Things I love about Raynard

(Just a few... or else you would be here forever!!)

1. His smile :)
2. The way he laughs.
3. How he sings in church, but doesn't pay attention and gets the lyrics wrong.
4. How he plays with the engagement ring on my finger.
5. His crushing hugs.
6. How he loves to read. And all the incredible authors he devours. Challenging and encouraging me. 
7. When he excitedly tells me of all that he is learning about in class and laughs when I get it all wrong. Or attempt to argue with him, just because. 
8. He makes the best chocolate chunk cookies. Actually he is a wonderful baker. (I am a little bit jealous!)
9. How he is "crunchy" reformed. But together we struggle through the questions and hot topics. We are growing!
10. He makes the ordinary, every day, magical.
11. His generosity, honesty and utter faithfulness.
12. He is truly selfless. 
13. The way he teases my sisters, bakes with them, talk to my mom, discusses theology with my dad, walks our dog, and how my family adores him. (Perfect!)
14. How he was the only one that would teach me to drive - and whenever I drive his car he tries so hard to not freak out and just prays like crazy. Still can't believe he gave me a set of my own keys for "our" car!
15. He spoils me with little treats all the time and lets me know that he is constantly thinking of me. He never stops saying "I love you" (and I never get tried of hearing it!)
16. He is open to adventures and is happy to try out new things with me.
17. He makes me breakfast and lunch every single day for varsity, before the sun has risen, and walks me to the train station - for almost two years now!!
18. He is still trying to teach me how to Sokkie.
19. He never complains. And reminds me to be thankful for all the rich blessings and provisions that God has given to us.
20. The way he holds me while we dance around the kitchen.
21. The way he is always calm and keeps my feet on level ground.
22. He loves the beach but hates the sand - like me.
23. He never seems to be afraid. Even when I am terrified. (He also kills spiders and creepy bugs for me without blinking an eye).
24. His perspective - helping me to refocus on what truly matters, what really lasts, what stretches into eternity and to live in that light.
25. His passion for the gospel and mission.
26. His love for apologetics.
27. He gives me the last piece of chocolate, scoop of ice-cream, sip of his hot chocolate. He shares when I am tempted to be greedy and keep it all for myself. 
28. Holding me accountable.
29. He does everything for God's glory.
30. He cooks, he cleans, he gardens, he does laundry, he is able to fix almost anything, it's every girl's dream!
31. The way he can fall asleep just like that. And almost every time we watch a movie.
32. Related: what his hair looks like when he wake up - it's adorable :)
33. His gentle care, knowing what I need when I don't even realize it, always making me feel better.
34. He makes the best toasted cheese sandwiches. And tea!
35. He is slow to get angry and quick to forgive.
36. His love is overwhelming, gracious, undeserved.
37. He loves food just as much as I do :D
38. He has turned me into a coffee addict.
39. How he is trying to convert me to love his favourite sports - cycling, cricket, rugby - but doesn't mind if I just don't get it, or would rather read a book.
40. His talent in taking the most spectacular, insightful photographs that tell a story
41. He put me first, thinks of my best interests constantly, always has a plan, provides for me, makes provision for the future, works so incredibly hard to make it all possible.
42. He makes me feel beautiful, especially when I feel anything but.
43. We dream together. Who could think of anything more amazing than being able to spend the rest of your life with your best friend?!
44. He makes me feel safe.
45. His prayers.
46. Whenever I get angry he just smiles and starts laughing, making me more angry, until I realise how ridiculous I am being and start laughing too :)
47. His sense of humour.
48. His perseverance. He never gives up on me. 
49. His support and strength. 
50. I never realised it would be like this - fully vulnerable before someone, yet fully trusted and accepted by them, loved unconditionally by them, despite your faults. It is wondrous! He has showed me what real love is. Like the love God has shown us in His Son Jesus. 

Happy Anniversary Raynard! Here is to forever.

Things you forget

One of the best things about being at university is the amazingly long vacations. What this means though, is that the first day back after six weeks of leisure, is always a bit of a shock! Here are some things I had "forgotten"...

