Life's greatest adventure

"To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek Him, the greatest adventure; to find Him, the greatest achievement.” 

{St. Augustine}

A secret fear

It is a beautiful day. The sun is glimmering on the deep blue ocean. After my first dance staging rehearsal I am gasping for breath! Staging today consisted of raw feet, slipping on the slick stage, coughing and blowing my nose in between takes, getting blinded by the lights, and performing my heart out... (There is something magical about performing!) I am pushing myself to get better by drinking lots of tea, eating fresh, farm bread with homemade berry jam from the local Noordhoek farm village and trying to snuggle in bed for as long as possible. Which, while would be wonderful, is not possible with all my looming tests and assignments.

Late at night, in its quietness, my thoughts often drift. I love working. And I work very hard. All the time, every spare moment, into sheer exhaustion, endless hour upon hour upon hour... 

I understand that there must be a balance, but when I have to do so much work and struggle to do what is necessary, I barely have time to sleep, let alone relax or enjoy friendships. I cannot understand how my friends do it all... It is hurtful having to say no all the time, to turn down invitations because I am so incredibly busy. It has come to the point where my friends no longer ask me to join them because they know I won't be able to come. That is painful. Heartbreaking. 

When I am away from R at varsity, I feel lonely. It is then that I doubt. But when I come home and see R waiting at the train station for me, the world is put back on its axis.  

We all have to make sacrifices for what is truly important. I know that I have different priorities to my friends, that all that I do is in preparation for the future, planning for the life I will share with R. We have both been working together for this. They don't have that sort of perspective or path to travel. Varsity for me isn't about having a good time, but about working to the best of my abilities for God's glory and to make our dreams possible. I am terrified though, that I am sacrificing my friends and missing out on incredible memories... My parents met each other at varsity and made their lifelong friends at UCT. For me it has been different. Varsity is just a passing experience, a time to learn and grow, but it is not forever. I love studying, and am making the most of my time there, but am working for a purpose, going in a certain direction. 

It is the being left out that is difficult. I even have to make compromises to spend real quality time with R... and he is a million times more important than anything else. Our future is not vague, we are making plans and God is opening the doors. I cannot work any less (is there really such a thing as over-achieving?) but I fear that one day in the future, when we have achieved these goals, we won't have any friends left to share it all with... But if all I ever had was R (and our God) it would be more than enough. So while I question,  I know that my feet are on solid ground. That is an everlasting comfort.  

Sunshine smiles

The sun is shining and we are smiling :)

For days I had been anticipating these moments. R and I spend every day together, but we are always so incredibly busy, working side-by-side late into the night, or the painful, early hours of the morning... and I could just not wait to have a day off and spend it relaxing with my best friend.

Even a Genetics test, horrendous practical and delayed trains could dampen my excitement of being able to attend Bible study last night. It is a time of encouragement, of being challenged, grappling to understand God's Word, together being shaped by the truth, asking those difficult questions, honest prayer, feeling awe and thankfulness. But it is also a time of great laughter, teasing one another, catching up, eating way too many chocolates, wrapped in R's warm jacket, a blazing fire place and screaming at the TV cheering our Olympic favourites on... It fills you up. The sense of unity, friendship, accountability and love, we are like a family :)

Something that struck me again last night in discussion... as a believer, I have died with Christ, my sin has been crucified with Him on the cross, and I have been raised to new life, to freedom, not to myself, not to do whatever I so please, not to sin, but to live for God, free to obey Him, to say no to sin and be more like Christ... I am free to live how God originally created humanity to be in the very beginning, to glorify God! 

