The end is in sight

Days of exams, sipping hot chocolate, sitting in the quiet Botany library, watching the grey clouds clear over the mountain and rays of sunshine filter through the glass, walking underneath the budding green leaves of the overhanging branches along student avenue,  getting lost in my own thoughts, jamming to local artists, humming their songs as I wait for the shuttle, running into friends, offering quick words of encouragement, feeling so much love towards my incredible classmates who make me laugh and smile and suffer beside me as we strive towards our final few days, raging after Genetics tests, sitting in the front row for Biochemistry, eating birthday cupcakes, sprinkles everywhere, getting to know one another more deeply, getting invited out to lunch, for milkshakes, to go dancing, making me like I somehow belong, just a little bit... almost being blow over by the howling winds, getting caught in drenching rain as I trudge across campus, only to have it stop as soon as I am sheltered at the bus stop, running after trains and just making them, or just missing them, but always running for them nevertheless, standing in awe of an ocean in chaos, rumbling and rolling, towering waves crashing over the Kalk-Bay harbour wall, the fishing boats surging with the swells... having Ray pick me up at the station so that I don't have to walk home in the rain, chocolate in his hand, ready with a hug as I throw myself at him, cold and exhausted, getting into my warm pyjamas, cuddling on the couch, quality time, just talking, wonderfully dreaming, making plans for the future, and praying when it is all we can do, humbled by the infinite grace, generousity and goodness of God, His perfect provision, how He is in control of each and every situation, how He has so abundantly and undeservedly blessed us, all we can do is say thank-you and give our lives to Him for His glory... still getting distracted by my sparkling ring, how the light reflects inside the diamond, shining like my smile when I think on the one who gave it to me, how he has changed me, helped me to grow, been a million times more than I ever knew I wanted or thought I could ever have, shattering and putting to shame any feeble fantasy and weak expectation that I once believed to be impossibly high, being so much greater in every way, beyond grateful for the very person he is, all that he does, how deep his love is for me, his support, his strength, his wisdom, and knowing that I would not be standing here without him (I cannot explain it all, words simply fail me, but I having the honour of spending my life with my indescribably amazing best friend still seems surreal to my glowing heart, forever his)... disbelief at having finished lectures for my second year at university, celebrating with red velvet cupcakes, sneaking ice-cream late at night while studying, taking a lovely, long nap at the end of the week, being asked constantly about our wedding planning, having to pack away engagement gifts, being spoiled by kind friends, giving ideas around the family dinner table, excited for the holidays to begin, for family to come down and for everyone to get involved, for Ray's graduation, my best friend's wedding, and everything happening inbetween... at the moment life is stressful, but it is full of joy too, because the end is in sight and good times are ahead...

An unexpected adventure

This morning began like any other day. I came rushing down the stairs a little bit late, found Ray in the kitchen making me breakfast and left soon afterwards to walk down to the train station, a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice in my hand because I hadn't had enough time to drink it.

Ray and I watched the sun rise into the clear Spring sky over the rippling ocean. All was cool and calm... but it wouldn't stay that way! 

The six-thirty train pulled up to the platform and I got on as per usual. Several stations later, less than halfway of where I needed to be going, the train came to a halt. Still nothing unusual here in South Africa. I realise that I really do spend a lot of time complaining about the hours I spend riding the train, but the constant delays, cancellations, waiting, running after and missing trains, can become wearying. 

It is after a ten minute standstill that people were beginning to become annoyed, muttering and swearing. Every now and again the train would jerk forward, roll backwards, hop another inch along. From my window I watched passengers walking by, shouting, but having no idea what was happening. I was sitting with a group of UCT students, the familiar faces that I recognised from catching the train each day. We were trying to decide what we should do, as it didn't seem that we were going anywhere any anytime quickly! Out came the phones, texting and calling friends, attempting to put together a plan to mission it to varsity.

The real excitement only began after almost an hour of sitting... The connecting door between the first carriage and ours was thrown open and people started streaming in, screaming, "Get out, OUT!! There is smoke!!" And it smelled terrible, acrid, like burning tires and some sort of metal... Immediate panic set in as passengers stood and rushed forward, crushing through the narrow aisle. I fought to stay calm, I couldn't see any flames, but being trapped in a possibly dangerous area with no escape, as all the doors were firmly locked (and there was NO WAY I could fit through the window!) was scary.