1. That instant irritation felt when my alarm so rudely wakes me.
2. What it's like to walk down to the station in the dark - tripping over cracks in the pavement, stumbling on the curb, wishing for my warm pyjama's and feeling a bit of self-pity (laughs).
3. Seeing the sky slowly lighten as the sun begins its day in this part of the world.
4. What riding the train is like. 
5. How unfit I am - panting after racing a hundred other students to the shuttle stop, climbing a thousand stairs, the millions of steps I take as I trudge back and forth across campus.
6. How insane the Jammie drivers "drive" the shuttles - how I have to grip my ice cold seat. Also the (loud and slightly annoying) chatter of the first years (I'm sorry, I'm still waking up) and how they really do pack as many of us as possible in the bus (good times).
7. How much I have missed my friends (hence my favourite photo's from last year - I would never have believed that those I had just met could become such incredible friends and fellow "sufferers" as we struggled through together!)
8. How wonderful it is to have to really use my brain again! Learning new, difficult and exciting things each day really does expand my universe and render me speechless as I stand in awe of all that God has so beautifully made and sustains. 
9. Exhaustion. It never seems to matter how long my vacation was, because all it takes is just one day back to wipe it all away - it is like I never left.
10. How good (and vital!) coffee is - from a serious tea drinker!
11. It doesn't matter what I wear to varsity, I will always get it wrong - I'm either freezing or dying of heat stroke... sigh.
12. I love the library. Walking up and down the silent, dusty towers of books, feeling immediately calm and ready to work the hours away.
13. That sense of overwhelming terror and dread as I wrote down all my test dates, sorted through practicals and tutorials and essay assignments - just need to survive!
14. How much I missed the iconic Jameson Steps - the student meeting ground :) Was awesome seeing friends so delightedly hug each other - feels like home)
15. I will admit that I like wearing my nerdy, white lab coat. 
16. Noticing how most of the boys in my classes have (finally!) gotten haircuts - cute!
17. How relaxing the sway of the train can be after a long and tiring day. And how the breeze through the grungy train windows becomes crisper as I near the ocean and get closer to home (and more importantly him!) How the sound of the waves lull a stressed mind and how my spirit is revived. 
18. Hard work really is hard work! Struggling to stay focussed tonight.
19. You have no free time. (I really shouldn't be blogging).
20. All I want to do is sleep.
21. I have taken all this time spent with my best friend for granted. Today felt rather lonely being without him... when you spent every waking moment together, you feel lost when he isn't standing by your side, holding your hand, preciously close by... when I saw him waiting for me at the train station my heart leapt! Sharing our day's as we walked home, enjoying dinner together, treasuring the brief moments when we could just pray and read the Bible (I cried) - I missed him more than words can describe.
22. That I really need God - His strength alone will carry me through, His sovereignty will ease my worries, His purposes will guide me, His love will comfort me. 

With that I say goodnight (and get back to my books!)

My winter holiday list :)

Here is my wonderful winter holiday "what to do" list:

1. Sleep late. Cuddle with your best friend. Surround yourself with soft, fluffy feather pillows, snuggle deeper into your warm blankets.
2. Lose yourself in a stack of library books. I have mine in a pile next to my bed just waiting to be read - I adore historical romances, the terror of murder mysteries and thrillers, fantasy - but never have time during varsity. You may be at home for the holidays but through books your imagination can travel to worlds undiscovered.
3. Wear slippers.
4. Every time the sun shines go sit outside, listen to the wind rustle the leaves, close your eyes and feel the gentle warmth on your face, enjoy the garden while you sip some tea.
5. Clasp your hands around a cup of soup.  
6. Watching movies and series on the couch, in pjs, laughing, eating gummy bears and sour jelly beans, drinking foamy hot chocolate, wearing your favourite socks. 
7. Make dinner for your family - try something new, light the candles, pick flowers from the garden, make an ordinary night special.
8. Meet with your friends - at a local farmer's market, for coffee at a cafe down the road, spending the afternoon catching up, share your life with those you love. 
9. Bundle up and go walk the dog down to the beach, around the vlei, squishing through the mud, splashing in puddles. It feels wonderful to be outdoors when so much time is spent indoors - the crisp winter wind flushing my cheeks, a hint of distant snow in the icy air, feeling alive.
10. Listen to the rain pitter patter on your windowpane and be thankful for all that you have.
11. Eat ice-cream and pretend it is Summer.
12. Gather around a fireplace and dance in the shadow of its flickering flames.
13. Go on an adventure - spend a few days roadtripping, setting out in the morning and just driving, stopping wherever your heart desires, visiting family, just enjoying the silence, the cold, the beauty of the passing countryside. 
14. Do nothing - you don't get many chances to!

Keep warm!

The extraordinary ordinary

I do not know where to begin. It has been so long, and honestly, I have been avoiding this. My midmorning resolve turned into busy afternoon determination, which mellowed into early evening and finally became this late night "I just have to do it" moment. I find that the longer one waits the greater the desire grows but the more difficult it becomes to just begin. Yet the time has come to write once again, to put those fragile, fluttering thoughts, those fading, twinkling memories, my contented summer happenings down, to not forget my last few weeks of vacation. 

