Things I love about Raynard

(Just a few... or else you would be here forever!!)

1. His smile :)
2. The way he laughs.
3. How he sings in church, but doesn't pay attention and gets the lyrics wrong.
4. How he plays with the engagement ring on my finger.
5. His crushing hugs.
6. How he loves to read. And all the incredible authors he devours. Challenging and encouraging me. 
7. When he excitedly tells me of all that he is learning about in class and laughs when I get it all wrong. Or attempt to argue with him, just because. 
8. He makes the best chocolate chunk cookies. Actually he is a wonderful baker. (I am a little bit jealous!)
9. How he is "crunchy" reformed. But together we struggle through the questions and hot topics. We are growing!
10. He makes the ordinary, every day, magical.
11. His generosity, honesty and utter faithfulness.
12. He is truly selfless. 
13. The way he teases my sisters, bakes with them, talk to my mom, discusses theology with my dad, walks our dog, and how my family adores him. (Perfect!)
14. How he was the only one that would teach me to drive - and whenever I drive his car he tries so hard to not freak out and just prays like crazy. Still can't believe he gave me a set of my own keys for "our" car!
15. He spoils me with little treats all the time and lets me know that he is constantly thinking of me. He never stops saying "I love you" (and I never get tried of hearing it!)
16. He is open to adventures and is happy to try out new things with me.
17. He makes me breakfast and lunch every single day for varsity, before the sun has risen, and walks me to the train station - for almost two years now!!
18. He is still trying to teach me how to Sokkie.
19. He never complains. And reminds me to be thankful for all the rich blessings and provisions that God has given to us.
20. The way he holds me while we dance around the kitchen.
21. The way he is always calm and keeps my feet on level ground.
22. He loves the beach but hates the sand - like me.
23. He never seems to be afraid. Even when I am terrified. (He also kills spiders and creepy bugs for me without blinking an eye).
24. His perspective - helping me to refocus on what truly matters, what really lasts, what stretches into eternity and to live in that light.
25. His passion for the gospel and mission.
26. His love for apologetics.
27. He gives me the last piece of chocolate, scoop of ice-cream, sip of his hot chocolate. He shares when I am tempted to be greedy and keep it all for myself. 
28. Holding me accountable.
29. He does everything for God's glory.
30. He cooks, he cleans, he gardens, he does laundry, he is able to fix almost anything, it's every girl's dream!
31. The way he can fall asleep just like that. And almost every time we watch a movie.
32. Related: what his hair looks like when he wake up - it's adorable :)
33. His gentle care, knowing what I need when I don't even realize it, always making me feel better.
34. He makes the best toasted cheese sandwiches. And tea!
35. He is slow to get angry and quick to forgive.
36. His love is overwhelming, gracious, undeserved.
37. He loves food just as much as I do :D
38. He has turned me into a coffee addict.
39. How he is trying to convert me to love his favourite sports - cycling, cricket, rugby - but doesn't mind if I just don't get it, or would rather read a book.
40. His talent in taking the most spectacular, insightful photographs that tell a story
41. He put me first, thinks of my best interests constantly, always has a plan, provides for me, makes provision for the future, works so incredibly hard to make it all possible.
42. He makes me feel beautiful, especially when I feel anything but.
43. We dream together. Who could think of anything more amazing than being able to spend the rest of your life with your best friend?!
44. He makes me feel safe.
45. His prayers.
46. Whenever I get angry he just smiles and starts laughing, making me more angry, until I realise how ridiculous I am being and start laughing too :)
47. His sense of humour.
48. His perseverance. He never gives up on me. 
49. His support and strength. 
50. I never realised it would be like this - fully vulnerable before someone, yet fully trusted and accepted by them, loved unconditionally by them, despite your faults. It is wondrous! He has showed me what real love is. Like the love God has shown us in His Son Jesus. 

Happy Anniversary Raynard! Here is to forever.

Will you be in Heaven?