That was it, time to go. We moved from carriage to carriage looking for a way out. Our only exit was jumping off from between the carriages. With the help of complete, but kind strangers, I passed my bag down to an unknown man waiting below, and climbed over the barrier, heart pounding, hands holding me steady when the train suddenly shook and my legs even more, warning me, "Don't touch the cables! Put your foot there... hold onto that railing..." and, with no platform below, JUMPED!! (The drop is a LOT higher than it looks!) I turned around and grabbed the next girl's bag, helping her down, until the group of us, some whose names I do not know, were safe. (But hey, we're students, and students do crazy things right?!)

As the last boy leapt, a man shouted, "CLEAR THE TRACKS!!" as the train stuck behind ours was about to start pushing the stuck train along. Apparently our train wasn't able to move because there was a great risk of setting the first carriage alight...!! In the past hour our train had moved less than a hundred metres, we could still see the platform of the station we had "left". 

We walked along the train tracks with scores of others, to the next train station, where one of the girl's brother gave a lift through to varsity. We squashed in, retold, complained and laughed about our unexpected adventure :) 

We arrived safely at UCT at nine, with one of my new friends saying, "Our train caught on fire and we only missed one lecture!!"  

I am not the most patient person, but I realised that becoming angry or upset about this incident is just pointless, a waste of enegry and emotion, as my frustration would not have changed anything. Instead I just sat back, took a deep breath, and decided to enjoy all the drama. I also kept thinking, "This is such a great story! I can't wait to tweet about this, to Facebook about it, to blog about it!" (Laughs) I will say, though, that I am very glad that my train did not burst into flames on the ride home :)

My birthday backstage :)

Living this past week... the lovely engagement, exams, my birthday and the dance show...!! (I feel like all my dreams have come true, and are coming true, and so much more!) I have had an AMAZING twenty-first birthday!! Thank-you for all the kind messages :)

I had the most fun eating cupcakes with crazy friends at varsity, talking about my wedding (AHHH!!! Still can't believe how fantastic they have been - their joy for us makes me want to cry!!), receiving LOTS of hugs, laughing till it hurts, getting drenched in the rain and riding the train home together... Then it was time for pizza with my fiance and snuggling up, with blankets and feather pillows, to watch a movie - the best way to spend a birthday :)

Next it was off to perform the opening night of Expressions!! My beautiful fellow Grace Dance Company dancers surprised me with balloons, a bouquet of stunning roses and chocolate (yay!!) just before the curtain was about to go up :)

 Nothing like being in the dressing rooms before a show - the anticipation, the nerves, the excitement, helping each other with our liquid eyeliner, false eyelashes and tying ribbons in our hair. We are sisters. It was such an honour to be on the same stage as them - the hours spent in rehearsal and months of hard work, struggling together, knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses, seeing growth, the passion we all share for dancing, how we have to depend on each other, the vulnerability,  the love we have...  

No feeling like waiting in the wings... waiting for the blinding lights, the curtain, the music... your heart flutters!! It is a rush, a feeling of thrill and fear flowing through you - but you smile and you let go, you dance like you never have before, you want to gasp for breath and collapse from exhaustion but you push past the burning in your muscles, turn faster, kick higher, jump effortlessly... for just this brief moment in time, while you are on stage and the spotlight is on you, you fully express who you are... And afterwards, when the adrenalin slowly seeps from your sore feet and aching bodies, you listen to your pounding heart quieten, it is surreal that it is all over, when your put your soul into each movement... you want to cry, but you are also simply incredibly HAPPY!! 

