My birthday backstage :)

Living this past week... the lovely engagement, exams, my birthday and the dance show...!! (I feel like all my dreams have come true, and are coming true, and so much more!) I have had an AMAZING twenty-first birthday!! Thank-you for all the kind messages :)

I had the most fun eating cupcakes with crazy friends at varsity, talking about my wedding (AHHH!!! Still can't believe how fantastic they have been - their joy for us makes me want to cry!!), receiving LOTS of hugs, laughing till it hurts, getting drenched in the rain and riding the train home together... Then it was time for pizza with my fiance and snuggling up, with blankets and feather pillows, to watch a movie - the best way to spend a birthday :)

Next it was off to perform the opening night of Expressions!! My beautiful fellow Grace Dance Company dancers surprised me with balloons, a bouquet of stunning roses and chocolate (yay!!) just before the curtain was about to go up :)

 Nothing like being in the dressing rooms before a show - the anticipation, the nerves, the excitement, helping each other with our liquid eyeliner, false eyelashes and tying ribbons in our hair. We are sisters. It was such an honour to be on the same stage as them - the hours spent in rehearsal and months of hard work, struggling together, knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses, seeing growth, the passion we all share for dancing, how we have to depend on each other, the vulnerability,  the love we have...  

No feeling like waiting in the wings... waiting for the blinding lights, the curtain, the music... your heart flutters!! It is a rush, a feeling of thrill and fear flowing through you - but you smile and you let go, you dance like you never have before, you want to gasp for breath and collapse from exhaustion but you push past the burning in your muscles, turn faster, kick higher, jump effortlessly... for just this brief moment in time, while you are on stage and the spotlight is on you, you fully express who you are... And afterwards, when the adrenalin slowly seeps from your sore feet and aching bodies, you listen to your pounding heart quieten, it is surreal that it is all over, when your put your soul into each movement... you want to cry, but you are also simply incredibly HAPPY!! 

Tonight, the final performance of Expressions, was wonderful. My family (and fiance!) and dearest friends came to watch the show. It is on closing night, with those you adore the most, that you dance the hardest. I have loved every moment of Expressions - the silliness backstage, the pre-show meetings, the awesome music and lighting, our costumes, the makeup (and the nightmare of trying to remove it all), the friendships, our phenomenal teacher, choreographer and mentor, the quiet moments in the darkened wings, whispered prayers, photograph taking, laughter, tears, performing on stage and hearing the applause and shouts of the audience, the red lipstick and gelled hair, the Jazz, the Tap, the Contemporary, the singing, the video montage, being able to dance with my gorgeous little sister, the quick changes between numbers of stressed dancers, how my friends told me that they could see the diamond of my engagement ring sparkle, holding a scared little girls hand, having fun in the finale, bursting with happiness, pride and thankfulness in being part of a dance studio,  sharing a message, hugs and congratulations after the show, winking at the crowd, the insanity and excitement, the warming up on stage while the curtain is closed and dying for it all to begin...!! These are memories I will cherish forever *

Making it through the week...

Some days are just strange. I will suddenly look up and think, "How did I get here?" 

Well it has been a long week back at varsity. But earlier today, just sitting in the sunshine, I realized that I had actually made it through - God is good, it always works out in the end! 

Here are some happenings from my week (and hopefully they will make you groan and laugh like I did experiencing them!)

Yesterday morning the train was seriously delayed. I was beginning to panic, wondering how I was going to get to varsity on time. The thing about catching the train each morning is that there are the "regulars" - those who you nod hello to each day, those familiar faces, but people who you don't actually know. A boy turned to me and said, "You want a lift to UCT?" (R and I look at each other) "Sure, thanks!" I reply, secretly thinking, "Please don't kill me, please don't kill me!"As we were driving R texted me, "I need his name, surname, car, colour, licence plate number..." haha, but as you can obviously tell, I wasn't murdered (phew), made it on time to class (yay) and I also made a new friend :) 

This morning, unfortunately, didn't go much better - I overslept by forty minutes, dressed in a flash, ran out the doors and missed my "usual" train by seconds! "Just breathe, just breathe..." (Insert mini-breakdown) But once again, by a miracle, I stumbled through the lecture theatre doors just before it began. I spent today in a sort of a daze, somehow making it from class to class, feeling like I am forgetting something, longing to get home to R... My day also consisted of just missing more buses and more train delays (of course) but I could smile, knowing that in the greater view of life these "sufferings" of mine are really nothing at all to complain about - it is actually quite ridiculous how upset I get about this little things (I'm sorry - no more self pity!)

Let me tell you about this week's Human Physiology lecturer - he is actually a friend of mine and he works at the Sport Science Institute. His stories in class this week made us wonder how in the world he was still alive - from a cyst in his leg constricting his nerves causing paralysis, to a drop foot, to dead muscle taking a year to regenerate, to constantly tripping while running and dislocating his shoulder or ripping his intercostal muscles, to almost falling into a coma due to a research glucose/insulin experiment gone wrong, to his respiratory muscles stopping due to too many drugs administered during a surgery and dying on the table and being be resuscitated... can you believe it?! Next year when he teaches us again I can only imagine what life/death experiences he will share with us - he is absolutely brilliant :)  

I also want to say that in my lectures this week I have really seen God's genius design and breath-taking creativity in all of life, in the most complex details, in sustaining it all, how everything works so perfectly together... no one can explain it, no one can truly understand it! Wow... it is wonderful being constantly amazed and in awe of my Creator, His sheer power and control of the universe. I am reminded to give Him alone all the glory!

And here I am, at this very moment, watching the Olympics' incredible opening ceremony (eating sour jelly beans, cuddled under blankets on the couch, R trying not to fall asleep rather unsuccessfully and blogging away), feeling such pride for my family's countries - South Africa, the United States of America, Namibia, Germany and Belgium - we are behind you all the way, "Go teams go!" I love times like these when the world comes together... gives a glimpse of the unity and diversity (makes me think of Heaven...)

Well I am exhausted and still not sure how I survived these past few days (thank-you Lord!). R, thanks for being strong when I feel so weak. I know that I can stand because you are by my side. And with that I am off to dreamland, goodnight*

True rest.

" The heart of man is restless until it finds its rest in Thee."

{Saint Augustine} 

Sometimes I find myself living in a world of wishful thinking. I am consumed with "What if..." or "If only..." or "When that finally happens..."

It is an existence of longing, of waiting, of searching, of daydreaming, of discontentment (if I am being brutally honest). The reason for this is because I have taken God's place in my life, I am the centre of my universe, motivated by pride and man's praise, of finding pleasure in fleeting material possessions, or empty idolatry. I want to please myself instead of being fully satisfied in the cross of Christ or finding my true fulfilment in God's will for my life.

My story is not actually my story but God's - He wrote it, He is the lead character, I am humbled at the privilege of just being able to step onto the same stage...

Our purpose is life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. I am humbled again and again to ask for God's gracious forgiveness, to turn from self toward God, to prioritize the Kingdom, to be saturated in my living, my breathing, my thinking with the Gospel as a child of God, to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus being freed by the innocent blood He shed for me, to live in the light of eternity! 

Lord, may I find my rest alone in You.