The end is in sight

Days of exams, sipping hot chocolate, sitting in the quiet Botany library, watching the grey clouds clear over the mountain and rays of sunshine filter through the glass, walking underneath the budding green leaves of the overhanging branches along student avenue,  getting lost in my own thoughts, jamming to local artists, humming their songs as I wait for the shuttle, running into friends, offering quick words of encouragement, feeling so much love towards my incredible classmates who make me laugh and smile and suffer beside me as we strive towards our final few days, raging after Genetics tests, sitting in the front row for Biochemistry, eating birthday cupcakes, sprinkles everywhere, getting to know one another more deeply, getting invited out to lunch, for milkshakes, to go dancing, making me like I somehow belong, just a little bit... almost being blow over by the howling winds, getting caught in drenching rain as I trudge across campus, only to have it stop as soon as I am sheltered at the bus stop, running after trains and just making them, or just missing them, but always running for them nevertheless, standing in awe of an ocean in chaos, rumbling and rolling, towering waves crashing over the Kalk-Bay harbour wall, the fishing boats surging with the swells... having Ray pick me up at the station so that I don't have to walk home in the rain, chocolate in his hand, ready with a hug as I throw myself at him, cold and exhausted, getting into my warm pyjamas, cuddling on the couch, quality time, just talking, wonderfully dreaming, making plans for the future, and praying when it is all we can do, humbled by the infinite grace, generousity and goodness of God, His perfect provision, how He is in control of each and every situation, how He has so abundantly and undeservedly blessed us, all we can do is say thank-you and give our lives to Him for His glory... still getting distracted by my sparkling ring, how the light reflects inside the diamond, shining like my smile when I think on the one who gave it to me, how he has changed me, helped me to grow, been a million times more than I ever knew I wanted or thought I could ever have, shattering and putting to shame any feeble fantasy and weak expectation that I once believed to be impossibly high, being so much greater in every way, beyond grateful for the very person he is, all that he does, how deep his love is for me, his support, his strength, his wisdom, and knowing that I would not be standing here without him (I cannot explain it all, words simply fail me, but I having the honour of spending my life with my indescribably amazing best friend still seems surreal to my glowing heart, forever his)... disbelief at having finished lectures for my second year at university, celebrating with red velvet cupcakes, sneaking ice-cream late at night while studying, taking a lovely, long nap at the end of the week, being asked constantly about our wedding planning, having to pack away engagement gifts, being spoiled by kind friends, giving ideas around the family dinner table, excited for the holidays to begin, for family to come down and for everyone to get involved, for Ray's graduation, my best friend's wedding, and everything happening inbetween... at the moment life is stressful, but it is full of joy too, because the end is in sight and good times are ahead...

Things I love about Raynard

(Just a few... or else you would be here forever!!)