After a long, dreamless sleep, lazing in warmth and for once getting out of bed only after the sun has risen... ah, wonderful! I celebrated my Women's day with a group of lovely ladies. It was a colour workshop, where you discover what "season" you are - a Summer, Winter, Autumn or Spring. Mounds of fabrics where draped over us, comments of "Oh, that looks awful!" or "Wow, that makes you glow!" ensued with much love and laughter. Then tea with nutty, chocolate Texas brownies and decadent New York cheesecake, standing on the balcony overlooking the most glorious view of endless, deep blue ocean stretching before us, high up on the mountain with the whole bay far below, the white sails of the boats twinkling in the distance. 

I have been enjoying the sun with R, loving these stolen hours, just grateful. But the day is only going to get better with a family barbecue :) Happy Thursday! 

Truth.

"The truth of God is immortal."

{Calvin}

My life of roadtrips and travelling!

The madness of packing, everyone rushing around, trying to squash all the bags in the back of the car, so stressed that all they can do it laugh... roadtrip!

I have been on countless roadtrips...

... Around the beautiful South Africa, the quiet and quaint West Coast fishing villages, up garden route to see the Spring flowers, stopping at wine farms and any unique farm stall, driving up North to Kruger National game reserve, backpacking through the park, watching the sunset while elephants, giraffes and buck drink from the waterhole...

... Up to Namibia (so many times!), along the straightest roads, stretching unendingly into the horizon, flanked by orange sandstone mountains and golden sand dunes rising up out of the desert floor. I love driving over the Orange River, stopping on the bridge between the two countries for a photograph, then standing under the scorching sun in winding lines for hours waiting to get our passports stamped. Hot, dusty air breezing through our open windows, stopping in a small, abandoned mining town, to our favourite German bakery for delicious pastries to eat under the shade of trees. Spending time with family, playing card games with my cousins late into the night, so much laughter, so many memories...

... Around Europe – Germany, Austria, Italy, Swizerland! The breathtaking countryside, rolling green hills, snowcapped Alps, driving through tunnels under mountains... Walking through Munich at night, a Starbucks cup in my hand, admiring the fountains, the busy streets, the glockenspiel, dancing and spinning about as the clock strikes. Salzburg – Mozart’s home town, beautiful in every way – I remember standing in awe in the Royal rose gardens, taking a horse and carriage ride around the city, the wheels rattling over the cobblestones taking cable cars up to castles that seem to be on every hill, exploring those stone corridors, fascinated by the suits of armour, ancient weapons, marionettes, surrounded by such rich history!  And Venice! No place like it on Earth – the walkways over the canals, rooftop gardens, weaving through tight passages between towering, crumbling buildings, pushing through the crowds of tourists, crushed in San Marco square, hearing hundreds of church bells tolling, the wavering flicker of candles burning in the sanctuaries, the marble statues and ceiling paintings in the cathedrals, eating gelato every day, riding a gondola down the Grand Canal, sitting at the edge of a pier on the island of Lido, feet dangling, listening to the water lap against the stones, snacking for supper, watching the sun sink below the Venice skyline into the waters below. Magical. Driving around the famed Lake Como, dipping our hands into the water, driving around the Colosseum in Verona, standing in the stone courtyard staring up at Juliet's famed balcony, then up into the Bergamo mountain regions, like a dream, a distant dream...

... And of course those days and days of driving all around the USA! This is where all my roadtripping began and I am still astounded when I hear the story – my brother and father drove in an old van filled with all our possessions while my mother, sister and I, a newborn baby of nine days old, took a train ride from San Diego, Southern California, to Philadelphia – West to the East coast. Since then we have driven through/across/to nearly every state. Days spent watching the countryside change through the car window, watching those billboards, turning off the highway, stopping at Cracker Barrel and other curio stores, eating fast foods, annoying each other in the backseat of the car. I remember the “small town” feel of big town Chicago, Illinois, the lighthouses watching over a frozen Lake Michigan, standing in the spray of Niagara Falls, ski’ing in Yosemite National Park, staring at the reflection of El Capitan in the dark waters, skating on a frozen lake, licking dripping icicles, taking shelter in Native American tepees, the thunderstorms of Orlando, Florida, swimming at the beaches of the Gulf of Mexico, the charm of Charlotte, South Carolina, the Golden Gate bridge rising out of the mists and rain, the eternal bustle of New York, the busyness, constant sounds of moving meet, standing in the shadow of the Empire State building, wandering through Central Park, riding the subway, holding onto the ferry railing as we sail past the Statue of Liberty, visiting all the famous museums (of course) in Washington DC, running up the stairs to the stairs to the Lincoln Memorial, the tulips in front of the Capitol building, the themeparks in Los Angeles, the wonder of Disneyland and Disneyworld too many times to count, wrapping my scarf tightly around my neck as we build snowmen in St Louis, going up into that silver arch, passing through Texas, Tennessee, Georgia...