(Yes, a list is not appropriately needed! As my mind so wanders...)

1. Feeling my mom's homemade berry sorbet tingle and melt on our tongues, the most luscious shade of ripe reds and plum purple :)
2. Sand - getting everywhere!
3. Feeling the sweat trickle down my back as we walk our puppy around the lake and along the beach. Watching you splash with her in the water, feeling the breeze billowing off the sparkling ocean, ipod pounding in my ears, simply happy. 
4. Devouring book after book - lying in the thick heat on the beach, in the cool of the couch, snuggled up to lazy to move in my bed.
5. My favourite chocolates from you - just because.
6. Discovering "our" beach - going there day after glorious summer day, hearing the excited chatter of the tourists buzzing around us, diving under those brilliantly cold waves, smiling at the locals, feeling content with it all.
7. Mango ice tea quenching my thirst.
8. Family brunches in Kalk-Bay - the croissants making my mouth water! So much laughter, so much love! 
9. Memories captured in photographer by my most amazing person*
10. Champagne bubbles.
11. Getting "the usual" Marcel's frozen yoghurt.
12. Browsing through the vintage boutiques and antique furniture stores, the quirky art galleries and quaint craft stores - possible coveting occurring...
13. Soft kisses- gentle and sweet.
14. Realizations of blessings and thankfulness (overwhelmed!)
15. Sanctification. 
16. Whispering about the future - I am safe and secure in your arms, guarded in your heart, you always consider me first, I am humbled, in awe, overjoyed, forever grateful and will always love you, I promise.
17. Buying beautiful gifts for lovely friends.
18. What would vacation be without series?
19. Having dance class on the beach, jumping in the waves, kicking the water, under sunset pink skies and a heavy, full moon.
20. Driving, windows open, singing along to the music, love being at your side.
21. Making movies - for God's glory!
22. Youth :)
23. Making coffee for my person and rubbing his back while he works so hard. 
24. Frustration, mixed in with a little bit of anger and a whole lot of hurt and resulting loneliness - being left alone, in complete and utter silence is difficult to endure. 
25. Grapes and watermelon and picnics on the beach with your friends. 
26. Not understanding certain people about certain things in certain, very important matters (Can you hear me? Are you listening?) It is so simple (fullstop). 
27. Baking the most decadent brownies, munching my mom's muffins and icing cupcakes with my beautiful, little sister.
28. Quiet moments, prayer and encouragement (what would I do without you?)
29. Change.
30. And everything staying the same :) 
31. Being beyond busy - walking, standing, sitting, waiting in lines for hours to register, bringing out the textbooks, long train rides, organizing my life, feeling the laziness of the holidays drift away and despondency settle in - varsity is around the corner and mind-numbingly difficult work, countless challenges, endless hours, fear at not understanding or being left behind, of just trying to survive... I know what this year entails, I know how hard it will be, I know... and that is what brings a slight melancholy. 
32. Hope and dreams.
33. Bible Signs - every story whisper's His name... 
34. How every ordinary day with you is actually extraordinary! (It is the little things*) 

But looking behind, and seeing what God has so graciously and faithfully accomplished, and how you have carried me through, I know that I have you both with me, by my side, there for me... And so I can look forward, trusting and smiling :) 

(Thank-you will never be enough).

A list of happiness

What made my day incredible:

1. Homemade mango, rooibos ice tea :)
2. Swimming in the coldest, clearest, green waters.
3. Building sandcastles. 
4. Being my person's photographer's assistant on a beach family photo shoot.
5. Carrying umbrellas, beachballs and colourful towels.
6. Jumping, dancing, roaring like a tiger to make two adorable little children giggle and smile.
7. Sand everywhere!
8. Ice-cold Coke Cola and munching on spicy Doritos.
9. Floating over gigantic waves.
10. Feeling the scorching, summer sunshine on my back.
11. Relaxing, holding hands, breath-taking hugs, countless kisses with you*
12. Sitting on my person's lap while going through the hundred of pictures.
13. Napping on the couch together, doors wide open to tempt in a cool breeze.
14. Washing the car and being silly.
15. Making coffee milkshakes and eating waffles.
16. Spending every single second of every single day with you is just pure happiness - I love you!

Christmas memories*

T'was the night before Christmas... 
(My memories of today - as a list!) 

