after church. Right now I can hear my darling mixing the batter in the kitchen next door, accompanied by the sweet smell of cinnamon, while I finish off my studying. And somehow I feel like I may just make it through this next week...

Things you forget

One of the best things about being at university is the amazingly long vacations. What this means though, is that the first day back after six weeks of leisure, is always a bit of a shock! Here are some things I had "forgotten"...

1. That instant irritation felt when my alarm so rudely wakes me.
2. What it's like to walk down to the station in the dark - tripping over cracks in the pavement, stumbling on the curb, wishing for my warm pyjama's and feeling a bit of self-pity (laughs).
3. Seeing the sky slowly lighten as the sun begins its day in this part of the world.
4. What riding the train is like. 
5. How unfit I am - panting after racing a hundred other students to the shuttle stop, climbing a thousand stairs, the millions of steps I take as I trudge back and forth across campus.
6. How insane the Jammie drivers "drive" the shuttles - how I have to grip my ice cold seat. Also the (loud and slightly annoying) chatter of the first years (I'm sorry, I'm still waking up) and how they really do pack as many of us as possible in the bus (good times).
7. How much I have missed my friends (hence my favourite photo's from last year - I would never have believed that those I had just met could become such incredible friends and fellow "sufferers" as we struggled through together!)
8. How wonderful it is to have to really use my brain again! Learning new, difficult and exciting things each day really does expand my universe and render me speechless as I stand in awe of all that God has so beautifully made and sustains. 
9. Exhaustion. It never seems to matter how long my vacation was, because all it takes is just one day back to wipe it all away - it is like I never left.
10. How good (and vital!) coffee is - from a serious tea drinker!
11. It doesn't matter what I wear to varsity, I will always get it wrong - I'm either freezing or dying of heat stroke... sigh.
12. I love the library. Walking up and down the silent, dusty towers of books, feeling immediately calm and ready to work the hours away.
13. That sense of overwhelming terror and dread as I wrote down all my test dates, sorted through practicals and tutorials and essay assignments - just need to survive!
14. How much I missed the iconic Jameson Steps - the student meeting ground :) Was awesome seeing friends so delightedly hug each other - feels like home)
15. I will admit that I like wearing my nerdy, white lab coat. 
16. Noticing how most of the boys in my classes have (finally!) gotten haircuts - cute!
17. How relaxing the sway of the train can be after a long and tiring day. And how the breeze through the grungy train windows becomes crisper as I near the ocean and get closer to home (and more importantly him!) How the sound of the waves lull a stressed mind and how my spirit is revived. 
18. Hard work really is hard work! Struggling to stay focussed tonight.
19. You have no free time. (I really shouldn't be blogging).
20. All I want to do is sleep.
21. I have taken all this time spent with my best friend for granted. Today felt rather lonely being without him... when you spent every waking moment together, you feel lost when he isn't standing by your side, holding your hand, preciously close by... when I saw him waiting for me at the train station my heart leapt! Sharing our day's as we walked home, enjoying dinner together, treasuring the brief moments when we could just pray and read the Bible (I cried) - I missed him more than words can describe.
22. That I really need God - His strength alone will carry me through, His sovereignty will ease my worries, His purposes will guide me, His love will comfort me. 

With that I say goodnight (and get back to my books!)