... But there are still  a million places I still want to visit – so many places I dream of discovering in the US, old world Europe, travelling through Asia – India, the Indonesia islands, Thailand, Japan – and up through the diverse continent of Africa!

I have come to realize that what makes all of these roadtrips special (and so memorable – the laughter, the irritation, the complete catastrophes, the horrible weather, the most wonderful moments!) is that it was because of the people that went along with me – or who took me along! It’s my family, my friends, my loved ones. Tomorrow morning my best friend and I will drive back home and nothing excites me more than the thought of hours of new adventure just waiting to happen... happy roadtripping! 

Blinded.

There are times when I become so blind to all that I have and find myself fixated only on what I do not have. Yes, I realise that this is self-obsessed, immature thinking, and I do feel deeply ashamed of my grumbling attitude. But when I’m in the centre of this self-pity I can only see myself.

It is hard when I have a million hopes and secret dreams, these little plans that I am working to put into action in the future... and then suddenly I hear of someone else doing the exact same thing – feeling like they have stolen something fragile and precious from me. I pray for patience as I wait and wait and wait... but then I hear someone else complaining one minute but then the next getting exactly what they complained about (what I too have been so desperately waiting for...) It is not easy to celebrate in a friend’s happiness when yours seems so far away. You attempt a smile while blinking back bittersweet tears, congratulate them while feeling only angry at yourself for your betraying feelings. It is difficult when someone seems to get whatever they want, all their dreams can come true with the swipe of a card – money is no object, when I have to struggle to save any penny I get, worried, working so, so hard for my future, having to cut off here and there and everywhere parts of my dream because I will never be able to afford it.

While I truly know that none of this matters and how incredibly childish it is to think like this, it doesn’t always convince my heart otherwise. I know that none of it lasts, it fades away, and most importantly, in the light of eternity it is all insignificant... but ultimately my heart needs to change.

This is where my person comes in: he keeps me calm, he wipes me tears, whispers reassurances, reminds me of the millions of things I have to be thankful for. He shares in these burdens and together we pray and deal with the pressures, the worries, the uncertainties, while he holds my hand as we plan, with God’s guidance, our future. God will provide (He always has!) and He is forever faithful – we must simply (!) trust in Him. Yes, this does sometimes mean letting go of selfish desires, even dreams that seem to be so very important. No, I will not get everything I want, but if I’m honest, I really shouldn’t – it would only lead to a twisted sort of arrogant, self-reliance and an ugly pride. My person keeps my eyes of Jesus, focussed on what has everlasting value, giving me perspective, because I have come to realize that I struggle with coveting – wanting what others have – and I have placed “stuff” (actual rubbish) in the place of God.

Nothing will ever be able to compare to the indescribably greatest gift of all time: God’s Son. By God’s grace my eyes have been opened – it is not about me but all about Him. Remembering that makes all the difference. 

Gathering the mists of my memories - a collection of happenings*

Perhaps one last post, looking back on this past semester, before tomorrow's new adventure begins!

Every story is a collection of happenings. Here is what I am able to remember, gathered from the mists of my memories...