1. Whistling Christmas carols and dancing around the kitchen.
2. Doors thrown wide open, summer sunshine streaming in, a cool breeze blowing.
3. Helping my mom cook the most elaborate and scrumptious Christmas feast - heaps upon heaps of delectable goodness - learning how to cook the meals that I will one day be making for my family :)
4. Putting our feet up, sneaking in some chocolate, while our mouths water over Nigella and Jamie on the tellie. 
5. Fingers stained with berry juice, licking sticky, sugary caramel, creamy custard and mounds of whipped cream (making a summer trifle!) 
6. Attempting to stuff more "stuff" in already packed fridges... 
7. Wishing friends "A very Merry Christmas!" - spreading the cheer! 
8. A thousand twinkling fairy lights and a million candles scattered across the room*
9. Red and gold, deep purple and silver. 
10. Busyness, busyness, busyness!!! Running around here and there and everything - doing so much, yet at the same time doing nothing in particular at all.
11. Thinking how strange it has been to spend half of my Christmases throwing snowballs, cuddling by a roaring fire, trying to dry out wet mittens, baking chocolate chip cookies and shopping up a spree of magical presents, while the other half have been spent lazy and warm, swimming at the beach, watching the sunset late at night, drinking champagne and ice tea. 
12. Hearing my mother shout into the phone, wishing all our German family a  "Frohe Weihnachten" - loving my family heritage and traditions.
13. My father reading the birth narrative. 
14. Food! Turkey, glazed gamon, roasted lamb, Mediterranean couscous salad, potato, green and pasta salads, fresh bakery breads with soft cheeses, nutty, herby stuffing, cranberries and apple sauce, chocolate fudge sauce drizzled over New York cheesecake, sweet and tart berry trifle, sweet, sparkling drinks.....  
15. Ripping open beautiful wrapped gifts - excitement! 
16. Surrounded with the most incredible family and friends <3
17. Late night phonecalls with my person (liefde!) 
18. Thinking that all the hard work, all the hours, all the effort was beyond worthwhile :)
19. Falling exhausted into bed, a smile on my face, my heart stirred with memories, my dreams full of hope and happiness, thinking about tomorrow.... Christmas day!

Thinking of you*

Time. It goes too quickly. It goes too slowly. Too little. Too much.

During these long summer days one would wish for them to stretch out before oneself with no end in its glorious sight, filled with happiness, contentment, warmth and joy...

Yet for me, I wish for the days to pass with haste, longing to see him, reunited with my best friend, my love. Every thing he writes to me stirs up a painful wanting, an aching heart, a wishing to be by his side, to hold his hand, to simply be there with him...

I have been keeping myself busy by:

1. Trying not to think about him - I fail every second of every single day (he is part of me).
2. Watching Pride and Prejudice (for possibly the hundredth time - never too many!) - may just be my favourite love story of all time* (which makes me think of him).
3. Mindless television - movies, series, reality shows... (trying not to think about him) while relaxing on the couch.
4. Lounging by the poolside, on a chaise, shading my eyes as I read a good book (romance, crime, murder mysteries, legal thrillers, anything - trying not to think of him!) or dangling my feet into the cool water, enjoying the calming waterfall flow.
5. Curling up with a soft, warm blanket as it rains so gently outside, the puppies at my feet vying for affection, letting music wash over me, pure laziness (and thinking - if only he were here...)
6. Attempting to cook and indulging in luxurious baking (thinking of how he loves to bake with me, teach me how to cook the most scrumptious, comfort foods, then grab me around the waist and waltz across the floor, twirling me round and round, dizzy with delight!)
7. Spending time with my family, laughing and laughing (but thinking that someone is missing...)

Please come home soon... for I am thinking of you always*

Magic*

Excitement* 

After almost three years our Christmas tree has finally gone up! And, once again, here is what made my day magical:

1. The smell of pine needles.
2. A large red ribbon tied around our tree.
3. Warm, freshly baked chewy, chocolate chuck cookies, popcorn and mugs of tea and coffee :)
4. A thousand twinkling lights - but first trying to untangle them... 
5. Golden bells tinkling.
6. Ornaments from our around-the-world travels (every glance is rich with precious memories, special moments in every touch)*
7. Heritage and family traditions: the candles, Austrian angels, American wreaths, German nutcrackers, nativity scene, shining stars, wooden rocking horses, African beads, spicy cinnamon sticks...
8. Singing along to Christmas carols (and maybe, just maybe, dancing around the room with reckless abandon!) 
9. The "children's" Christmas stockings hung up along the fireplace. 
10. Stretching to place the angel at the very top of the tree - terrified that you are going to know the whole this over!
11. Family :)
12. Most importantly: the birth of the world's Saviour! The Messiah, sovereign, ruling King, the Lord of Grace, Love incarnate... born as a babe, born to die... so that we can have everlasting life! Hallelujah! 

