What happened next...

I cannot believe that a week ago my best friend asked my to marry him!! (Heart bursts and joy overflows!!) Some moments it all just seems so normal and ordinary - we had known, talked about it and planned for it for so long, that while it was breathtakingly wonderful, it wasn't unexpected. But then there are moments when I am struck with awe and amazement. At his love, at our God, at my beautiful ring!! I am still in shock - you believe that it is surely coming, but when it actually happens... indescribable!! I cannot stop smiling :) (Just letting you know that Ray received the ring in the morning and by that afternoon it was on my finger - he is phenomenal!!) We are also having the most fun calling each other fiancé and fiancée (giggles like a girl in love).

The days leading up to the proposal, Ray proposing was honestly all I could think about. I had butterflies fluttering in my stomach all the time (and still do!!) It was incredible to hear from two of my best friends that literally minutes before I had told them of our engagement they had been guessing possible dates of when he would pop the question :) 

The morning after, when I awoke and realised that I was engaged, sheer happiness spread throughout me. A sense of disbelief and wonder consumed me. I suddenly seemed to remember the ring on my finger and the one who gave it to me. Reality was infinitely better than any fantasy. So thankful, so full of love, so overwhelmed. Words are just not enough. 

I love how my diamond glitters and sparkles. It captures the light and out from it shines tiny rainbows. I have started greeting friends by sticking my hand out, forcing them to admire my engagement ring (laughs). My church, varsity and dancing friends have been awesome. Their ecstasy and excitement for Ray and I is thrilling, encouraging and humbling. We know that we are truly blessed to have them in our lives (blinks back tears). Thank-you for celebrating with us!! We have received cards, chocolate, hugs, a million messages (which we must still reply too!!), advice and are booked out for coffee dates to share the story again and again :) Thank-you for the wishes, for telling us to enjoy this special time, sharing your memories of these moments, for supporting us, (for crying from happiness when you heard - you know who you are!) and for asking question after question about the wedding next year - we cannot wait either!

Our families have been just incredible!! Skyping his parents, skyping my sister in South Korea (where she and my mom have already decided that she is in charge of planning the wedding!), finally being able to showoff my ring to my dad when he returned, discussing details, dreams and ideas around the dinner table, the prayers said... it all warms our hearts. When my little sister found out last week (besides screaming and jumping up and down) the first thing she asked was what she was wearing, how her hair was going to be done, will be have red velvet cake and can she bring a friend... sisters are just precious :)  

 Our Sea Gypsy friend - who phoned, blogged about our engagement and came to visit us - brought delicious brownies and fudge from the Hope Street Market in town and my favourite macaroons from Cassis (wow!!) to celebrate. She came rushing through the gate with a stream of brightly coloured helium balloons flying behind her. Thank-you!! We cannot express how much we have appreciated you and your friendship. We are so excited to start all the wedding "stuff" searching and adventures this summer :) 

Sunday morning was the first moment where Ray and I could finally catch our breaths. We had a quiet breakfast of freshly baked breads and berry farm jam from Olympia cafe just down the road. 

I love this time of the year, when winter is slowly slipping to a close and there is a whisper of warmth just around the corner. Even the icy rain cannot dampen my mood - all I need is a warm scarf wrapped tightly around my neck and cup of coffee to keep me going. The sunrises at UCT have been glorious. I have even seen that the bare tree are beginning to bud. Riding the train home in the afternoon, breathing in the freshness of the ocean, I watch to see how the colour changes to reflect the sky. Some days it is a cold, dark grey, its inky waters storming, but other days it is a brilliant, bright blue, surfers out in the water and a breaching whale, that fills you with hope. 

Tonight was the dress rehearsal for Expressions - yes, we perform this weekend! With rehearsals every evening, the anticipation and nerves have been growing. There is shouting, tears, laughter, disappointments, adrenalin and happiness - at accomplishing something you have worked so hard for. All those hours dedicated, the pain, the rapid beating of your heart, the moment when you wait in the wings just before you step onto the stage, the blinding lights, hitting the movements perfectly, the clicking of the tap shoes, the vibrations of the music, the rustle of the velvet curtains, the red lipstick, glitter and false eyelashes... it is showtime!! 