[Distant summer weekends spent at the beach]

[Waiting at the train station, in your arms, watching the sun rise]

[The views from my train window]

[Rainbows over the ocean]

[Making every possible mistake in the lab, being the last to leave, but laughing the whole way through]

[The lights shining from Jameson Hall, walking up those frozen steps, so quiet, just before an exam]

[Exploring the mountains with my best friends]

[Standing on top of the world]

[Olympia cafe - every week after church]

[Spending time with old and new friends]

[When something small makes you smile]

[Growing to love you more and more every single day, in the million little things you do for me, so selfless, so incredibly wonderful, humbled and amazed, forever thankful]

[The Annex - weekend breakfasts with my best friend, sitting at our favourite table, rediscovering our neighbourhood, hearing the click of the camera, eating the most delectable treats, wandering through antique book stores, vintage boutiques, you spoiling me, dreaming of the future, pure happiness]

[Contentment - walking the dog with you]

[Tribeca - out with the family, out with friends, out with my best friend - gourmet burgers, toffee coffees, white hot chocolates, red velvet cheesecake, but best of all the conversations]

[Endless hours spent in the hushed silence of the library, using every last ounce of energy to study, study, study]

[Warm days means that the whole family gets together for a barbecue]

[Loving my parents - grateful for everything]

[When my beautiful sister came to visit from South Korea for just a few days - the smiles, the laughter, the stories, the busiest week of going out here and there having the most fun!]

[Walking across campus every morning, feeling at peace]

[Day dreaming on my train rides home]

[Eating The Creamery's most amazing ice-cream on a lovely winter's day]

[Watching the seasons change, beautiful golden yellow, burnt orange, fiery red Autumn leaves fall, dancing through their rustling carpet, under bare Winter branches, rain falling down and down and down]

[Home]

But what about those late, late nights spent studying for exams, or the Easter weekend spent with you, or sitting and cheering for our friends riding the Cape Argus, or all those photoshoots spent at your side, the time spent with friends, those spectacular sunsets walking along the beach, meeting new people, overcoming fears and learning to trust again and again in God alone,  those prayers, our evenings at Bible study, being encouraged, those times we sat on Jammie steps in the sunshine, catching up, eating lunch, those moments spent whispering on the couch, or cuddled warm in bed, under piles of blankets, indulging in chocolate and tea, reading book after book as the rain pours outside, laughing in lectures, baking our favourite chocolate chip cookies, being a part of Youth, those dark times of feeling alone, forgotten, disheartened, you hugging me so tenderly that I want to cry, making toasted sandwiches and mugs of steaming soup, and so many other happenings, so many others... 

Forever thankful

(Last night at Bible study: my praise prayer point)

Raynard. Especially. For too many reasons to count. 

He is not afraid to rebuke me, to tell me that I am being immature and selfish. He hold me accountable. He humbles me. He makes me take my eyes off of myself and focus them back onto Jesus. Perspective. He helps me when I get so caught up in my work, showing me that I'm wrong, that it's not all about me, me, me. He will force me to go to Bible study when I don't feel like it because he understands, he truly knows what I need, what is best for me, and I will forever be thankful for that.

He has been so loving, so selfless, so sacrificial, so supportive, so tender, so kind, so strong, so patient, so gracious, but firm when I need to hear what I don't want to hear it, these past (almost unbearably difficult) weeks. With him by my side I am growing (and growing up), encouraged, reminded constantly, to glorify God every moment, to proclaim the Gospel, to be praying for us and our friends and to live in the light of eternity - what all of life is really about!

Thank-you Ray, really, really, REALLY (words are not enough, and never will be, so I will  just never stop saying "THANK-YOU!") I love you. 

X

relationships.

Relationships. I have learned a lot. Been pulled and pushed beyond belief. I have been challenged me to my very core. I have been melted down and remoulded. I have been cut and burned. It has hurt. I have been broken. It has been wonderful. It has changed me. And it has been the most amazing time of my life.