“The critical question for our generation—and for every generation is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ were not there? Christ did not die to forgive sinners who go on treasuring anything above seeing and savouring God. And people who would be happy in heaven if Christ were not there, will not be there. The gospel is not a way to get people to heaven; it is a way to get people to God. It's a way of overcoming every obstacle to everlasting joy in God. If we don't want God above all things, we have not been converted by the gospel."

{John Piper} 

Mission of marriage?

"Love is action and not emotion."

Marriage is mission - our purpose is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride the church, to be sanctified, growing more into the likeness of Christ, built on the Gospel, proclaiming the Gospel together, perfect, harmonious unity like that of the Trinity, God and His glory at the centre, our love for Him the basis for it all. 

Simply put? It was designed, graciously gifted to us by God, to give us glimpses of His wonderous plan of redemption, reconciliation and restoration, to display the sort of complete and sacrificial love that He has for us shown by Jesus' death on the cross, the process for us for us to be made holy, not necessarily "happy", but to be sanctified, humble, and grow in our dependence on God, who alone can bring true and lasting joy and fulfilment!

A little piece of our love story

{Our first photograph together}

My ideal day is one spent with my best friend. We don't have to go anywhere or do something special, in fact, I love more than anything just spending all day with him, happily doing nothing! Enjoying his company is more than enough, he make every moment magical, this sort of day is just perfect - living life together.

Today has been wonderful. After early morning dance rehearsal it was time to start lazing around. We gathered up a pile of blankets and an armful of pillows ready to huddle, cuddle and snuggle down for the day. With books in hand we have spent hours relaxing, sipping tea (for me) and coffee (for him) simply content as the rain falls outside - not a gentle pitter-pattering, but wind howling, rain thundering, soil drenching, gutter pouring, door shaking, window rattling rain. Reminded once again how grateful I am for something so taken for granted as a warm home. 

Every now and then we see a glimmer of sunshine, but we dare not venture outside. Over toasted sandwiches we discuss what we are going to make for dinner for the family tonight and then hurry back to the couch to nap, wrapped safe in your arms, my heart overwhelmed (once again!) with awe and thankfulness. 

I am taken back... R and I met little over two years ago and I still can't believe how amazing it has all so blessedly turned out to be (thank-you Lord!) Ah, the memories. I am still astounded at how he so passionately pursued me and persevered (and still does) especially when I kept saying "No" (and of course so girlishly didn't mean it!) So much has changed,  I am amazed at how we have grown and how God has worked so beautifully. It is all too much to put into something as finite as words. 

Being entrusted with someone's heart is the greatest privilege and pleasure, to have the honour of sharing one's love and life is staggering, to grow each day - together - in knowing one another (and truly, vulnerably, intimately, preciously knowing!), understanding what love really is, realizing the grace of God more and more, struggling but holding each other accountable in keeping God at the centre, humbled over and over again, together keeping our minds on the cross, eternity and His will, and challenged in godliness... it is beyond anything I had ever imagined. (Better than anything I could have ever dreamed of!)

I don't know where this post is going... but I just wanted to express how brilliantly happy I am... I don't need anything more. I am overflowing with gratitude to God and all the inexpressibly good gifts He has given. Looking back and looking forward can only bring prayers of praise and thanksgiving to my Heavenly Father. He brought us together, He has kept us together, and He will carry us through. I pray that we will continue to trust in Him alone, to worship Him with all our hearts, to continually be changed by the Gospel and always glorify Him. 

... And I'm off to make some lovely hot chocolate for R and I, to get back to our blankets and books, to spend the next few hours together living our love story :)

Thanks babe, for everything!

True rest.

" The heart of man is restless until it finds its rest in Thee."

{Saint Augustine} 

Sometimes I find myself living in a world of wishful thinking. I am consumed with "What if..." or "If only..." or "When that finally happens..."

It is an existence of longing, of waiting, of searching, of daydreaming, of discontentment (if I am being brutally honest). The reason for this is because I have taken God's place in my life, I am the centre of my universe, motivated by pride and man's praise, of finding pleasure in fleeting material possessions, or empty idolatry. I want to please myself instead of being fully satisfied in the cross of Christ or finding my true fulfilment in God's will for my life.