(My litter sister and some of her fellow dancers just before "Big Jazz")

("Grace Dance Company" - this photograph was printed in the local newspaper today)

These past weeks have just been strange. I have felt so disorientated. I keep forgetting what day it is and what I am supposed to be doing (and it is not just to do with constantly being distracted by my stunning ring - while I'm brushing my teeth, while I'm sipping tea, while I'm trying to study - so basically all the time!!) but that I am utterly exhausted. I have been sick, have had to finish off a stack of tutorials, practical assignments, experiment reports and somehow write tests too. The proposal, the meeting with friends, the long hours of dance rehearsals, the late varsity days, the lack of sleep... Ray and I are both beyond tired. Ray, prayer, gentle caring and lovely friends have helped me to survive. (Also for the fact that my feet are still floating above the ground and that is feels like I'm living in a dream!!) This really has been the most amazing, stressful and challenging time of my life. Thank-you Lord, for everything, we are eternally grateful*

The Proposal!

Today is beautiful and I will cherish it forever!! Here is the proposal and the much awaited details! I will say though, that letting everyone know that you are engaged is a wonderful, never ending, rush - I am hugging friends and talking on the phone to family members, while I am trying to email pictures, tweet about it and skype at the same time! It's an excited blur...

Today began like any other day. When I arrived home from varsity Ray asked me if I would like to go for a walk, like we have done countless times before. The sun was shining high in the sky and a cool breeze was blowing off the ocean. We headed to Silvermine where we had first gone together two years ago, to our favourite place, where it all began :) Walking hand-in-hand, over the wooden walkways, loving how the flowers were beginning to bloom, listening to the rushing waters, talking about nothing in particular. I bent down to dip my fingers into the stream and as I turned around Ray took a black velvet box out of his pocket and got down on one knee. I gasped! (AHHH!!!)

He smiled. I smiled, while wiping tears away, and listened to his heart - words, for me alone to hear, that I will always remember and never let go! When he asked me to marry him I SAID YES!!! (Of course!!) I did not want to leave the embrace of his arms. Sharing this life with my best friend is simply the greatest joy and privilege. I am so thankful, so blessed, so loved that words are just not enough. THANK-YOU LORD! It is God's grace that brought us together, has kept us together, and will keep us together. When Ray prayed tears of overwhelmed, certain happiness flowed. Christ at the centre at the beginning, Christ at the centre through it all, until the end. 

It was just so "us". 

Next came the celebrations of first showing our parents, screaming sisters, hugs and hugs and more hugs, phoning grandparents, a million messages sent, taking and uploading photos, changing statuses (YES!), running around to tell every one in sight, jumping up and down, squealing, laughing, more crying, dancing, lots of uncontrollable gushing and finally having a moment to sit down with Ray, eat chocolate and blog, hands shaking, about it :) My face really hurts so much from smiling so much :D 

In anticipation of your questions: Yes, he asked my dad weeks ago. Yes, I knew it was going to happen and thought perhaps (just maybe) it would be today! We have known for a longggg time that we were going to get married. We had looked at rings and I had tried some on for size a while ago. We had given our design to a jeweller friend of ours a month ago. I wasn't allowed to ask any questions - but each morning, as I came down the stairs to Ray waiting below, I would teasingly ask "Today?" and he would just laugh and kiss me. But when we left for the walk, I noticed that Ray couldn't stop smiling, was acting slightly strange and his hand seemed to be drifting over to his pocket... But I thought to myself, "It's just your imagination, dad is away and it's only my birthday next week... he probably doesn't even have the ring yet..?" Ray had promised to propose before his graduation at the end of the year - so I had been preparing to wait for a little while longer (only a little while though!) Right now I am sort of in a state of ecstatic disbelief, yet calm and sure of it all. I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER!!! (Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to explode)

Our families and friends have been amazing - their excitement, encouragement, love, support, wisdom and prayers. We can't wait to have you all involved in planning the wedding with us :) We are eternally grateful - thank-you! We cannot express how much all of your congratulations have meant to us! 

Now I cannot stop staring at my stunning, sparkling diamond and gazing at my handsome, godly, INCREDIBLE fiancé :) I am speechless at how beautiful my ring is and the feel of it (finally!) on my finger is just indescribable!!

Our plans for the future: We will, Lord willing, be getting married at the end of next year when I graduate. Until then I will keep you all posted with our wedding ideas, photographs and all the great stories we will have to share :)

Dreams, and MORE, have come true! I love you Raynard. 

Salvation is here.

"Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here."