Relationships. Sharing my life with you. My every day fairytale come to life. A wonder. A dream. My greatest joy, privilege and pleasure. 

But. It has also been the most sorrowful, heart breaking, devastating, shattering experience for me. 

Relationships are hard, hard work. They are messy and confusing. They are full of misunderstandings. But without all of this they would be pointless. Here are a few things that I have learned from the past two (the BEST two!) years of my life:

(This may not be the most exciting post, but hopefully, at least a little bit, insightful!)

Your person is your best friend. Fullstop. They are the one with whom you are desperate to spend every waking moment. With them life is easy, light-hearted, fun, carefree - simply enjoy spending time together! They make you laugh, they smile and you know what they are thinking, they understand, you can just sit in silence for hours and be content. Those special, romantic evenings are lovely, but they are not everyday life. It is about really knowing your person even better than they know themselves (really!) Your person should make you feel safe and secure, precious and beautiful, totally comfortable - even when you are just sitting on the couch, no makeup, hair a mess, in your worn, old pjs watching your favourite series. You should be able to do nothing with your person and be happy. I think that every lasting relationship is built firstly on the solid foundation of friendship.

Without constant, honest COMMUNICATION your relationship is dead. How often have fights happened because we misheard something, or did not get the full picture? (And you will fight - often!) You have to speak to each other - all the time! About the tiny things as much as the huge things. Being genuinely interesting in what happened in their day, taking the time to know and care about the people in their life, their hopes, their dreams, their heartaches, their stresses, their fears... It is important to share your heart with your person... but this is terrifying! Yes, you will be vulnerable... dependent on them - but that is true intimacy, two hearts joined into one, needing that person like you have never needed another human being before. This can only be based on trust. There may be no doubts, no lies, no half-heartedness. You are meant to support, encourage, admonish, grow each other. When you fall down they pick you up, when you are broken they put you back together. Love must overflow - and with it grace and much forgiveness. But with talking also comes LISTENING! You are walking this road of life together, hand-in-hand. 

It is truly the little things: making them a cup of coffee while they're studying, a hand written note, buying their favourite chocolate, texting a Bible verse they had just read that struck them, holding hands as you go for a walk with the dog, letting them choose the music in the car, a quick "just because I'm thinking of you" phonecall, giving them a hug after a long day, praying with you every evening before they say goodnight, saying "I love you" at every possible moment... there are a million moments in the day where you can make your person feel special and show them that you care. It can honestly make their day. Appreciate them and say THANK-YOU! 

In perfect symmetry, you should be able to let the (annoying) little things go: don't fight over something, that in all honestly, is not important (speaking to myself). Don't get irate about the silly things that don't matter. It will save you much time, energy and immature, angry tears. (Said as politely as possible: grow-up!)

On a more serious note: a relationship must have a purpose. It must be INTENTIONAL. You must both know where you are going and why - and you should both want to go there! It does not matter how much you may like, or even love, that person. It does not matter how much fun you have together. It does not even matter if you want to get to know the person better. It is about preparing for a serious, committed, faithful, Christ-honouring (and Lord willing!) LIFELONG relationship. Yes. Marriage. Or else what is the point? Sharing your life, your heart, your deepest being with another person... just because you "like them", "have fun together", "want to get to know them"? That sounds rather selfish and immature. Relationships are SERIOUS. Make sure that you are both willing to take the risk... or be patient, pray, wait, just be friends (I said it!), so as to possibly avoid future heartbreak. Is a fling really worth all the tears? All the pain? (But yes, I know, it may take a few tries until you find THE ONE... but please guard your heart, please...) 