1. His smile :)
2. The way he laughs.
3. How he sings in church, but doesn't pay attention and gets the lyrics wrong.
4. How he plays with the engagement ring on my finger.
5. His crushing hugs.
6. How he loves to read. And all the incredible authors he devours. Challenging and encouraging me. 
7. When he excitedly tells me of all that he is learning about in class and laughs when I get it all wrong. Or attempt to argue with him, just because. 
8. He makes the best chocolate chunk cookies. Actually he is a wonderful baker. (I am a little bit jealous!)
9. How he is "crunchy" reformed. But together we struggle through the questions and hot topics. We are growing!
10. He makes the ordinary, every day, magical.
11. His generosity, honesty and utter faithfulness.
12. He is truly selfless. 
13. The way he teases my sisters, bakes with them, talk to my mom, discusses theology with my dad, walks our dog, and how my family adores him. (Perfect!)
14. How he was the only one that would teach me to drive - and whenever I drive his car he tries so hard to not freak out and just prays like crazy. Still can't believe he gave me a set of my own keys for "our" car!
15. He spoils me with little treats all the time and lets me know that he is constantly thinking of me. He never stops saying "I love you" (and I never get tried of hearing it!)
16. He is open to adventures and is happy to try out new things with me.
17. He makes me breakfast and lunch every single day for varsity, before the sun has risen, and walks me to the train station - for almost two years now!!
18. He is still trying to teach me how to Sokkie.
19. He never complains. And reminds me to be thankful for all the rich blessings and provisions that God has given to us.
20. The way he holds me while we dance around the kitchen.
21. The way he is always calm and keeps my feet on level ground.
22. He loves the beach but hates the sand - like me.
23. He never seems to be afraid. Even when I am terrified. (He also kills spiders and creepy bugs for me without blinking an eye).
24. His perspective - helping me to refocus on what truly matters, what really lasts, what stretches into eternity and to live in that light.
25. His passion for the gospel and mission.
26. His love for apologetics.
27. He gives me the last piece of chocolate, scoop of ice-cream, sip of his hot chocolate. He shares when I am tempted to be greedy and keep it all for myself. 
28. Holding me accountable.
29. He does everything for God's glory.
30. He cooks, he cleans, he gardens, he does laundry, he is able to fix almost anything, it's every girl's dream!
31. The way he can fall asleep just like that. And almost every time we watch a movie.
32. Related: what his hair looks like when he wake up - it's adorable :)
33. His gentle care, knowing what I need when I don't even realize it, always making me feel better.
34. He makes the best toasted cheese sandwiches. And tea!
35. He is slow to get angry and quick to forgive.
36. His love is overwhelming, gracious, undeserved.
37. He loves food just as much as I do :D
38. He has turned me into a coffee addict.
39. How he is trying to convert me to love his favourite sports - cycling, cricket, rugby - but doesn't mind if I just don't get it, or would rather read a book.
40. His talent in taking the most spectacular, insightful photographs that tell a story
41. He put me first, thinks of my best interests constantly, always has a plan, provides for me, makes provision for the future, works so incredibly hard to make it all possible.
42. He makes me feel beautiful, especially when I feel anything but.
43. We dream together. Who could think of anything more amazing than being able to spend the rest of your life with your best friend?!
44. He makes me feel safe.
45. His prayers.
46. Whenever I get angry he just smiles and starts laughing, making me more angry, until I realise how ridiculous I am being and start laughing too :)
47. His sense of humour.
48. His perseverance. He never gives up on me. 
49. His support and strength. 
50. I never realised it would be like this - fully vulnerable before someone, yet fully trusted and accepted by them, loved unconditionally by them, despite your faults. It is wondrous! He has showed me what real love is. Like the love God has shown us in His Son Jesus. 

Happy Anniversary Raynard! Here is to forever.

Thoughts on creation versus evolution

"God is; if He were not, nothing could be."

{Sibbes}

I have found myself becoming very frustrated this week in my Human Physiology lectures. I have had the privilege of having one of the greatest scientists in South Africa, and a worldwide leader in sports science, teach me. 

Here is a quote from his first lecture: "We somehow evolved... We have no idea how... We can't understand it... We somehow learned... We don't know..." (Sigh, how disappointing to hear an "expert" speak like that...) I would prefer science and not unsubstantiated human speculation please. He will often say, "It is so incredibly designed!" but won't give credit to a Designer. He will make ridiculous, completely unscientific statements... if you say we "somehow evolved to get an intelligent brain" without being able to give the slightest explanation as to how, then he has no basis in saying what he says at all! 

Science is empirical. It is based on observations. (And observations do change! My professors constantly tell us how science has changed over the decades, how we discover more or disprove what they thought to be correct - there is not constancy or absolute truths, there is no solid foundation!) When he teaches us real science, based on actual, observable, repeatable research,  he is brilliant. But as soon as he begins to make up stories about human origins I become angry. (It is not as though he as literally observed any of it!) How can he say we evolved from apes yet cannot explain what processes allowed this to happen - how did the molecules happen to know where to go in deleting nucleotides from genomic code, how did these amazing genes just happen to randomly form in the right place, how did the vitally needed proteins also come into existance to express these new genes, how did the biochemical environment of the body tolerate or allow such harmful "mistakes" to occur, how did the physiology adapt to cope with these new conditions and abilities - there are literally an infinite amount of factors to include in explaining his "facts" which he totally ignores, or just unthinkingly accepts. A good scientist is one who asks the right questions, who looks for the right explanation, who considers the millions of contributing consequences... He will just say, "I have absolutely no idea!" (And I agree!) He tries to put a roof on a building that has no walls. 