Tonight, the final performance of Expressions, was wonderful. My family (and fiance!) and dearest friends came to watch the show. It is on closing night, with those you adore the most, that you dance the hardest. I have loved every moment of Expressions - the silliness backstage, the pre-show meetings, the awesome music and lighting, our costumes, the makeup (and the nightmare of trying to remove it all), the friendships, our phenomenal teacher, choreographer and mentor, the quiet moments in the darkened wings, whispered prayers, photograph taking, laughter, tears, performing on stage and hearing the applause and shouts of the audience, the red lipstick and gelled hair, the Jazz, the Tap, the Contemporary, the singing, the video montage, being able to dance with my gorgeous little sister, the quick changes between numbers of stressed dancers, how my friends told me that they could see the diamond of my engagement ring sparkle, holding a scared little girls hand, having fun in the finale, bursting with happiness, pride and thankfulness in being part of a dance studio,  sharing a message, hugs and congratulations after the show, winking at the crowd, the insanity and excitement, the warming up on stage while the curtain is closed and dying for it all to begin...!! These are memories I will cherish forever *

Making it through the week...

Some days are just strange. I will suddenly look up and think, "How did I get here?" 

Well it has been a long week back at varsity. But earlier today, just sitting in the sunshine, I realized that I had actually made it through - God is good, it always works out in the end! 

Here are some happenings from my week (and hopefully they will make you groan and laugh like I did experiencing them!)

Yesterday morning the train was seriously delayed. I was beginning to panic, wondering how I was going to get to varsity on time. The thing about catching the train each morning is that there are the "regulars" - those who you nod hello to each day, those familiar faces, but people who you don't actually know. A boy turned to me and said, "You want a lift to UCT?" (R and I look at each other) "Sure, thanks!" I reply, secretly thinking, "Please don't kill me, please don't kill me!"As we were driving R texted me, "I need his name, surname, car, colour, licence plate number..." haha, but as you can obviously tell, I wasn't murdered (phew), made it on time to class (yay) and I also made a new friend :) 

This morning, unfortunately, didn't go much better - I overslept by forty minutes, dressed in a flash, ran out the doors and missed my "usual" train by seconds! "Just breathe, just breathe..." (Insert mini-breakdown) But once again, by a miracle, I stumbled through the lecture theatre doors just before it began. I spent today in a sort of a daze, somehow making it from class to class, feeling like I am forgetting something, longing to get home to R... My day also consisted of just missing more buses and more train delays (of course) but I could smile, knowing that in the greater view of life these "sufferings" of mine are really nothing at all to complain about - it is actually quite ridiculous how upset I get about this little things (I'm sorry - no more self pity!)

Let me tell you about this week's Human Physiology lecturer - he is actually a friend of mine and he works at the Sport Science Institute. His stories in class this week made us wonder how in the world he was still alive - from a cyst in his leg constricting his nerves causing paralysis, to a drop foot, to dead muscle taking a year to regenerate, to constantly tripping while running and dislocating his shoulder or ripping his intercostal muscles, to almost falling into a coma due to a research glucose/insulin experiment gone wrong, to his respiratory muscles stopping due to too many drugs administered during a surgery and dying on the table and being be resuscitated... can you believe it?! Next year when he teaches us again I can only imagine what life/death experiences he will share with us - he is absolutely brilliant :)  

I also want to say that in my lectures this week I have really seen God's genius design and breath-taking creativity in all of life, in the most complex details, in sustaining it all, how everything works so perfectly together... no one can explain it, no one can truly understand it! Wow... it is wonderful being constantly amazed and in awe of my Creator, His sheer power and control of the universe. I am reminded to give Him alone all the glory!

And here I am, at this very moment, watching the Olympics' incredible opening ceremony (eating sour jelly beans, cuddled under blankets on the couch, R trying not to fall asleep rather unsuccessfully and blogging away), feeling such pride for my family's countries - South Africa, the United States of America, Namibia, Germany and Belgium - we are behind you all the way, "Go teams go!" I love times like these when the world comes together... gives a glimpse of the unity and diversity (makes me think of Heaven...)

Well I am exhausted and still not sure how I survived these past few days (thank-you Lord!). R, thanks for being strong when I feel so weak. I know that I can stand because you are by my side. And with that I am off to dreamland, goodnight*

All you need is a cup of tea

Some days are just longer and harder than others. They begin wonderfully - a calm, cool morning, happy hello's, running into your friends, students smiling around campus (it had to be because of the sunshine!), laughing in Human Physiology at your professors stories, eating M&M's in Genetics and Biochemistry finishing early. But then everything seems to collapse around you at the same time - from a nightmare practical, to blinking back tired tears of frustration, feeling replaced and discarded, wanting nothing more than to just get home and not have to endure train delay after delay, trudging back in the dark with only a tower of work waiting that was meant to be done yesterday.

