He is gone. And I am sitting at the table. Books open, tea steaming, pencil in hand. But just sitting. All is still. I am sitting. Lost. Lonely.
I feel as though I am drifting aimlessly. I cannot make up my mind, I cannot act, I cannot eat, I cannot sleep. An obsession? Or my greatest need fulfilled now vacant? Lost. Lonely.
Sudden heaving and the battling against tears begins. A crushing, a tumbling, a suffocating, a weariness, a desperation, a fear, a longing, an aching… Lost. Lonely.
And then it subsides. My mind clears. My heart keeps beating. I will be okay. Not alright, but okay. And that is just fine. For when he is away I will always feel lost and lonely, but it just makes me realize how much I love him and appreciate all that he is.
No longer feeling completely lost or lonely.
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