Most importantly: You are a team - you have to be! It is not about you. And even though you will have to SACRIFICE much, putting the other person before yourself, giving, giving and giving some more, it is not even about them. It is all about God. Together you are a WITNESS - the gospel personified. God should be at the centre. He is what should hold you together. He will never let you down - His love will NEVER FAIL. He displays the perfect example of love, of forgiveness, of grace, of holiness, of purity, of sacrifice. The purpose of any and ALL relationships is sanctification - to be made more like Christ. (Fullstop.) And ultimately to GLORIFY GOD. 

a moment's reflection

You are the hole in my head 

You are the space in my bed 

You are the silence in between 

What I thought and what I said 

You are the night-time fear 

You are the morning when it's clear... 

You're my head 

You're my heart

 {Florence + The Machine}

I often find myself reflecting on how blessed I am. Truly blessed. Often one gets so caught up in life, the everyday rushings, the swirling of time around us. It does not stop, it waits for no one. And we run and we run to just try and keep up. That is when we must stop, when we must wait, for just a moment, and reflect. The now is not what is really important, it is the future, the eternal future. Perspective.

Looking up from underneath 

Fractured moonlight light on the sea, 

Reflections still look the same to me, 

As before I went under 

And it's peaceful in the deep, 

Cause either way you cannot breathe, 

No need to pray, no need to say 

Now I am under 

And it's breaking over me, 

A thousand miles down to the sea bed, 

I found the place to rest my head. 

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me, 

And all this devotion was rushing over me, 

And the question of heaven, 

for a sinner like me, 

But the arms of the ocean deliver me. 

Never let me go, never let me go...

{Florence + The Machine} 

I am incredibly grateful to have the people that I have surrounding me, supporting me, loving me. I do not want to take them for granted, I want to appreciate them, treasure them, cherish them - like they do for me. It is difficult not to become overwhelmed with it all - especially with the insanity of varsity having started up again - and to forget how blessed I really am. Now, in this very moment, and even better, in my eternal future.

Purpose and Perspective

As the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve I read these verses: 

"Behold, I am coming soon! Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy in this book"... Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy." "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. "I, Jesus... am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."... The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.... He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen.

 {Revelation 22}

This should be ever present in out minds, shaping all of life's purpose and perspective... living in the light of eternity... "Come Lord Jesus" COME!  

Christmas memories*

T'was the night before Christmas... 
(My memories of today - as a list!) 

1. Whistling Christmas carols and dancing around the kitchen.
2. Doors thrown wide open, summer sunshine streaming in, a cool breeze blowing.
3. Helping my mom cook the most elaborate and scrumptious Christmas feast - heaps upon heaps of delectable goodness - learning how to cook the meals that I will one day be making for my family :)
4. Putting our feet up, sneaking in some chocolate, while our mouths water over Nigella and Jamie on the tellie. 
5. Fingers stained with berry juice, licking sticky, sugary caramel, creamy custard and mounds of whipped cream (making a summer trifle!) 
6. Attempting to stuff more "stuff" in already packed fridges... 
7. Wishing friends "A very Merry Christmas!" - spreading the cheer! 
8. A thousand twinkling fairy lights and a million candles scattered across the room*
9. Red and gold, deep purple and silver. 
10. Busyness, busyness, busyness!!! Running around here and there and everything - doing so much, yet at the same time doing nothing in particular at all.
11. Thinking how strange it has been to spend half of my Christmases throwing snowballs, cuddling by a roaring fire, trying to dry out wet mittens, baking chocolate chip cookies and shopping up a spree of magical presents, while the other half have been spent lazy and warm, swimming at the beach, watching the sunset late at night, drinking champagne and ice tea. 
12. Hearing my mother shout into the phone, wishing all our German family a  "Frohe Weihnachten" - loving my family heritage and traditions.
13. My father reading the birth narrative. 
14. Food! Turkey, glazed gamon, roasted lamb, Mediterranean couscous salad, potato, green and pasta salads, fresh bakery breads with soft cheeses, nutty, herby stuffing, cranberries and apple sauce, chocolate fudge sauce drizzled over New York cheesecake, sweet and tart berry trifle, sweet, sparkling drinks.....  
15. Ripping open beautiful wrapped gifts - excitement! 
16. Surrounded with the most incredible family and friends <3
17. Late night phonecalls with my person (liefde!) 
18. Thinking that all the hard work, all the hours, all the effort was beyond worthwhile :)
19. Falling exhausted into bed, a smile on my face, my heart stirred with memories, my dreams full of hope and happiness, thinking about tomorrow.... Christmas day!

the twilight transition

She lay with her hands clasped beneath her head. Her eyes fluttered shut, flickering her eyelids with the fading whispers of sunlight, the dark, heavy clouds shading her face. 