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." 

{Isaiah 9:6}

my summer adventure

[I really seem to be enjoying making these lists... so here is another!] Yesterday's summer sunshine adventure took us to the Old Biscuit Mill Market close to town, then the beautiful beach and finally the Italian Ice Cafe here in Kalk-Bay...

1.              Sunscreen. Sunscreen. And then a little more sunscreen. (It is the official smell of summer).
2.              Sandals, painted toenails, flowy, floral dresses and long, wavy hair swept up into swishing ponytails are all a part of summer beauty*
3.              Roll down the windows and put the volume up.
4.              Holding hands is still just simply amazing.
5.              You need a camera (fullstop).
6.              In times of sensory ecstasy, just stop, stand still and take it all in: the freshly picked flowers, flickering candles, brilliant colours, the mouth watering smells, the delicacies of cakes, cheeses, jams, olives, pizzas, pestos, bagels, wines... and let the feast begin!
7.              People watching is fascinating.
8.              Move out of your comfort zone – try something new.
9.              Do not forget to bring your wallet, and it helps if you set a limit on your spending... or else you will be walking home :)
10.          Finding a place to sit in throngs of excited people can be, let’s just say, difficult.
11.          In the intense summer heat nothing refreshes like a smoothie: berry, lemon n mint, orange n mango...
12.          “I want it ALL!”
13.          Humungous, fluffy beach towels are awesome.
14.          iPod, waterbottle, lipbalm, flip flops, sunnies and a good book make for a great beach day :)
15.          Beach sand gets everywhere.
16.          One cannot describe the feeling of running and diving into the ocean waves – pure pleasure.
17.          Do not fall asleep in the sunshine.
18.          Every day can be a Coldplay day.
19.          Do not expect to get a perfect tan in one day – you have the whole vacation to get it just right.
20.          Ice-cream and sorbet must be part of a summer day (big smile).
21.          Browsing through vintage stores can make you covet like never before ;)
22.          A cool shower on a hot day is glorious.
23.          Sitting outside with the family, watching the sunset, eating little deli sandwiches from the market, is wonderful.
24.          After a busy day you sleep deeply and dreamlessly.  

A second list.

After surviving my first week of "vacation" - one of the busiest and most stressful of the year - I have another list of 'lesson's learnt' from graduation last night:

1. Smile sincerely for the camera - you will be looking at those photos for a lifetime and beyond. 
2. Happiness and excitement are contagious.
3. Relax and enjoy yourself - this is your night!
4. Nothing makes a girl feel more glamourous (and confident) than a spritz of her favourite perfume*
5. Yes, wearing a sweeping, black graduation gown does make you feel like batman. It is part of the awesome experience.
6. Your family and friends will clap and scream (much to your embarrassment) - so blush and keep walking with your head held high (you deserve the praise!)
7. Keeping a bottle of iced tea in your bag is sure to save a hot, dehydrate life.
8. Help out wherever you can.
9. When receiving your degree shake hands firmly.
10. Practise walking in your heels before the evening - tripping up the stairs is not an option.
11. Your outfit is not complete unless your nails have been painted a brilliant colour.
12. Say congratulations - and mean it! 
13. If a moment of complete chaos, take a deep breath, stay calm and collected - the situation can be controlled.
14. Eat plenty of cake and drink lots of tea.
15. Even washing up hundreds of teacups with friends can be fun.
16. A vintage dress is simply just more amazing than something brand new. 
17. Hugs all around :)
18. CELEBRATE!
19. Don't forget to say all your goodbyes and thank-you's.
20. No better feeling than falling exhausted into bed after a wonderful day!

How to be a lady

Lessons learnt from last night's Christmas social - and other things too:

1.  The more mascara the better. Nothing more beautiful than long, curly eyelashes.
2. Black satin gloves and lace, lace, lace are timeless.
3. Walk as if you own the world.
4. Posture is everything. 
5. Smile as if you know all the secrets.
6. Do not just be pretty but polite too. Listen.
7. Give honest, heartfelt compliments - they can make someone's evening.
8. Laugh. A lot.
9. Always keep your shimmering lip gloss nearby. 
10. Glowing candles and twinkling lights create a stunning, romantic atmosphere* 
11. Have the right mood music - this can make or break an evening.
12. Decorate with passion and be creative.
13. Everybody loves Christmas trees. And chocolate mousse too :)
14. Take plenty of photographs - and have fun doing it!
15. Think: elegance. Think: grace.
16. Share a special moment with your person - a thank-you, a slow dance, a kiss, a wonderful goodnight*