My story is not actually my story but God's - He wrote it, He is the lead character, I am humbled at the privilege of just being able to step onto the same stage...

Our purpose is life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. I am humbled again and again to ask for God's gracious forgiveness, to turn from self toward God, to prioritize the Kingdom, to be saturated in my living, my breathing, my thinking with the Gospel as a child of God, to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus being freed by the innocent blood He shed for me, to live in the light of eternity! 

Lord, may I find my rest alone in You. 

Star of the Morning

Hours away from writing my final exam but I have this song playing through my mind...  

Beautiful Saviour
Wonderful Counsellor
clothed in majesty
Lord of history
You're the Way
the Truth
the Life 

Star of the Morning
glorious in holiness
You're the Risen One
Heaven's champion
and You reign
You reign
over all.

Comfort. Hope. Perspective. Goodnight* 

Endure

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

 {Hebrew 12:1-3}

Forever thankful

(Last night at Bible study: my praise prayer point)

Raynard. Especially. For too many reasons to count. 

He is not afraid to rebuke me, to tell me that I am being immature and selfish. He hold me accountable. He humbles me. He makes me take my eyes off of myself and focus them back onto Jesus. Perspective. He helps me when I get so caught up in my work, showing me that I'm wrong, that it's not all about me, me, me. He will force me to go to Bible study when I don't feel like it because he understands, he truly knows what I need, what is best for me, and I will forever be thankful for that.

He has been so loving, so selfless, so sacrificial, so supportive, so tender, so kind, so strong, so patient, so gracious, but firm when I need to hear what I don't want to hear it, these past (almost unbearably difficult) weeks. With him by my side I am growing (and growing up), encouraged, reminded constantly, to glorify God every moment, to proclaim the Gospel, to be praying for us and our friends and to live in the light of eternity - what all of life is really about!

Thank-you Ray, really, really, REALLY (words are not enough, and never will be, so I will  just never stop saying "THANK-YOU!") I love you. 

X

That I might live

"My Lord, what love is this?
that pays so dearly,
that I, the guilty one,
may go free! 

Amazing love!
Oh what sacrifice,
the Son of God
given for me,
my debt He paid
and my death He died
that I might live -  

That I might live"

Good Friday!

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." 

{Romans 5:8}

relationships.

Relationships. I have learned a lot. Been pulled and pushed beyond belief. I have been challenged me to my very core. I have been melted down and remoulded. I have been cut and burned. It has hurt. I have been broken. It has been wonderful. It has changed me. And it has been the most amazing time of my life.

Relationships. Sharing my life with you. My every day fairytale come to life. A wonder. A dream. My greatest joy, privilege and pleasure. 

But. It has also been the most sorrowful, heart breaking, devastating, shattering experience for me. 

Relationships are hard, hard work. They are messy and confusing. They are full of misunderstandings. But without all of this they would be pointless. Here are a few things that I have learned from the past two (the BEST two!) years of my life:

(This may not be the most exciting post, but hopefully, at least a little bit, insightful!)

Your person is your best friend. Fullstop. They are the one with whom you are desperate to spend every waking moment. With them life is easy, light-hearted, fun, carefree - simply enjoy spending time together! They make you laugh, they smile and you know what they are thinking, they understand, you can just sit in silence for hours and be content. Those special, romantic evenings are lovely, but they are not everyday life. It is about really knowing your person even better than they know themselves (really!) Your person should make you feel safe and secure, precious and beautiful, totally comfortable - even when you are just sitting on the couch, no makeup, hair a mess, in your worn, old pjs watching your favourite series. You should be able to do nothing with your person and be happy. I think that every lasting relationship is built firstly on the solid foundation of friendship.