Evolution creates questions, questions that only the Bible can answer, for God is the Creator! It is so (mindblowingly) simple: the body works so perfectly, its systems intricately and beautifully integrating, working together as a whole is because He made it exactly so. I cannot even begin to describe the details of marvels and wonder of how the human body works: from the very structure of the atom, the forces holding it all together, its almost magical, constant, instrinsic properties, forming the building blocks of life, forming molecules that make everything we see around us on a microscopic scale... 

I believe that God created the world. It says that God spoke and all of the universe came into being. It was good. And humans were VERY good! It may not explain how He flung the stars into space or hung the sun and moon in the sky, but the Bible (which any unbiased historian will tell you is infallible) tells me that He did it, and I believe it! There will always be mystery, for we are finite beings trying to understand the Infinite! Do I believe that a mighty, all-powerful, sovereignly upholding, sustainer, creative genius, designer God make it all? Yes. Of course. 

What further frustrates me is that evolution is a naturalistic/materialistic worldview, and yet the believer (yes, evolution is a faith) fails to take their view to its completion.  If you believe in evolution then what you are saying is that you are a random, directionless, pointless accident. You are not special, you are not unique, you do not matter, you have no worth, you have no purpose and your life has no meaning. If evolution had to happen again then you would not be here. You are no more important than dirt - you came from it. (And please don't even get me started on the "Big Bang" and the impossibilities of the chemical evolution - how can everything come from nothing?)

In a world where every one is searching for purpose, for acceptance, for love, for a meaningful existence, it is unfathomable to say that you are the pointless result of a random accident. You were created. You were created for a purpose. You were created for a reason. You were created in God's glorious image, for His glory, for His enjoyment. He created you for a loving relationship with Him. That is why you long for more. That is why you crave belonging, for you are lost! You can only find lasting fulfilment in Christ Jesus, in being a part of your Maker's family, in living forever in His awe-striking presence, praising Him for all of eternity. Without God you have nothing. Without Him you are nothing. 

Imagine looking at the Mona Lisa and saying, "It is an accident, the paint just happened to fall exactly where it fell onto the canvas, resulting in this breath-taking picture." That is ludicrous! And how do you think Leonardo da Vinci would feel hearing that about his masterpiece and not receiving the rightful credit he is due? Looking at the spectacular, indescribable awesomeness of creation and attributing it all (including astounding you!) to evolution instead of to God is unfathomable. 

I have realised, though, that getting upset about evolution is like getting angry at asking a blind man to describe a rainbow - he cannot see! In the same way, my professor is blind. But I pray that one day, by God's grace, he will see the life-changing truth. 

Sunshine smiles

The sun is shining and we are smiling :)

For days I had been anticipating these moments. R and I spend every day together, but we are always so incredibly busy, working side-by-side late into the night, or the painful, early hours of the morning... and I could just not wait to have a day off and spend it relaxing with my best friend.

Even a Genetics test, horrendous practical and delayed trains could dampen my excitement of being able to attend Bible study last night. It is a time of encouragement, of being challenged, grappling to understand God's Word, together being shaped by the truth, asking those difficult questions, honest prayer, feeling awe and thankfulness. But it is also a time of great laughter, teasing one another, catching up, eating way too many chocolates, wrapped in R's warm jacket, a blazing fire place and screaming at the TV cheering our Olympic favourites on... It fills you up. The sense of unity, friendship, accountability and love, we are like a family :)

Something that struck me again last night in discussion... as a believer, I have died with Christ, my sin has been crucified with Him on the cross, and I have been raised to new life, to freedom, not to myself, not to do whatever I so please, not to sin, but to live for God, free to obey Him, to say no to sin and be more like Christ... I am free to live how God originally created humanity to be in the very beginning, to glorify God! 

After a long, dreamless sleep, lazing in warmth and for once getting out of bed only after the sun has risen... ah, wonderful! I celebrated my Women's day with a group of lovely ladies. It was a colour workshop, where you discover what "season" you are - a Summer, Winter, Autumn or Spring. Mounds of fabrics where draped over us, comments of "Oh, that looks awful!" or "Wow, that makes you glow!" ensued with much love and laughter. Then tea with nutty, chocolate Texas brownies and decadent New York cheesecake, standing on the balcony overlooking the most glorious view of endless, deep blue ocean stretching before us, high up on the mountain with the whole bay far below, the white sails of the boats twinkling in the distance. 