Feet in the water, floating, disconnected. She focused only on the sound of the rushing waterfall as the wind smoothed over her, flying her thoughts away, soothing away her questions. The ebb and flow, the ebb and flow... until her mind was still and her heart stopped beating. 

It was twilight. The strangest part of the day - the drawing of the day to a close, yet the slow awakening of the long night. The sun seems to suspend while time ceases. 

It reminded her of the road between childhood and adulthood, singleness and marriage, of leaving one's family and making your own... like the transition of twilight. 

Peace descended as she opened her eyes. 

[The cycle of growing up...]

Thinking of you*

Time. It goes too quickly. It goes too slowly. Too little. Too much.

During these long summer days one would wish for them to stretch out before oneself with no end in its glorious sight, filled with happiness, contentment, warmth and joy...

Yet for me, I wish for the days to pass with haste, longing to see him, reunited with my best friend, my love. Every thing he writes to me stirs up a painful wanting, an aching heart, a wishing to be by his side, to hold his hand, to simply be there with him...

I have been keeping myself busy by:

1. Trying not to think about him - I fail every second of every single day (he is part of me).
2. Watching Pride and Prejudice (for possibly the hundredth time - never too many!) - may just be my favourite love story of all time* (which makes me think of him).
3. Mindless television - movies, series, reality shows... (trying not to think about him) while relaxing on the couch.
4. Lounging by the poolside, on a chaise, shading my eyes as I read a good book (romance, crime, murder mysteries, legal thrillers, anything - trying not to think of him!) or dangling my feet into the cool water, enjoying the calming waterfall flow.
5. Curling up with a soft, warm blanket as it rains so gently outside, the puppies at my feet vying for affection, letting music wash over me, pure laziness (and thinking - if only he were here...)
6. Attempting to cook and indulging in luxurious baking (thinking of how he loves to bake with me, teach me how to cook the most scrumptious, comfort foods, then grab me around the waist and waltz across the floor, twirling me round and round, dizzy with delight!)
7. Spending time with my family, laughing and laughing (but thinking that someone is missing...)

Please come home soon... for I am thinking of you always*

The emotion of the hour

She had not yet realized that she had been secretly counting done the days until he would leave her. Its imminent arrival was rapidly approaching. Her dread grew. The heart ache dawned anew. The tears welled in her saddened eyes. The terrible, sweeping emotions of the coming loneliness and desperation and fear and hurting overflowed.

“But not yet...” she hopelessly whispered to her lost self. And continued her counting. 

the Centre

The key to a successful, balanced, put-in-the-right-perspective, lasting relationship is God. Or rather, God at the centre - in His rightfully deserved place!

One of the many, many things I admire about my person is his love of the gospel, his passion for the Word, his desire for ministry! He encourages me, keeps me accountable, grows me in my faith - and that is all that one can wish for in a real relationship - someone to help you on your difficult journey of faith, hand-in-hand, on the road to eternity. 

Sometimes when I get caught up in the romance and the fantasy, he gently puts my feet back on the ground, firm, solid reality. He often tells me, "Do not make me or marriage an idol." The breath just leaves me. What a terrifying thought - mainly because it is so incredibly easy, even tempting, to make that one person your obsession, your everything, the most important...

Dearest person: thank-you for making me strive for godliness, humility and God's glory every day! (The biggest reason why I love you).

 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." Luke 10:27