Without constant, honest COMMUNICATION your relationship is dead. How often have fights happened because we misheard something, or did not get the full picture? (And you will fight - often!) You have to speak to each other - all the time! About the tiny things as much as the huge things. Being genuinely interesting in what happened in their day, taking the time to know and care about the people in their life, their hopes, their dreams, their heartaches, their stresses, their fears... It is important to share your heart with your person... but this is terrifying! Yes, you will be vulnerable... dependent on them - but that is true intimacy, two hearts joined into one, needing that person like you have never needed another human being before. This can only be based on trust. There may be no doubts, no lies, no half-heartedness. You are meant to support, encourage, admonish, grow each other. When you fall down they pick you up, when you are broken they put you back together. Love must overflow - and with it grace and much forgiveness. But with talking also comes LISTENING! You are walking this road of life together, hand-in-hand. 

It is truly the little things: making them a cup of coffee while they're studying, a hand written note, buying their favourite chocolate, texting a Bible verse they had just read that struck them, holding hands as you go for a walk with the dog, letting them choose the music in the car, a quick "just because I'm thinking of you" phonecall, giving them a hug after a long day, praying with you every evening before they say goodnight, saying "I love you" at every possible moment... there are a million moments in the day where you can make your person feel special and show them that you care. It can honestly make their day. Appreciate them and say THANK-YOU! 

In perfect symmetry, you should be able to let the (annoying) little things go: don't fight over something, that in all honestly, is not important (speaking to myself). Don't get irate about the silly things that don't matter. It will save you much time, energy and immature, angry tears. (Said as politely as possible: grow-up!)

On a more serious note: a relationship must have a purpose. It must be INTENTIONAL. You must both know where you are going and why - and you should both want to go there! It does not matter how much you may like, or even love, that person. It does not matter how much fun you have together. It does not even matter if you want to get to know the person better. It is about preparing for a serious, committed, faithful, Christ-honouring (and Lord willing!) LIFELONG relationship. Yes. Marriage. Or else what is the point? Sharing your life, your heart, your deepest being with another person... just because you "like them", "have fun together", "want to get to know them"? That sounds rather selfish and immature. Relationships are SERIOUS. Make sure that you are both willing to take the risk... or be patient, pray, wait, just be friends (I said it!), so as to possibly avoid future heartbreak. Is a fling really worth all the tears? All the pain? (But yes, I know, it may take a few tries until you find THE ONE... but please guard your heart, please...) 

Most importantly: You are a team - you have to be! It is not about you. And even though you will have to SACRIFICE much, putting the other person before yourself, giving, giving and giving some more, it is not even about them. It is all about God. Together you are a WITNESS - the gospel personified. God should be at the centre. He is what should hold you together. He will never let you down - His love will NEVER FAIL. He displays the perfect example of love, of forgiveness, of grace, of holiness, of purity, of sacrifice. The purpose of any and ALL relationships is sanctification - to be made more like Christ. (Fullstop.) And ultimately to GLORIFY GOD. 

Your true self!

For anyone who says yes to Jesus
For anyone who believes what Jesus said
For anyone who will just reach out and take it
Then God will give them this wonderful gift:

To be born into a whole new Life

To be who they really are

Who God always made them to be

- Their own true selves - 

God's dear Child.

{Paraphase of John 1:12-13}

Taken from my favourite book: The Jesus Storybook Bible

the place of Honour

Once again I was struck by what true love really is. It is astonishing. It makes you heart beat faster and takes your breath away. It was seen at a beautiful wedding this weekend, in a glance, a sweet kiss, a hand being held.

It was all said in there vows and reflected in the speeches. It wasn't about the stunning, radiant bride clothed in the purest white, her veil dancing in the wind, or the handsome young groom, his face shining with uncontainable joy as his beloved glided down the aisle. It was all about Jesus! 

Jesus sat in the place on honour. His name was gloried. 

[True love is not cheap, or easy, or about you, sex, money, whatever... It is counter-cultural in every single way: selfless, self-giving, self-sacrificing, as seen in the ultimate example of Jesus' innocent death on the cross to save a sinful, undeserving, rebellious world...]