 {Dare you to move - Switchfoot}

My lovely

I have been sick. And of course it has had to happen at the most inopportune time! Life is overwhelming enough at the moment without having this crash upon me. But it is in times like these, when your weak body fails you and all the pressures of varsity, friends and dancing are piled upon you, that you remember that cannot depend on your own strength and become even more aware of the person standing at your side, holding you up, carrying you along.

R always is lovely. His gentle care of me these past few days has made me feel better than anything I could have done! Whether it is driving me down to the train station these cold, dark mornings because we are too tired to walk, or making me hot chocolate and rubbing my back while I study. From bringing me medicine and tucking me into bed, wrapping the blankets warmly around me. From soothing hugs when I cannot stop coughing or throwing a box of tissues my way. From praying with me before bed, or putting his hoodies on me to keep the ice of winter away, to walking down to the station and waiting there, in the rain or feeble sunshine, for me to collapse into his arms after an exhausting day. From squeezing me orange juice for breakfast and making pancakes just the way I like it, to sending me little messages throughout the day, just to let me know that he is missing me. From saying that I look beautiful, and meaning it, when I feel anything but. It's the little things that make the biggest differences! So thank-you for making me smile when I am feeling awful, for the endless "I love you's", for teasing me to stop taking myself too seriously, for letting me take sips of your coffee and cuddling with me while we talk about our days.  

I know that I am blessed and every day I thank God, amazed, for you. 

Life's greatest adventure

"To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek Him, the greatest adventure; to find Him, the greatest achievement.” 

{St. Augustine}

A secret fear

It is a beautiful day. The sun is glimmering on the deep blue ocean. After my first dance staging rehearsal I am gasping for breath! Staging today consisted of raw feet, slipping on the slick stage, coughing and blowing my nose in between takes, getting blinded by the lights, and performing my heart out... (There is something magical about performing!) I am pushing myself to get better by drinking lots of tea, eating fresh, farm bread with homemade berry jam from the local Noordhoek farm village and trying to snuggle in bed for as long as possible. Which, while would be wonderful, is not possible with all my looming tests and assignments.

Late at night, in its quietness, my thoughts often drift. I love working. And I work very hard. All the time, every spare moment, into sheer exhaustion, endless hour upon hour upon hour... 

I understand that there must be a balance, but when I have to do so much work and struggle to do what is necessary, I barely have time to sleep, let alone relax or enjoy friendships. I cannot understand how my friends do it all... It is hurtful having to say no all the time, to turn down invitations because I am so incredibly busy. It has come to the point where my friends no longer ask me to join them because they know I won't be able to come. That is painful. Heartbreaking. 

When I am away from R at varsity, I feel lonely. It is then that I doubt. But when I come home and see R waiting at the train station for me, the world is put back on its axis.  

We all have to make sacrifices for what is truly important. I know that I have different priorities to my friends, that all that I do is in preparation for the future, planning for the life I will share with R. We have both been working together for this. They don't have that sort of perspective or path to travel. Varsity for me isn't about having a good time, but about working to the best of my abilities for God's glory and to make our dreams possible. I am terrified though, that I am sacrificing my friends and missing out on incredible memories... My parents met each other at varsity and made their lifelong friends at UCT. For me it has been different. Varsity is just a passing experience, a time to learn and grow, but it is not forever. I love studying, and am making the most of my time there, but am working for a purpose, going in a certain direction. 

It is the being left out that is difficult. I even have to make compromises to spend real quality time with R... and he is a million times more important than anything else. Our future is not vague, we are making plans and God is opening the doors. I cannot work any less (is there really such a thing as over-achieving?) but I fear that one day in the future, when we have achieved these goals, we won't have any friends left to share it all with... But if all I ever had was R (and our God) it would be more than enough. So while I question,  I know that my feet are on solid ground. That is an everlasting comfort.  

My reason to smile

I have been promising myself to write a lovely, long, thoughtful blog post... but I am just too exhausted (says the sick girl on having had only three hours of sleep last night and a never ending day). I am struggling to remember how this day began, it feels like forever ago! And yet the day still seems far from over... But one more thing before I go to sleep...no matter how tired I am, or how long my days are, I cannot stop smiling... I have butterflies fluttering around every moment, waking or dreaming... I am content to wait. I trust you. (And you have been beyond amazing, as always!) 

And with that I bid you a gentle goodnight*