Just as I was ready to give up I glanced out of the window. It took my breath away. Pearly, pink skies reflecting on the tranquil ocean. It was beautiful. It reminded me of the bigger picture, of who is in control of it all, of who's purposes for me are perfect!

Yes, I cried when I got home (mostly in relief to finally have the day end) but it was cleansing, a release of exhaustion. And of course he held me and spoke such truth with love into all that I had been struggling with. His gentle care, his comforting wisdom, his understanding, his encouragement and support were just what I needed. He brought back perspective. He always reminds me of what is truly important and to keep my gaze on eternity.

A steaming bath, warm pyjama's, tea (of course), and chocolate after this long and hard day have also helped a smidgen :) 

Things you forget

One of the best things about being at university is the amazingly long vacations. What this means though, is that the first day back after six weeks of leisure, is always a bit of a shock! Here are some things I had "forgotten"...

1. That instant irritation felt when my alarm so rudely wakes me.
2. What it's like to walk down to the station in the dark - tripping over cracks in the pavement, stumbling on the curb, wishing for my warm pyjama's and feeling a bit of self-pity (laughs).
3. Seeing the sky slowly lighten as the sun begins its day in this part of the world.
4. What riding the train is like. 
5. How unfit I am - panting after racing a hundred other students to the shuttle stop, climbing a thousand stairs, the millions of steps I take as I trudge back and forth across campus.
6. How insane the Jammie drivers "drive" the shuttles - how I have to grip my ice cold seat. Also the (loud and slightly annoying) chatter of the first years (I'm sorry, I'm still waking up) and how they really do pack as many of us as possible in the bus (good times).
7. How much I have missed my friends (hence my favourite photo's from last year - I would never have believed that those I had just met could become such incredible friends and fellow "sufferers" as we struggled through together!)
8. How wonderful it is to have to really use my brain again! Learning new, difficult and exciting things each day really does expand my universe and render me speechless as I stand in awe of all that God has so beautifully made and sustains. 
9. Exhaustion. It never seems to matter how long my vacation was, because all it takes is just one day back to wipe it all away - it is like I never left.
10. How good (and vital!) coffee is - from a serious tea drinker!
11. It doesn't matter what I wear to varsity, I will always get it wrong - I'm either freezing or dying of heat stroke... sigh.
12. I love the library. Walking up and down the silent, dusty towers of books, feeling immediately calm and ready to work the hours away.
13. That sense of overwhelming terror and dread as I wrote down all my test dates, sorted through practicals and tutorials and essay assignments - just need to survive!
14. How much I missed the iconic Jameson Steps - the student meeting ground :) Was awesome seeing friends so delightedly hug each other - feels like home)
15. I will admit that I like wearing my nerdy, white lab coat. 
16. Noticing how most of the boys in my classes have (finally!) gotten haircuts - cute!
17. How relaxing the sway of the train can be after a long and tiring day. And how the breeze through the grungy train windows becomes crisper as I near the ocean and get closer to home (and more importantly him!) How the sound of the waves lull a stressed mind and how my spirit is revived. 
18. Hard work really is hard work! Struggling to stay focussed tonight.
19. You have no free time. (I really shouldn't be blogging).
20. All I want to do is sleep.
21. I have taken all this time spent with my best friend for granted. Today felt rather lonely being without him... when you spent every waking moment together, you feel lost when he isn't standing by your side, holding your hand, preciously close by... when I saw him waiting for me at the train station my heart leapt! Sharing our day's as we walked home, enjoying dinner together, treasuring the brief moments when we could just pray and read the Bible (I cried) - I missed him more than words can describe.
22. That I really need God - His strength alone will carry me through, His sovereignty will ease my worries, His purposes will guide me, His love will comfort me. 

With that I say goodnight (and get back to my books!)