They said things like, together they could better serve the Lord, together they could better minister to the world, together they could better fulfil the Great Commission. They spoke of how their wedding feast was just a glimpse of the majestic banquet to come - a shadow...

One day, Jesus Christ would return for His bride, the church. If you have been washed by His blood, cleansed by the cross, forgiven and made new, you would stand holy, blameless, pure before the Father - like a bride clothed in brilliant white. They spoke of how God has invited us to the the greatest wedding of all time... and how it says "Have you been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb?" Have you responded to the Gospel?!

How challenging. How encouraging. What an example! This is how it is meant to be...

"After this I heard what sounded like the roar of a great multitude in heaven shouting: "Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our God... Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." Then the angel said to me, "Write: 'Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!... These are the true words of God." "

 {Rev 19:1, 7-9}

What love is this?

“My Lord, what love is this? That pays so dearly? That I, the guilty one, may go free?

Amazing love, oh what sacrifice, the Son of God, given for me,

My debt He paid and my death He dies, that I might live,

That I might live...”

come Home

People often ask me, "How can God be both a loving Father and a righteous Judge?"

A related question is, "And why is there suffering?"

Just a few words:

God is sovereign and in perfect control of everything that happens- and good and the bad. That is phenomenal! (If one truly understands what that means...)

This gives us hope and comfort - for even if we are undergoing hardships, we know that it is part of God's perfect will for our lives - He is in control! It is not merely the result of chance, or randomness, or fate or anything else - for then there is no point or purpose to it all... no reason means no hope or comfort. 

And while it may seem like pure insanity, because of the fact that God is sovereign, we can rejoice in trials, endure, persevere in hardships (Romans 5:1-4, Hebrews 10:23, James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 4:12-14, 19).

But then what is the point, or purpose, of our suffering?

 C.S Lewis wrote in the book "The Problem of Pain" this: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

The first point of suffering is salvation. God is calling you home! It is better for one to suffer here for years, if it opens their eyes and causes them to repent and so experience eternal blessing in the future -life after death! And so when one looks at suffering in that light, then it is actually a blessing - God speaking to you in your pain, calling you back to Himself, His graciousness in working in your life through loss and heart-breaking times, showing us that not is all right in our lives... "God is too wise and loving to make any mistakes."

“In a word, suffering destroys our self delusion that we are in control, that we are demi-gods: when we suffer, we know where we are and it’s not at the centre of the universe. Thus, whilst suffering (be it physical, natural or emotional), is an effect of evil, being a privation of the good, it can lead us to a recognition of our creaturely place in the universe and hence to find out true "orientation".”

Painful experiences are God’s gracious reminders that earth is not our true home.

On an aside: One needs to have the correct definition of love!

It is more than just 'mere kindness' - but rather real love looks out for the best interests of the beloved, sometimes requiring the inflicting of a painful experience – like a father disciplining his child. If we, with our selfish and finite minds, asked God to take away pain we would be asking Him to love us less. The ultimate goal of this ‘perfecting’ is redemption (coming to Know God personally), because what is best for all of humanity is God – we were created by Him, for Him and will only be content, or truly happy, when we are with Him.

"Love, in its own nature, demands the perfecting of the beloved; that the mere 'kindness' which tolerates anything except suffering in its object is, in that respect, at the opposite pole from Love...Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal." (Also written by C.S. Lewis in the 'Problem of Pain') 

The second point of suffering is sanctification. One may ask, "But I am saved - so why am I still suffering?" Suffering refines our faith, tests us, purifies us, makes us more like Christ! Just as Jesus suffered, so as His followers, we fellow in His footsteps (Matthew 5:10-12, 2 Timothy 3:12, 1 Peter 1:3-9)

Jesus too, innocently suffered, horrifically crucified on the cross, in my place, in your place, taking our deserved punishment so that we don't have to. Instead, because of His suffering, we do not have to suffer for all of eternity! We can enter a right relationship with God, and when our life one day ends, we can come Home...

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.

He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son." (Revelation 21:3-7)