I have been enjoying the sun with R, loving these stolen hours, just grateful. But the day is only going to get better with a family barbecue :) Happy Thursday! 

Mission of marriage?

"Love is action and not emotion."

Marriage is mission - our purpose is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride the church, to be sanctified, growing more into the likeness of Christ, built on the Gospel, proclaiming the Gospel together, perfect, harmonious unity like that of the Trinity, God and His glory at the centre, our love for Him the basis for it all. 

Simply put? It was designed, graciously gifted to us by God, to give us glimpses of His wonderous plan of redemption, reconciliation and restoration, to display the sort of complete and sacrificial love that He has for us shown by Jesus' death on the cross, the process for us for us to be made holy, not necessarily "happy", but to be sanctified, humble, and grow in our dependence on God, who alone can bring true and lasting joy and fulfilment!

Making it through the week...

Some days are just strange. I will suddenly look up and think, "How did I get here?" 

Well it has been a long week back at varsity. But earlier today, just sitting in the sunshine, I realized that I had actually made it through - God is good, it always works out in the end! 

Here are some happenings from my week (and hopefully they will make you groan and laugh like I did experiencing them!)

Yesterday morning the train was seriously delayed. I was beginning to panic, wondering how I was going to get to varsity on time. The thing about catching the train each morning is that there are the "regulars" - those who you nod hello to each day, those familiar faces, but people who you don't actually know. A boy turned to me and said, "You want a lift to UCT?" (R and I look at each other) "Sure, thanks!" I reply, secretly thinking, "Please don't kill me, please don't kill me!"As we were driving R texted me, "I need his name, surname, car, colour, licence plate number..." haha, but as you can obviously tell, I wasn't murdered (phew), made it on time to class (yay) and I also made a new friend :) 

This morning, unfortunately, didn't go much better - I overslept by forty minutes, dressed in a flash, ran out the doors and missed my "usual" train by seconds! "Just breathe, just breathe..." (Insert mini-breakdown) But once again, by a miracle, I stumbled through the lecture theatre doors just before it began. I spent today in a sort of a daze, somehow making it from class to class, feeling like I am forgetting something, longing to get home to R... My day also consisted of just missing more buses and more train delays (of course) but I could smile, knowing that in the greater view of life these "sufferings" of mine are really nothing at all to complain about - it is actually quite ridiculous how upset I get about this little things (I'm sorry - no more self pity!)

Let me tell you about this week's Human Physiology lecturer - he is actually a friend of mine and he works at the Sport Science Institute. His stories in class this week made us wonder how in the world he was still alive - from a cyst in his leg constricting his nerves causing paralysis, to a drop foot, to dead muscle taking a year to regenerate, to constantly tripping while running and dislocating his shoulder or ripping his intercostal muscles, to almost falling into a coma due to a research glucose/insulin experiment gone wrong, to his respiratory muscles stopping due to too many drugs administered during a surgery and dying on the table and being be resuscitated... can you believe it?! Next year when he teaches us again I can only imagine what life/death experiences he will share with us - he is absolutely brilliant :)  

I also want to say that in my lectures this week I have really seen God's genius design and breath-taking creativity in all of life, in the most complex details, in sustaining it all, how everything works so perfectly together... no one can explain it, no one can truly understand it! Wow... it is wonderful being constantly amazed and in awe of my Creator, His sheer power and control of the universe. I am reminded to give Him alone all the glory!

And here I am, at this very moment, watching the Olympics' incredible opening ceremony (eating sour jelly beans, cuddled under blankets on the couch, R trying not to fall asleep rather unsuccessfully and blogging away), feeling such pride for my family's countries - South Africa, the United States of America, Namibia, Germany and Belgium - we are behind you all the way, "Go teams go!" I love times like these when the world comes together... gives a glimpse of the unity and diversity (makes me think of Heaven...)

Well I am exhausted and still not sure how I survived these past few days (thank-you Lord!). R, thanks for being strong when I feel so weak. I know that I can stand because you are by my side. And with that I am off to dreamland, goodnight*

God's undeniable glory

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word "darkness" on the walls of his cell."

{CS Lewis}